Posted on 03/25/2016 7:02:05 PM PDT by dynachrome
Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at WalMart for my dogs Shadow and Lady.
I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that No, I didn’t have a dog - that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, She asked : “Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned you?”
I said: No not at all; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ass and a car hit me.
The guy behind her was laughing so hard, I thought he was going to have a heart attack!
Walmart won’t let me shop there anymore.
Man, there are more and worse places to get low down...I shy from them now ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXeUXmCV5IA
LOL!! :)
Lenny Bruce had a great "Boy raised by wolves" story.
LO I was the guy behind her with the large bag of cat food.
LOL!
Thats a keeper ......:o)
Woof !
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
A dose of levity is certainly needed around here - and appreciated. :-)
Thanks. I needed some humor today, meself.
Hah hah hah!
You could have said;
I started chasing a car and I caught it !
Good thing it wasn’t Monkey Chow.
How about this at Walmart down in Texas.
My Sister-in-law and her husband were shopping and in line checking out. Ahead of them was a shapely good looking girl with the then rage in clothing, tight low cut jeans and white thong underwear showing clear up to her waist.
All the men were ogling her when she bent over to take items off the bottom of the cart. When she did, she exposed a two inch streak of brown on the white thong.
Several of the men immediately left the line to keep from bursting out in laughter.
You can’t beat the true stories :)
Here’s yer sign.....
Oh, crap, that was funny...!
In Starbucks, and a lot of people suddenly stared at me.
Laughed REALLY hard..!
Oh, man..!
I last went to the Walmarts when I needed Christmas lights. They did not have the lights I needed so I ended up at Home Depot. Or was it Lowes. Anyway, Walmarts did not have the Christmas lights that I needed.
Remind me to stay off your lawn ;o)
I went into a Wells Fargo to deposit some money and every time it seems like the staff has a memo that tells them to be extra personable. They make small talk and try to make the customers feel comfortable. One day an older teller lady told me that she had a little cough because in the evening she fell asleep with a fan on her all night, so I asked her if it was a Twins or Viking fan. It left her speechless.
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