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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Safe trip....get one of those old telephone coiled handset cords...connect to right wrist and key bundle in ignition slot.

;>)


9,441 posted on 06/12/2016 4:59:49 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick

The modern equivalent of sleeve garters, (the ones that went with green eye-shades).

You can see then at the bank. The tellers have to keep their keys handy, as they have to keep their cash-drawers locked when they aren’t accessing them.

Another version is an arm-holster for your allegedly smart phone. I’ve seen people who jog use these.


9,442 posted on 06/12/2016 5:07:12 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Covenantor; NicknamedBob

Good suggestions!


9,443 posted on 06/12/2016 5:08:42 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick

I’ll be hitting the shower soon. I hope I feel better when I come out than I do right now.

My thrift shop edition of the Douay-Rheims Bible came yesterday. I can see the difference in just glancing through Exodus. This is a Red-Letter edition, which I haven’t seen in years. I think my dad’s Bible was Red-Letter, but my son has it now, to be given to my grandson when he is old enough to take care of such things.

I was able to print out the copies that he wanted, yesterday, but I don’t know if I will have enough ink to print the letter to him today. I will use a small font!


9,444 posted on 06/12/2016 5:15:52 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

Hope you have fun with it!

Tom has gone to get us some ice for the trip, and I’m going to make sandwiches and cut up some fruit.


9,445 posted on 06/12/2016 5:17:33 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick

Was being daft about your bird foot print.
Morning. :)


9,446 posted on 06/12/2016 5:26:39 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Afternoon! I have cut up two canteloupes, and now I’m going to make a modest variety of sandwiches.


9,447 posted on 06/12/2016 5:49:03 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor

I just came from the shower, and I think I need a breathing treatment before I get too far this morning. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my lungs, this last week, and I think it’s all the wind and the moisture.

If I feel up to it when I’m done, I will plan on going to church.

My finger is almost healed but it is still tender, so I keep it wrapped in the day time, when I’m most active. I don’t want to add insult to injury!

I did get the filing done, yesterday, and let that be a lesson to me not to let it go, again! Fie! Maybe I will get the table cleaned off tomorrow, and then I can work on the trust.

I need to get the late Igor’s personal history onto a thumb drive and get it sent to my son for Father’s Day. I hope he enjoys it!

There is one more thing I have to find for James, and that is the incident when our ancestor, John Howland, was washed overboard off the Mayflower during a storm. When the ship wallowed, he was caught in the rigging and was pulled back aboard. I need to go to the Mayflower site to find that. It’s easier than looking through my genealogy papers.


9,448 posted on 06/12/2016 5:56:49 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

Cantaloupes.....
Ah yes, the Open plains version of the Melon.
Sandwiches with or without the crust?
The science of sandwiches is a lifetime study of mine. :)


9,449 posted on 06/12/2016 6:02:55 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07
The Great Blue Heron claw extends in peace...

...little fishies taste soo sweet....

9,450 posted on 06/12/2016 6:18:06 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

With.


9,451 posted on 06/12/2016 6:20:35 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Covenantor

That’s a Skeksis hand!
:) (Dark Crystal )


9,452 posted on 06/12/2016 6:22:05 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

Excellent.


9,453 posted on 06/12/2016 6:22:46 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

We have always been fully committed to our crusts.

We also have apples and broccoli. Anyone who isn’t happy can just stay hungry until we get home ;-).


9,454 posted on 06/12/2016 6:24:13 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Monkey Face

Welp. I ran out of ink for sure, so I get to do his letter longhand today. My handwriting is getting so weird these days.

I hope I can scrape up enough to get the ink before too many days go by. I do too much printing to not have ink at all times.


9,455 posted on 06/12/2016 6:32:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick; All

Good morning Kitties and all,

Sure do need fuzzy things after the awful news in Orlando this morning.

Hope everyone is well. I’m ok just been blue, reading every agatha Christie book from the library, something I haven’t done since 7th grade. Love Poirot.


9,456 posted on 06/12/2016 6:34:51 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: moose07

I wish I had that movie — The Dark Crystal. That was pretty clever. I have Labyrinth, and I love it!


9,457 posted on 06/12/2016 11:13:14 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

You remind me of the babe

The babe with the power

The power of VooDoo

You do

Remind me of the babe ;)


9,458 posted on 06/12/2016 11:16:07 AM PDT by Ketill Frostbeard ("Go not a step from your door unarmed, travel armed for war, you may at any time need a spear." ODIN)
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To: Gefn

I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s just for a short time. I hope you feel better soon. How is your dad?


9,459 posted on 06/12/2016 11:18:48 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick; Salamander

If you move a bit further south you can have the real thing in your pond...


9,460 posted on 06/12/2016 11:18:56 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
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