Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
Wouldn't it need to include fish sauce?
That would be great for camping.
straight from the latest Bed, Bath, and Beyond mailer. Back to school stuff. Universities, the new jungles.
4 man pop-up tents are cheaper.
If it’s light-blocking, that would be really useful at times. Stuffy though.
I see that Cameron is brexiting..
What’s a Theresa May and does she have more gonads than a Cameron?
“Hes testing a new password.. “
Shhhhh....it’s super double top secret, in fact ,Bigot. Never been thought of before. LoL, if only.
“Whats a Theresa May and does she have more gonads than a Cameron?”
She has promised to carry out the wishes of the electorate.
I have it on good authority from a friend of hers that she is sincere.
I reserve the jury for now. An honest politician is like a sleeping Western diamond back.
1. Al Bundy
2. A very serious prepper
3. Any cat on the planet
4. All of the above
Attack!
I seldom go to Autozone. I was warned off buying parts from them by my mechanic, but I seldom went there in the first place. Last time I went, the kid who sold me the winshield wipers didn’t know how to put them on.
O’Reilly’s? Great place, great service, and VERY helpful to us ol’ wimminses.
I remember that flag! Wish I had one of those and one of the 48 stars.
Where does the kitteh end and the blankie begin? Squee!
Isn’t he darling? I had to search abroad for a pretty kitten this morning. My usual source had a litter of hairless kittens who look alarmingly like naked mole rats!
...and here I thought I had lucked onto a photo of a near twin to your kitteh.
8>)
I dread the thought of driving in to Vegas this morning, but it has to be done.
The good news is: I found another, smaller blouse/shirt in my closet that I was able to put on this morning. It has been hanging in the closet for at least a year (well, put away with the rest of the summer clothes) and I’ve finally lost enough weight to where I don’t look like I’m in it trying to get out, or out of it trying to get in! And in my favorite color, too! Turquoise!
What IS that that is holding that kitteh? A “treasure box?”
That pic gives me claustrophobia, which I’m not very far from anyway, on any given day.
the source ids it as something to do with Pokemon marketing in the past?
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