Posted on 04/10/2015 5:39:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
We are living in the Twilight Zone with news stories like these...
White House: Despite Order, Venezuela Not a National Security Threat to U.S.
U.S. Expects to Remove Cuba from Terrorist List Ahead of Panama Summit
Jeb Bush Identified Himself as "Hispanic" on Voter Form
Obama: Ban Parents from Having Children Counseled Not to be ‘LGBTQ+’
A massive power outage in Washington, D.C., today affected a number of federal buildings, including the White House. When asked when they could restore power to the White House, officials said, "2016?" ~ Fallon
A new survey found that a growing number of millennials want to work from home and get more time off. They would have said more, but they had to pick up their gold star for participating in that survey. ~ Fallon
The top 15 contenders for the Republican nomination own at least 40 guns among them. If we elect a Republican president no one is hopping over the White House fence ever again. ~ Conan
A new poll in Cuba shows that President Obama is more popular than Fidel Castro. Then again, so is putting your whole family on a raft in the middle of the night. ~ Seth Meyers
Jeb Bush is facing criticism after it was just revealed that he checked off his race as "Hispanic" on a voter registration form back in 2009. When asked if he regrets it now, Bush said, "Si.” ~ Fallon
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been trippin’ all day.
I just saw that exact episode of “Twilight Zone” the other night!
Obama is what the kids are frightfully screaming about. Obama is using bees as cover.
Not quite as bad as he predicted, but there is still time yet.
The other day, while at the mall, I saw four gorgeous ladies about my age...
Wanting to be nice, I said good morning to them. Not one of them even looked at me.
It was...
.
.
(Wait for it)
.
.
A QUADRUPLE BYPASS!!!!
Watching the media spin up the narrative on Hillary Clinton is like someone introducing you to your ex-wife at a party.
An old Amish guy was sitting with his son. He watched an elderly lady push a button on a door. The door opened and the lady went in and the door closed. He asked someone about it and they said “It’s an elevator”. Just then, the door opened and a beautiful blonde strolled out. The Amish man turned to his son and said “Boy, go get your momma. I want her to try that elevator”.
Well that’s one way to get him to shut up.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
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