Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Oi vey! That was funny!
I even get a kitteh in it!
Winner winner chicken dinner!
Pretty kitty.
Blue eyes for Frank Sinatra?
Good catch! We watched “Pal Joey” last night.
He can have the snow. I’ll stay inside.
I like Frank. I like the old classics.,
I got my dad into Rod Stewart singing the oldies.
Not Maggie May and the stuff that made him famous, the stuff he is doing now, the songs from the 40s and 50s.
Oh what a beautiful cat.
Stunning.
No snow here. Abnormally warm. I don’t think we will have a white Christmas. .
Good morning Moose.
I haven’t seen Clip in eons. :)
Good Morning ,GeFn
Mr Clippy was called ‘annoying’, so thought he could come and stay with us for a bit whilst he recovers from the shock.
:)
Could this be a stealthy invasion by taffies you mentioned earlier?
I haven't as yet seen any employed as hats yet, but who knows what dark rituals are enacted on the common green in the dead of night?
We come in peace...is this a taffy trick?
I always enjoyed Mr. Clippy.
When I was bored at work I would open him up and play with him. I didn’t have him at home on my Mac.
I had a dream I was back at work and the screen saver was After Dark.
Remember the flying toast?
It's good to see that you understand our entrance requirements.
Just looked it up, Nope never encountered the flying toast.
That is what is missing from computers now, Humour.
“”Hasn’t saved in 300 lines”......”ready”.......”BSOD! “
LoL,Yes ,Perfectly.
Darks “Explained” them to me in great detail . :D
If it was a Taffy invasion force they would be in organised stacks at the side of the road.
You can get an entire division in the back of a pick-up truck.
Lay-up at the edge of town, then move in at first light blocking off all the exit roads and gas station entrances.
By 07:00 the town is ready to be renamed as: LlanfairÂpwllgwyngyllÂgogeryÂchwyrnÂdrobwllÂllanÂtysilioÂgogoÂgoch. This has a most calming effect on the inhabitats and really sends out a message. (The Taffs are Here...)
Bug out to the pick-up before the Sheriff arrives ,and move on to next lay-up.
According to Dave Lister,
It’s not a good night’s party if you don’t come home with a traffic cone.
These cones were carelessly thrown down. Either the Neighborhood watch has been ruthless in putting down this invasion, leaving the cones as warnings to others, or the taffys encountered the local coyote pack, which mistook the leeks for garnish.
Did the taffy immigrate from turkey?
Or is it a turkey?
http://www.bonomoturkishtaffy.com/
Should we close our borders to the taffy invasion?
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