Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
*tagline*
Youth!
The weatherguy said the snow is tapering.
Darn! That is attention to detail! I’ve been watching too, but to me all the flakes are roundish.
It takes decades of meteorological training to spot the tapering in a snow flake.
He must have trained at the Sorbonne. :)
I’ve never seen a tapered snowflake....they are just hexagons.
Just more East Coast weirdness, I suppose. Maybe they’re using heavy-water molecules on one side of each snowflake.
That technology would be impressive, but the whole thing makes no sense. Logically therefore, it’s likely a Government project.
It sounds like somebody may be fooling around with Carl Rove’s weather machine. Maybe I should get some moles in there to check things out. Time to contact Darksheare.
I know it won’t last ...
The longer we sit out, the more the edges of our cheese get crusty.
We noticed before that you have a way with words, Bob.
Video pouring your beer outside on the porch as the snow fall ends slowly ... Bingo!
Taped tapered tap-poured taped snowflakes!
I envy your having a beer-tap, Robert.
Is this method of having yellow snow a way to keep people off your lawn?
You should get a pet tapir. Just keep him away from your flamingos.
Unless you're out of chicken.
As my alligator ate the tapir, he watched the flamingos bern out as their candle flames slowly flickered dark ....
(Robt sets up the long fuzzy dog story....)
Hiya, kiddoes!
I just came in from the Meeting of the Mindless, and it’s colder out there than I thought. I can’t feel my nose.
It was just Charlie and I until about 20 minutes ago, and my stomach was really bothering me, so I started to come in, and the gal that likes to touch people showed up.
I couldn’t leave fast enough. I don’t want to hear about her bedbug problem. GAH!
A few months ago, I got a thing in the mail for a survey, so just for kicks, I filled it out and sent it in. They sent me a $5 bill. Today, I got a BIGGER survey and they said if I filled it out and sent it in, they would send me $10 in cash. Haha. That puppy is HUGH!!!
My stomach is killing me, and I should go to Walmart (thanks!) but I’m going to see if an alka-fizzie will help, and then I can go to Walmart early in the morning.
Would that be a long fuzzy dog?
Or a fuzzy dog story?
I really want that cat.
To begin with, he’s gorgeous ( I just think “he” is correct). Look at those crystal green eyes!
Also, he looks like he could smack the devil out of a person who got out of line. Those paws are formidable. And he looks as though he has a low tolerance for nonsense.
I love a feisty feline.
'Course I was drinking in those days. Whether that was a factor or not..
You write like Hemingway.
It’s snowing here again. NicknamedSue said that the storm has gotten its second wind.
I’m guessing that a cat that idle has to be male ;-). I have some sons ...
He’s an amazing color.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.