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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: NicknamedBob

As long as the spider was smaller than a desert recluse, I’m good with it. ;o]


9,241 posted on 06/08/2016 6:00:02 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Monkey Face; NicknamedBob

The spiders you see are never a problem.

It’s the ones you don’t see that wreak havoc.


9,242 posted on 06/08/2016 6:13:32 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: ArGee

Which is why I want pest control to do every inch of this place when they show up.

No spiders, no beetles, no roaches, no ants. Period. Nothing with more than four legs is going to live long in THIS apartment!

What makes it worse is that the neighbor refuses to allow pest control into her place. So I have to keep spraying the baseboard on the common wall. *sheesh* And no, she isn’t Buddist. Just a doo-doo head.


9,243 posted on 06/08/2016 6:51:40 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: NicknamedBob; Monkey Face

Back from the gym. It’s dangerous here, too. Kathleen says I have to let her put on her nightgown now, or she’ll kill me. She got her previous outfit wet playing in puddles while I was getting some lettuce from the garden.

Jake had rapturous MAAAOOOOs to say about rolling around in the garden in the sunshine. It made him very warm (and dirty).


9,244 posted on 06/08/2016 7:04:55 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: Tax-chick

Did you get the zinnia seeds?

On my way back from voting, I got some tape for my finger. I hope it works...

Kathleen is so funny!


9,245 posted on 06/08/2016 7:53:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Monkey Face

Yes, I got the seeds, thanks. I’ll have to plant them secretly so the cats don’t dig them up.


9,246 posted on 06/08/2016 7:53:51 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: Tax-chick

Ah. Little treasure hunters, eh? Silly critters!

And now, I have some reading to do. Back in a bit.


9,247 posted on 06/08/2016 7:55:00 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Monkey Face

Have fun! Lunch for the kids here, and I’m working on a shopping list. It’s always something!


9,248 posted on 06/08/2016 7:55:38 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: Tax-chick

Soon, it will be time to go out and sit with the peeps. Lately, it’s just been me and Charlie and me, but we’re good with that. ;o]


9,249 posted on 06/08/2016 9:05:22 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Monkey Face

The various species that we call “bugs” don’t bother me.

My definition of “pest control” would probably be akin to murder.


9,250 posted on 06/08/2016 9:56:35 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face
rolling around in the garden in the sunshine.

I have all three outdoor cats indoors. They would love to roll in the sunshine in the garden, in the driveway, in the rose beds...

There's just one minor problem. There's an ingredient missing. It has been replaced with falling wettness occasionally torrential. That and unsummerlike temps - a cool 63°. And the weatherapp on my smortphome informs that rain will continue for 120 minutes. The radar tends to confirm that pronouncement.

But they say the sum will come out tomorrow.

9,251 posted on 06/08/2016 10:16:40 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee

The older I get, the less I can tolerate any critter with more than four legs. I don’t know why. *shudder*


9,252 posted on 06/08/2016 11:29:42 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: NoCmpromiz; ArGee; Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; All

It’s currently 105, with a high predicted of 107. Of course, McCarran will boast the “official” temp, supposedly hitting 110 today. :o]

The sky on my weather page is hazy blue, meaning it’s hot out here in these parts, folks!


9,253 posted on 06/08/2016 11:33:06 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

Dearest kitty ladies-

I’ve been totally offline. My father is holding on by a thread, I’m sanguine about this, he’s 90 like I’ve mentioned and a WW II vet and its the circle of life.

I’m just getting clearances for surgery next month and over as much as I can to be with dad. Some how the computer doesn’t seem important right now. I hope you all understand.,

Voted yesterday. If all goes well ill be working as a poll worker on November for 125 dollars! Yay!

After both hips are replaced I can finally have a kitteh. A real one. :)


9,254 posted on 06/08/2016 11:49:31 AM PDT by Gefn (I want to visit night's Plutonian shore.)
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To: Gefn

I figured your dad was ailing, and I will keep you all in my prayers.

And don’t worry about us. Your family needs you close more than we need your posts. Do what you need to do. <3

I voted today, the last day to do so until next week when most other people will vote. I don’t know if I want to work the polls or not in November. This is a crazy campaign year. I still think campaigning should only last three months before the election. I am so tired of the riots and the injuries by the Libtards.

I will continue to pray for you, for your health and for your strength, and will pray for your dad and mom.

Hang in there. *hug*


9,255 posted on 06/08/2016 12:32:40 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Tolerance is not conformity to the world's view and practices...John A Widsoe)
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To: Gefn

Glad to know you’re doing okay and being with your father. Kittehs are always ready ;-).

Best wishes for the surgery: try to let us know when it is!

T-c.


9,256 posted on 06/08/2016 12:40:45 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Too bad about your weather. We presently have a temp around 80. I haven’t turned the a/c on today.


9,257 posted on 06/08/2016 1:26:48 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz; ArGee; NicknamedBob; All

*tagline*


9,258 posted on 06/08/2016 1:57:33 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

LOL - good one!


9,259 posted on 06/08/2016 2:10:26 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is a dangerous place whose inhabitation always ends in death."~Theodore Dalrymple)
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To: Tax-chick

Yes, that one was made for me, I think. I have to poke it before I even get out of bed, and then I have to ponder it all the way into to the kitchen for my first pills of the day.

And I’m reaching that time of day when my attention wanders all over creation, which means it’s time for moi to head for the boudoir and see what exciting things I can find to read. And believe me: If it isn’t exciting, I won’t be able to read it. The mind just won’t let me hang on.

I borrowed a book a few days ago that has been through several hands and judged to be good. “Vinyl Detective.” An English author. I’d go look for his name, but once I leave this seat, I won’t be here until morning, again, where I can poke the day!


9,260 posted on 06/08/2016 2:28:06 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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