Posted on 08/29/2015 11:37:09 AM PDT by nickcarraway
Lisa – not her real name – said she met her first husband when she was a 21-year-old college student. She thought he was funny and driven and when he proposed, she believed she was making a "mature decision by marrying for the right reasons."
Those good feelings didn't last long.
"By our second anniversary, I was 23 years old and we had completely stopped having sex. My husband was deeply depressed and no matter how hard I tried to fix him, he wasn't getting better, and he wasn't showing any signs of desire or intimacy. Even though I knew the problem was with him, it sent me into a self-doubting spiral that eventually made me assume something was wrong with me," said Lisa, who lives in Alabama.
Lisa said the desire for intimacy led to her Ashley Madison, the website that carries the slogan "Life is short. Have an affair." Earlier this month, data from millions of users – including Lisa's – was posted online by hackers. The fallout from the hack has been massive, with government officials, celebrities and others appearing on the Ashley Madison list. Many have denied ever using the service and since the website had no way of verifying users' emails, proof can be hard to obtain
The hack has already resulted in one lawsuit in which users allege Ashley Madison didn't fulfill promises to eraser user profiles in exchange for an additional fee and on Friday, Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison's parent company Avid Life Media, resigned.
There have also been questions about the website's claim that as many as 30 percent of Ashley Madison users were women. The leaked data shows only about 5 million – or 15 percent – of the website's 35 million users were women.
Lisa said she was one of them. She set up an anonymous email and set her profile location to a larger metropolitan area where she lived. Soon, the connections starting coming in.
"It was sneaky and exciting, and it felt good every time a potential connection showed some interest," she said.
worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished. Lisa eventually met Paul, a married man who was 15 years older than her. After weeks of cyber flirting, the two met for drinks in a neighboring town then went to a hotel room where they had sex.
"In one night, over a year's worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished," she said.
Lisa met her Ashley Madison connection a few more times before deciding to officially separate from her husband. She continued to use the website to meet other married men and to have affairs. Most of the men, she said, told her they loved their wives- "who, in their pictures, were prettier and skinnier than me" – but were bored by their sex lives and used the affairs as a way to spice up their lives.
Lisa's motivations are exactly what Biderman described in a pre-hack interview. When asked why women would join Ashley Madison, he said it was all about "being the object of desire."
"Someone thought you were the greatest thing and wanted to spend their life with you. Ripping that away from someone feels awful. Now they don't even want to look at you, touch you, talk to you. But you have economic stability — A home. Kids. Family. You don't want to walk away from that just because you feel less than desired. People think, "I'll just put myself out there in an anonymous way." They want to rekindle that object of desire," he said.
After a period of time that appears more "Sex and the City" than wine and roses, Lisa met the man who would become her second husband. They didn't meet on Ashley Madison but he was married, though she said the union was "crumbling" before she came into the picture. The two wed and are happily married.
"He knows that I cheated on my ex, and he still trusts me," she said.
Lisa said she deleted her Ashley Madison account but, like many users, her data was still included in the leak. She said it was frightening to know her information is available to the public but credits her time on Ashley Madison for helping her leave an unhappy marriage and start over again.
"Without my affair, I wouldn't have the rock solid marriage I have now," she adds.
"Lisa," lives in Alabama and asked AL.com not to use her real name. She contacted AL.com after reading the story of "Mark," an Alabama man who recounted his time on Ashley Madison. She has written a first-person essay of her experiences on Ashley Madison which you can read here.
Because he was married to you, dear.
so, she’s the one
Why should we believe this is anything but fiction?
Which part, that she exists, or the justifications?
Yay, another whorer story attempting justification. /s
Lisa is a slut. Plain and simple.
If she needed an affair she should have just filed for divorce then she would be free to do what she wanted. In this case she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.
Lisa is a slut.
"There's yer sign!"
That she exists, as it were, and the reported events happened. The UVa rape story was a total fabrication ; why shouldn’t this be?
Women want to be desired, men want to be appreciated.
I’m not saying it isn’t a fabrication, but I understand the motivation for the UVA rape story. Not sure why someone would want to promote this, just attention?
I read this again and some of the language leads me to believe it was written by a man.
Why go to all the trouble to open an account? A young woman who doesn’t look like Honey Boo Boo’s mom should be able to just wave her pinky and get all the sex she could possibly want.
Oh, don't worry....all those feelings will most likely come back...in spades.
For the publication, the motivation is a sensational story that attracts readers. For the progressive agenda, the point is normalizing and justifying adultery, with the ultimate goal of eliminating marriage entirely.
For the author, perhaps just a paycheck. If it was sold as “true,” there’s the thrill of deceit. There’s certainly no downside for “Lisa, not her real name.”
Remember when Bill Clinton’s affairs and worse became common knowledge? The news media reluctantly reported on some of it and then suddenly there were “news” stories about how adultery can actually be a healthy thing for a marriage - “sophisticated” people pay no mind to the old taboo against adultery. Psychologists were interviewed who said such cheating was normal and bad, repressed people are against adultery. Some commentators said we were lucky to have someone that “energetic” as president. This proved that Bubba was not a cad but instead a superman.
Well, expect adultery-friendly “news” stories to appear everywhere. Too many movers and shakers (ahem) are without a doubt in the AM database. This will be spun until adultery is the new gay.
There’s some of the “unfairness”, if you will, of how life and sex works, and how the two sexes view things.
What I’m trying to say, is that most men are eager for sex and aren’t that picky about the woman. Whereas women are in the position of being able to have as much casual sex as they can handle, but, most women just aren’t interested in casual flings or sex on the first date or any of that.
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