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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Covenantor

“When working after the cleaning crew has gone”

Slippers....i’ll say no more. :)


3,521 posted on 02/12/2016 8:28:55 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

I think that’s pretty doggone awesome of GB!

At least they fix problems before they get out of hand.


3,522 posted on 02/12/2016 8:34:01 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: moose07

Iknowhuh? LOL!

Thanks!


3,523 posted on 02/12/2016 8:35:09 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: ArGee; Covenantor; Darksheare

LoL.
Would hate for you to miss this: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3396196/posts


3,524 posted on 02/12/2016 8:35:59 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

We are having the forecast “snow shower.” It’s not much. I’m cooking some biscuits for the kids’ lunch.


3,525 posted on 02/12/2016 8:38:59 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: moose07

Saw that.
Syracuse, northwest of me.


3,526 posted on 02/12/2016 8:41:09 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Monkey Face

Officially it was :The report of Sir Hermann Bondi on the North Sea flood of 1953 affecting parts of the Thames Estuary and parts of London.
More likely it was the thought of the London underground network having to be pumped out that spurred them into action.
Plus all of the other tunnels under London, both known and secret.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thames_Barrier


3,527 posted on 02/12/2016 8:42:22 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face

Haven’t had any this year.
They promised it. But not yet.
The toboggan waits patiently on hot-standby.


3,528 posted on 02/12/2016 8:47:13 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Tax-chick

We are having sun and another 70+ degree day. YAY!!

Biscuits sound good! I have sausage, but no biscuits...now I’m all hungry for it...


3,529 posted on 02/12/2016 8:48:05 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: moose07

“You’ve posted a total of 53 threads and 12,987 replies.”

Really?


3,530 posted on 02/12/2016 8:49:41 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Wow. Great article!


3,531 posted on 02/12/2016 8:51:36 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: moose07

I’m just darn chatty
You’ve posted a total of 8 threads and 133,715 replies.


3,532 posted on 02/12/2016 8:53:05 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Monkey Face

Notice they miss out the event of its first raising...It jammed up for several hours. Oops.


3,533 posted on 02/12/2016 8:57:08 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Darksheare

LoL, not kidding.
I’ve just crunched the numbers.... :)


3,534 posted on 02/12/2016 8:59:27 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: moose07

Two thousand or so replies beyond 65,535 x 2.
So two Undead Thread original.


3,535 posted on 02/12/2016 9:02:08 AM PST by Darksheare (Those who support liberal "Republicans" summarily support every action by same.)
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To: Monkey Face

Current temp is 33.


3,536 posted on 02/12/2016 9:08:26 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Darksheare
That sure puts it into some sort of perspective.
3,537 posted on 02/12/2016 9:11:49 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Okay ,who ordered the Cheese Toasty?)
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To: Tax-chick

My front door is open... :o]) Summer is coming!!!


3,538 posted on 02/12/2016 9:26:20 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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To: Monkey Face

In theory, summer is coming here, too.


3,539 posted on 02/12/2016 9:26:45 AM PST by Tax-chick ("We have no values in common with Saudi Arabia."~ Daniel Greenfield)
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To: Tax-chick; Darksheare; moose07

“You’ve posted a total of 2 threads and 85,884 replies.”

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy penguins and there are no unhappy penguin owners!!! Ask Patrick!

I suspect our summer will be here in a couple of weeks. I’m sorry about the delay in yours.


3,540 posted on 02/12/2016 9:32:28 AM PST by Monkey Face (Never be defined by your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.)
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