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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07

Boom


2,601 posted on 01/22/2016 11:44:02 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: Monkey Face

Lurking behind that bush again , where we?
Hi Face. :)


2,602 posted on 01/22/2016 11:45:08 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07

LOL! I was just thinking about you, and the fact that there were two posts left, and I was just going to ping you!

*smooch*

Yesterday was my first taste of Lemon Curd, and now I want to buy a couple of cases! Of course, I already love crumpets! ;o]


2,603 posted on 01/22/2016 11:46:53 AM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Monkey Face

First taste of Lemon Curd...
That must have been a pleasant surprise, just thinking about that stuff makes my mouth water.

(((Hug)))


2,604 posted on 01/22/2016 11:52:51 AM PST by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. Drake's Drum is Beating strongly.)
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To: moose07; Tax-chick

Oh, yes, Moosie! I am hooked on Lemon Curd! It was, indeed, a most pleasant surprise!

I can certainly understand why your mouth would water, but you have access to it all the time. I have to wait until Christmas! :o]


2,605 posted on 01/22/2016 12:06:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Excellent point. Many layers of clothes, too ... as I am today, in my house that’s supposed to be heated.


2,606 posted on 01/22/2016 2:12:28 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Monkey Face; moose07

Doesn’t look like the mail came through this afternoon. We presently have freezing rain falling - like rain only colder. I took a nap. Now I’m heating some vegetable soup I made earlier.


2,607 posted on 01/22/2016 2:14:01 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

WOW. Who wrote that poem about “Neither snow nor rain...” (if that’s even how it starts...)?

I was stuck in Cabot AR once when it snowed here. McCarran closed down because we don’t have snow removal equipment. I had to laugh, in spite of my situation!!


2,608 posted on 01/22/2016 2:48:32 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Tax-chick

My eyes feel swollen and irritated, and I’m thinking the Evil Ugliness is lurking in the background, and I’m ready. I have everything I need (including a vaporizer) except for Ibuprofen.

I need to get that, soon... along with more bananas and pineapple.

There are some fish sticks and Tater Tots cooking in the toaster oven, and I’m hoping they will get me through the night. I don’t want anything else. (Except maybe tea and crumpets with Lemon Curd!)


2,609 posted on 01/22/2016 2:54:56 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Tax-chick

Oh, yes...saline solution for my nose and some kind of eyedrops. Those, I lack, sadly...


2,610 posted on 01/22/2016 3:01:19 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Monkey Face

They might have come by and just didn’t put the flag down. It was kind of frozen in place.


2,611 posted on 01/22/2016 3:18:38 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick; NicknamedBob; Covenantor; NoCmpromiz; All

Oh. Uck. I ate as much of the fish and Tots as I could, and now I wish I hadn’t even touched a bite. I just want to get rid of it all and go to bed.

*sheesh*

I’m watching the weather and it looks like all y’all are in for a couple of days of “togetherness.” I hope you and yours are safe.


2,612 posted on 01/22/2016 3:33:16 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Monkey Face

DP says they didn’t pick up. Maybe tomorrow.


2,613 posted on 01/22/2016 3:33:26 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Monkey Face

I’m hoping for a thaw tomorrow morning. Bill texted and says he’s on his way home.


2,614 posted on 01/22/2016 3:34:57 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick

Once the storm passes, the emergency vehicles can begin to make new roads.

Take care, all of you. I hope Bill made it home safely!


2,615 posted on 01/22/2016 3:35:05 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Monkey Face

Emergency vehicles can get through now. We have about an inch of rather slushy ice. Here’s Bill, cold and wet.


2,616 posted on 01/22/2016 3:36:25 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Tax-chick; All

Good! <3

I will keep you all in my prayers tonight.

.

.

And I now have a migraine...


2,617 posted on 01/22/2016 3:36:29 PM PST by Monkey Face (Everything the government gives you was taken from someone else. Except Social Security.)
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To: Monkey Face

Oh, dear.


2,618 posted on 01/22/2016 3:36:48 PM PST by Tax-chick (Alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, and mildly hostile toward the universe.)
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To: Monkey Face

Sorry to learn you’ve Something Wicked coming your way. My best recommendation is a bit of Mentholatum about the nostrils immediately prior to bedtime; does wonders to keep the breathing clear overnight.


2,619 posted on 01/22/2016 4:12:52 PM PST by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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To: ArGee; ColdOne; Darksheare; fanfan; Harmless Teddy Bear; Scoutmaster; NoCmpromiz; null and void; ...

And NOW here’s something you’ll REALLY like:

https://www.google.com/maps/about/behind-the-scenes/streetview/treks/miniatur-wunderland/#intro


2,620 posted on 01/22/2016 4:17:46 PM PST by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
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