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Single, childless and nearing 40, I saw one real option
CNN ^ | 04/25/2017 | Sarah Lenti

Posted on 04/26/2017 6:18:53 AM PDT by BJ1

Fast forward to my 38th birthday. I was still single, and the world of dating had changed significantly in the last eight years. Tinder and Bumble, the dominant dating apps, offered countless options for single men and women, but made the experience of dating entirely impersonal.

Dating amounted to small talk with a stranger, who you had briefly interfaced with online because you each thought the other attractive. The small talk was a prelude to hooking up, and there were no expectations even of a text the next day.

It was brutal. And after trying my hand at it, I was no closer to finding the love of my life or starting a family. If I needed statistics to back me up, I had them. In 2014, marriage was on the decline, as was the fertility rate in the United States.

I had one real option left -- and that was to attempt to get pregnant alone.

(Excerpt) Read more at cnn.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: ivf; lenti; sarah; singlemom
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To: Mrs. Don-o

Babies in your 40’s are a gift, a reaffirmation of life. They cushion the blow when the older sibs go off to college and the world.

Babies in your 40’s have the benefit of a more experienced Mom & Dad with more exposure to museums, travel, culture, books because they come along on a wide variety of excursions(and nightly story time) earlier in life. Family traditions are more developed and these kids have sibs that are old enough to interact with them as role models.


201 posted on 04/26/2017 8:45:05 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: JayGalt
Sorry but I am never going to stand by and see someone be personally attacked

ROFL!!!

See #141.

Really.

Go read it.

ROFL!!!

202 posted on 04/26/2017 8:45:55 AM PDT by NorthMountain (The Democrats ... have lost their grip on reality -DJT)
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To: surrey

That sounds wonderful both for your Grandkids & for you.


203 posted on 04/26/2017 8:46:20 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: BJ1

Dating apps designed for a one-night stand disgust me. I’m a man. I like women - a lot. But if I were dating again, I would not go to those sites even once. “Hook up” and then never hear from that person again - what’s the point, other than it feels good?

As for this woman’s choices, I’m not impressed. I would not have chosen to raise a child by myself. Parenting is too important to attempt that two-person job solo if there is an alternative.


204 posted on 04/26/2017 8:46:33 AM PDT by Pollster1 ("Governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed")
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To: AppyPappy

I have a friend who has trouble with dating so she went the “married guy” route.


My ex mother in law did this. My ex was the product of a mafia attorney’s affair with her. She was a raging bitch of a woman. Not a good way to live.


205 posted on 04/26/2017 8:46:54 AM PDT by Yaelle
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To: AppyPappy

Sometimes my wife abuses me as well when we have sex.

I look forward to those nights the most.


206 posted on 04/26/2017 8:47:20 AM PDT by SarahPalin2012
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To: NorthstarMom

That’s awesome! I figure, if it wasn’t okay for women to have babies at age 38 or thereabouts, then fertility would shut down before that age. But women are able to have babies even into their 40s if it isn’t their first kid.

People criticize that woman who had 18 kids or whatever. But if you love your husband and continue to be intimate with him and God sends you kids, well, then, it’s meant to be!


207 posted on 04/26/2017 8:48:02 AM PDT by Nea Wood
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To: NorthMountain

Actually. I thought 141 was the poster trying to be nice, making the point that she was stepping away from the aggressive nature of your prior posts.


208 posted on 04/26/2017 8:49:29 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: ctdonath2
I gave birth to my fine son at 39, and told my doctor I didn't care *how* many chromosomes he had, he was to be treated as if he were Jesus Christ.

And for an "objective looks" at the chances for Downs according to maternal age, even the chart I posted is like something out of "How To Lie With Statistics," since it visually makes that very low 4% risk look "high." Instead of displaying it like this

It would have been more visually accurate to display it like this:


































209 posted on 04/26/2017 8:49:56 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o ("With my luck, if I were a politician I would be an honest man." - Rodney Dangerfield)
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To: SarahPalin2012
The women need to wait until marriage as they lose out if they don’t (so they are at fault too), but I blame the men more.

'Twas always thus...men need to be responsible for their choices and actions. Women? Not so much.

She's a selfish person. That doesn't wear well in relationship.

210 posted on 04/26/2017 8:51:06 AM PDT by gogeo (When your life is based on a false premise...you are indeed insane.)
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To: Opinionated Blowhard

Oh my! You are correct. Worst part of the story. She felt she just HAD to use her own genetics. Sheesh. I’ve had children of my own genetics and not, and there is zero difference in the connection. I guess you wouldn’t know that if you didn’t have any kids. Zero difference in the love on either side. Genetics is just a parlor conversation. “He got that musical talent from Me.” Who cares where they got their nose or their talent. They are still your children.


211 posted on 04/26/2017 8:53:18 AM PDT by Yaelle
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To: JayGalt
< snort >

Baloney.

212 posted on 04/26/2017 8:53:37 AM PDT by NorthMountain (The Democrats ... have lost their grip on reality -DJT)
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To: BJ1
this woman is a busy lady: http://sarahlenti.com/

a relationship/marriage takes time and effort..
tinder didnt work out for her, so dating doesnt work.
really?

"My life was great on paper. I had done all the right things. I went to Stanford for graduate school. I worked at the White House under Condoleezza Rice. I had the opportunity to travel the world. I had loving parents and two wonderful sisters. And yet I felt unloved -- even unlovable. And also greatly conflicted."

this is the Great Lie right here. you cannot have it all.

"Actually, it was waking up single, every single day of my life -- only to be greeted by my career -- that felt selfish"

and stanford grad school didnt give her enough brains to see the problem here? she doesnt sound stupid, so my opinion is she is suffering from unrealistic expectations from life in general.

"Then my personal trainer and his wife, the first people to visit me in the hospital"
sounds like her whole family isnt big on family.

"Why have I lost that hope? Truth be told, I have been vulnerable with a few men pre- and post-pregnancy. But rejection upon rejection by man after man will do it to you."

whats the common denominator? she is. lots of people have problems interacting with the opposite sex. she feels entitled enough to think its not her problem.

everyone has a image in their mind of what they want the world to be. some people adjust the image to the real thing (that would be well adjusted people) and some people try to pretend the real world is the same as their image. (this woman).
213 posted on 04/26/2017 8:54:21 AM PDT by wafflehouse (RE-ELECT NO ONE !)
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To: BJ1
I had one real option left -- and that was to attempt to get pregnant alone.

Of course, she could simply switch to Match or OKCupid and choose from a plethora of decent men who don't look like George Looney or Matt Dummyon, but that would violate her hypergamy instinct.

214 posted on 04/26/2017 8:54:42 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (April 2006 Message from Dan: http://www.dansimmons.com/news/message/2006_04.htm)
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To: NorthMountain

: )


215 posted on 04/26/2017 8:56:15 AM PDT by JayGalt
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To: miss marmelstein
Maybe if men learned how to be better in bed, we wouldn’t have the problems that so concern you.

I agree. That's why, after over 30 years, we still have sex at least 4 times a week. It takes being willing to spend time. If the guy takes the time to give her her orgasm first, then things tend to go better.

216 posted on 04/26/2017 8:58:42 AM PDT by PapaBear3625 (Big government is attractive to those who think that THEY will be in control of it.)
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To: BJ1

I think it’s reasonable, based on the article, that she chose to date men based on their looks/sexual attraction. Had this woman the chance to do it over again, I would imagine she would look for a different type of man. That is the advice I would have liked to see.


We do dating (for young people) all wrong. They hook up with a hottie. That is all they are thinking about. The connection is pretty much pure chance.

The Orthodox Jews do it right. When the kid is of marriageable age, their parents really take a good look at the kid and know everything promising (and quirks and faults) and look for suitable dating matches. No arranged marriages, just arranged dates in public with a boy or girl that would be a good match in many ways. Too much emphasis is on socioeconomic and “more religious than thou” like every other culture, but most of it is putting BRAIN into making a good match rather than just your genitals. The kids don’t have to like each other, the parents, matchmaker is told, and no hard feelings, and they go on other dates. It’s much smarter.


217 posted on 04/26/2017 8:59:24 AM PDT by Yaelle
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To: Electric Graffiti

What vibrator are those for? Anal Intruder 1800????


218 posted on 04/26/2017 9:00:08 AM PDT by Yaelle
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To: miss marmelstein
Phew! Are you Masters or Johnson?

I'm old enough to have known a lot of guys who tended to talk about their relationships.

219 posted on 04/26/2017 9:00:11 AM PDT by PapaBear3625 (Big government is attractive to those who think that THEY will be in control of it.)
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To: PapaBear3625

I may vomit. I guess TMI means nothing to you.


220 posted on 04/26/2017 9:00:28 AM PDT by miss marmelstein
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