Anyone who owns an old British car should never leave home without it.
Posted on 05/31/2015 7:49:46 AM PDT by Jack Hydrazine
. . . and he/she happens to have heard of that joke before, what can he/she do? I imagine it's a bad idea for him/her to call BS and refuse to follow the order, right?
-snip-
When my mom worked rotation on OR as a new nurse, she was often sent on errands like "bring back a sterilized fallopian tube." Once she figured out what was going on, she took it as permission to take a coffee break.
Then she got sent out to get a pair of left-handed trauma scissors. So, she went and got coffee. After a few minutes, the circulating nurse came looking for her. Where were the scissors? You mean there's such a thing as left-handed trauma scissors?! Mom would have been in deep trouble, except the circulating nurse glared at the surgeon and told him he was the one who started it, so he'd better suck it up and behave.
-snip-
My dad was oiling on a ship when the wiper asked the Third assistant "What is this" pointing to the key to the kilson. (the wrench for removing the nut holding the screw on the propeller shaft.) The third told him it is the Key to the kilson. The wiper asked him where he should put it. The third tole him " ah just take up to the bridge."
The wipper thought what the heck and began to end over end the wrench, they are 5 to 6 feet long. When he got it up to the flying bridge and it hit the deck with a bang the Third Mate turn and asked "what is that." The wiper answered the key to the kilson, where do you want me to put it. The third mates answered just throw the dam thing overboard. The wiper did.
End result. Wiper fired, Third Assistant Engineer and Third Mate had their liciences permanently revoked by the commerce department.
-snip-
In the navy, one might be asked to retrieve batteries for the ship’s sound-powered phones.
Also if the ship were passing 0 degrees latitude, first-timers might be invited to report topside if they wished to see the equator.
-snip-
One friend of mine, a navy guy, was sent to get a bucket of steam. Six hours later, he came back with a bucket with a lump of dry ice and some water.
Another friend, an Air Force guy, told me the AF fool's errand was to send a rookie to get an ASH receiver. That's the federal stock name for an ashtray with a sliding cover and spring-loaded mount to the plane's wall.
-snip-
When I was in the Army Reserve we had private fresh out of training. We were testing some new radios we had recently received when the E-4 we were working with told the private to go back to the commo cage and get a can of squelch. About 10 minutes later he comes running out with a can marked "squelch." We had done this in the past and our sergeant was prepared for us--he wrapped a piece of paper around a can of air and wrote "squelch" on it. Not wanting to lose face we took the can, sprayed some air on the connector on the back of the radio and moved on.
Fast forward 2 months. We're out on our summer training and a captain pulls up with a bad radio. The same E-2 looks it over and says, "Oh, that just needs a can of squelch," and runs off. Good times did not follow.
In fairness to the private, he was trained as a teletype operator, not on voice communications.
I worked at a garden store /nursery and my first task was to get a “branch straightener” for my manager.
On a boomer, I fell for the “go back aft and get a filament repair kit” ruse.
I went through my rites a couple of times and put others through them as well.
We all got along just fine.
150 blue emery sparks, 1 qt. of MIL-L-K9P, etc.
I need a gallon of RADAR paint.
Would a submarine have a Hide-a-Key under the hull?
Sounds like good candidates for hurricane watch.
Welllll, it’s a good thing the wiper wasn’t then told to “Go unlock the keelson.”
Oh, a Johnson rod. Yeah ...
Ice CREAM scooper yes (ours the blade edge is the front, fixed that issue), ice scooper no. Though we did put an R on the scooper once to help the joke.
What is a “seabat” supposed to be?
...................
They’re a lot like a CGU-11.
I’m betting You got one or two for this...
Army
Great stuff to play on NUGS (New Ugly Guy)
Helicopter watch on top of the barracks
Go get a box of LOBS (direction finding - Line Of Bearings)
Got a new girl in. Sent her to maint. to get a Receiver Prophylactic Cover. They sent her to another section. Everyone played along and she was sent all over the station before someone had pity on her and let her know there was no such thing :)
Having owned a Jaguar, and my father had a Triumph, an MG and another Jaguar, I marvel at how the Spitfires were so impressive in combat. I’d still love an old TR-3 or XKE.
We’re there ever any problems with gauges?
I was in the Marine Corps and worked on radios in the Air Wing. Our favorite ploy was to send the new guy to requisition some "frequency grease". We actually had a dummy requisition form for that that had to get signed by various officers.
The officers in our squadron were all aware of the ruse so they'd feed into it by approving it at their level and sending the poor guy to the next ranking officer. Once in a while, he'd get all the way to the CO to "requisition some frequency grease" but most of them smartened up enough well before then.
We'd also send newbies "down to the basement" to get something. Of course, our squadron building didn't have a basement and it was always fun to see them checking all the doors in the building looking for the basement stairs.
But the best one of all was the one we would pull at the 29 Palms combat center. For those who don't know the place, it's an isolated (but very large) base smack in the middle of the Mojave desert where combat operations are simulated.
The newbies would always be put on guard duty rotation where they would have to patrol the buildings at night. There was one particular building surrounded by barbed wire fences and was where we kept our cryptology radio gear and other high security stuff. At night, the fences were locked and only the one Marine on guard duty was left there to walk the perimeter.
Well we would tell some of the more gullible ones them that there was a top secret submarine base there and that there was a underground tunnel full of seawater that ran all the way out to the Pacific - about 150 miles away. We also told them that this was top secret and that if they ever repeated this to the wrong person, they would be made to "disappear" or die in some "accident", like some other Marines before them. Some would immediately call BS but others would get that wide-eyed look and you knew you had them! At least for a little while.
We had a know it all city punk who caused a lot of problems in our division onboard our ship. He was a grade-A PITA. His rating was GMT, which was Gunner’s Mate Tech (ASROC).
His fellow GMTs were tired of his constant mouthing off so they set him up. They told him that a school billet had opened up for someone from the Division for “ASROC In-flight Maintenance Technician” School. The ASROC was a ballistic, un-guided weapon payload (torpedo or depth charge) with a rocket booster. The only way you could affect it in-flight was by riding it (could only be done once).
Well, Mr. Know It All got all fired up and submitted the chit requesting the school which made it to the XO before he was finally brought back to reality. He was extremely embarrassed, as he should have been.
Here, take these 2 large black garbage bags and run out to the flightline and collect exhaust samples for testing. Hurry back!
I’ve been sent for 100 feet of shoreline. We’ve also had noobs decked out in aluminum foil so that they can be sent to the focsle to calibrate the radar.
Betrayal of trust? Maybe. Our chief used it to emphasize that knowledge is power, and you’d better have your noses in your PQS. Nothing more useless on a ship than a passenger in uniform. Especially when everyone else is counting on you.
Critical thinking skills, the ability to use your resources to figure out what to do when orders aren’t forthcoming, development of trained initiative - all part of the process.
Most of it stopped when the females arrived. Now we just send two people to do one person jobs.
Fun with ASROC! Oops.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOll3v55Dmo
Your post reminded me of the movie.
In the AF a common prank was to send new guys to bench stock for K9P lubricant.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.