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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Covenantor

When I get the travel need back, Hawaii is definitely on the list.
Just couldn’t cope with the BS at US immigration at the moment. (The arrogance of the staff in quite something.)
But it will happen. :)


9,401 posted on 06/11/2016 7:24:53 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

*Ahem*
:)


9,402 posted on 06/11/2016 7:25:41 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07
you do get weird looks.

This is different how?

9,403 posted on 06/11/2016 7:37:26 AM PDT by null and void (Hillary Milhouse Clinton: I'm not a c-- c-- c-- crook! Crook, that's the c-word I was looking for!)
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To: null and void

Good Morning, Nully.

Should I have said: “weirder than normal” ? Probably more accurate. :)


9,404 posted on 06/11/2016 7:45:35 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07
Do try, worth the effort and expense. Still some private wonderful places if youvplan ahead. If you have SCUBA cert, most definitely do it. Otherwise snorkeling is great.

Have to go a looong waaay to surpass the arrogant indifference of the French Embassy in Wash DC, circa 1968.

Needed a visa and the Gauloise huffing thug shrugged and threw the form at me. Was all in French. Struggled filling it out with my 2 years of HS French. After the sixth question or so, which completed the form, “ Pourquoi did you not ask for the English form? Paid the fee, attached the photo then asked when I could pick up the visa. As he tossed my form onto an already perilously piled ragged pile, he again shrugged, exhaling smoke, “Perhaps three, perhaps four weeks?” Prior phone conversation had assured me I could receive it the same day.

To my credit, I left without slugging him across the chops.

9,405 posted on 06/11/2016 7:47:24 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

Every Frenchman has a Masters Degree from the Sorbonne in the Subject.
Yes, I will do it. Just a matter of thumb extraction.


9,406 posted on 06/11/2016 8:05:57 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; Covenantor; Monkey Face; null and void

Nice pictures of Hawai’i. Maybe I’ll go there someday, although it’s probably not nearly as nice as it looks on television.

The four relevant Offspring are successfully swim-tested. Take-a-number cards were a big hit, allowing people to lounge in random order in the shade until their number was called, rather than having to stand in line in the sun.

Then I went to Walmart because Elen discovered several things she needs for camp, in spite of being asked about it all week. My next goal is Naptime!


9,407 posted on 06/11/2016 8:34:47 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: moose07

And I didn’t even notice... ;o]


9,408 posted on 06/11/2016 9:14:12 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

I’m sure I missed it, too. I have to nap soon or something bad will happen, like going to the gas station and leaving the keys in the car.


9,409 posted on 06/11/2016 9:39:39 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Covenantor; Tax-chick
Never give an inch...


9,410 posted on 06/11/2016 9:56:24 AM PDT by Salamander (Disco bloodbath boogie fever...)
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To: Salamander

Love those Great Blue Herons. Had come across a dejected looking one in a snowy tramp in the along a creek.

Amazing, that with that great wing span he was able fly slowly along the creek bed with all the overhanging branches. Head on they are so thin and difficulty to spot.

Photos turned out too dim, film speed not fast enough.. That’s how far back it was.

;>)


9,411 posted on 06/11/2016 10:18:45 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; Covenantor; Monkey Face; null and void; ArGee
it’s probably not nearly as nice as it looks on television.

Whether it is or not, it will still be nicer than Warren Wilhelm Jr.'s fiefdom.

For those who don't know, New York City is NOT in any way like those pretty travel agency photos. Not any place...

9,412 posted on 06/11/2016 11:52:03 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Covenantor; Salamander

Practically every ornamental/drainage pond around here has a great blue heron, as well as a batch of Canada geese.


9,413 posted on 06/11/2016 12:03:45 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: NoCmpromiz

New York City doesn’t look very pretty on television.


9,414 posted on 06/11/2016 12:04:38 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick

This has not been a good week. I’ve had to use the steroid three times, and two different medicines today, in order to breathe. And I’m running out of the steroid.

My bad.

I’m not breathing very well today, with all the moisture and the stresses of the week. *sigh*

New York isn’t very pretty. I didn’t like it. It was on my list of places Never To Go If I Could Help It, but someone gave me a free ticket several years ago, so I went. It was boring. I’ve been there so I don’t have to go back.


9,415 posted on 06/11/2016 1:02:43 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

Yes, but your friendly neighborhood travel agent has some really great (manipulated) photos in their brochures.. ;-)


9,416 posted on 06/11/2016 1:09:48 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face

I could see some art museums if I went to New York.


9,417 posted on 06/11/2016 1:22:27 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That’s OK. I won’t go back. It’s enough to say I was there. I’d rather fly in and out than stay for any time.


9,418 posted on 06/11/2016 1:48:20 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

We have one (heron) that visits our pond periodically. We thought it had consumed the pretty gold carp (aka goldfish) that resided therein but on a trek to the pond earlier this year I noted they were still present.

The geese on the other hand prefer the neighbors pond. Probably has to do with takeoff clearance since ours is ringed with trees..


9,419 posted on 06/11/2016 3:52:26 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Herons will eat your goldfish if there’s nothing else available.


9,420 posted on 06/11/2016 4:31:32 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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