Posted on 01/29/2017 4:31:03 AM PST by sodpoodle
SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE OR LAUGH...IF YOU DON'T GET OFFENDED EASILY
WHAT AISLE IS THE POLISH SAUSAGE IN?
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you omething.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did yu ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Ace Hardware."
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix ‘em, put ‘em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
“Try doing it with the engine running.”
I miss the Polish jokes of my childhood....
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she asked, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”’ the doctor said.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady said, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife....”
Aging
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say “You don’t look that old...”
——————————————— -—
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
——————————————— -—
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when everything either..... dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
*********
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper....it’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that.. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence.
I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?’
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, -— let’s look for yours.”
*********************
“Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!”
__________________
If you feel these don’t apply to you, just stick around awhile . .
they eventually will!
Why do Polish dogs have flat foreheads?
From chasing parked cars!
Ba Boom
"Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional."
A Doctor was getting sick and tired of being a OB/GYN - called out at all hours, high insurance premiums so he decided he would leave medicine all together - just be a motor mechanic.
He went to back to college and completed the mechanic’s course . The final examination was to completely rebuild an engine. He did this but when he received his final mark he found he had got 200%!
Being honest he rang the lecturer and said “Look I don’t mean to dispute this, after all 200% is a fantastic mark, but how can ANYONE get 200% on an exam?
The lecturer replied “Well we gave you 100% for rebuilding the engine correctly and another 100% for doing it all through the exhaust pipe!
“I’ve come a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.”
Heck, sometimes there weren’t even roads.
“I’ve come a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.”
Heck, sometimes there weren’t even roads.
The clerk asks, “Are you Polish?”
The guy, clearly offended, says, “Yes I am. But let me ask you omething.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? >>>>>>>>>>>>>
Give her a break!
Polish sausages are bigger than Italian sausages.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
I receive some great email jokes from a dear friend.
With all ethnicities claiming bigotry and exclusion; it occurred to me that those of us with European roots have always been exposed to slings and arrows. However, our ancestors created so much for which we can be proud, that any insults are treated with humor or shrugs.
Hey, it could happen !
Gee! There must be at least a thousand!
Actually no. There are only three.
All the rest of those stories are true.
Yep
When we can’t find humor in ourselves we shouldn’t find humor in anyone else and this will be a very dull and boring world.
During the Battle of Britain
A total of 145 experienced and battle-hardened Polish airmen fought in the Battle of Britain - 79 airmen in various RAF squadrons, 32 in No. 302 (Polish) Fighter Squadron and 34 in No. 303 (Polish) Fighter Squadron.
http://www.iwm.org.uk/history/the-polish-pilots-who-flew-in-the-battle-of-britain
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.