Posted on 12/02/2010 11:26:45 AM PST by hawkins
“Darling, does this outfit make me look fat?”
One of my wife’s friends is getting married this weekend. My mind drifted back to when my relationship was young. If I had only been given a list of what not to say in certain situations, my life would probably have been a lot easier. The ailment is often called, “Foot in mouth disease” and a scripture explains: “…no one can tame the tongue, it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” Well, while it’s true, that no one can control the tongue perfectly, I suggest trying duct tape and keep it quiet as frequently as possible.
Oh if we could take back words which have left our mouths. Sometimes, these words are said in jest, sometimes seriously, however, regardless of how they were sent, it doesn’t mean they will be received in the same manner. Here are some words I have heard over time and I myself won’t admit to having said:
“[insert here] is woman’s work.”
Any sound imitating a truck backing up…
“Is your mother coming over again?”
“Oink Oink”
“Get those bare feet back in the kitchen where they belong…”
“My mom could teach you how to cook better.”
“You never miss a meal do you?”
“I had a girlfriend who wore something like that…”
“Does your family tree have any branches?”
“Having a bad hair day?”
“I’m the man that is why…”
“Did you do anything around here today?”
“I bought a book on dieting for you.”
“It took you an hour to look like that?”
These are phrases guys just say sometimes without thinking. It isn’t something said in anger, it’s insanity. Keep a handle on what you say men. There are going to be times when you are angry and during that time insanity will try to multiply. You think you are going to one up anything your wife says or that you are going to put her in “her place”? Nooooooo! Don’t ever let those words escape your lips. The Bible says: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” Listen to what your wife has to say. Be patient, considerate, and deliberate in what will come out of your mouth afterward.
There is a reason women like the strong, silent type. When we aren’t silent, we tend to get ourselves in a heap of trouble. Consider the great battles that have raged over time because rash words were spoken. Ask yourself if having the last word is really worth the pain it will cause. I guarantee she will deal better with your silence than you will when she gives you the silent treatment. The best advice I can give a young man entering into the marriage covenant comes from an inspired source:
Psalms 141:3 – Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
While living in Lincoln, Nebraska I was walking in the mall with my wife. I noticed that every single outfit displayed by the stores was in stunning Nebraska red. I said, "This place is football crazy! I mean it's the middle of winter and everything is red."
My wife looked at me with a scowl and replied, "You idiot. Valentine's Day is Saturday."
"Oh."
Regards,
TS
Don’t foget the sucker’s game of buying clothes for your wife. There are 3 possible responses from her:
— “It’s too small!! I’m getting fat!!!” (49.5% chance)
— “It’s too big!!! You THINK I’m fat!!!” (49.5% chance)
— “It’s perfect!! Darling you’re the best!” (1% chance).
LOL!
*gasp*
I can’t believe you’re still alive to post! :O
My ex once asked me if the dress she was wearing made her look fat.
I replied, “No, the dress makes you look dressed, the fat makes you look fat.”
It wasn’t the reason for the divorce, but it didn’t make the remaining time any better.
He/she
1. Backed over the cat..
2. Ignored the "Maint needed light"..
3. Forgot a beloved pair of corduroy pants in the dryer for an hour..
4. Insert sin here:_________________________
And the punch line is:
And that, Your Honour, is why I shot him/her.
It always makes us laugh, regardless of the offence. Imho, one has to find ways to laugh as often as possible in a marriage.
You need to look at this.
so far, I’ve basically just fallen silent whenever my wife wants a verbal sparring match...can’t argue with someone who ain’t talkin...
of course, we’ve been married less than a year. I’m sure I will need to devise new tactics as the years progress...
I stopped buying clothes for my wife along time ago. It seemed futile to borrow my money from her purse to buy her something she was going to take back and get cash for to put back in her purse.
Women buy emery boards to sharpen their tongues
Self-ping for later uproarious laughter. This entire thread is fantastic!
and you are "The Shrew"?
LOL! Always need the laughs. My husband has, “Yes, dear.” down pretty well now. Only took 15 years. :0)
I'm actually batting 1000 at that! I've picked her up two different items out of the blue- both at a resale store. A nice blouse, and a complete outfit in her favorite color. Both fit her perfectly, and look fantastic on her!
Sometimes I'm the luckiest guy in the world :)
Oh, and just for the record- my wife disliked me the moment she laid eyes on me! I've been teasing her for years that she should have known I was good husband material from that :).
That’s funny.
It’s hysterical....
Too funny. I wonder if some generations did that more than others? The same FIL figured out after the vacuum that this idea was a no no. However, a few years later he did purchase a lawn mower on MOTHER’S DAY. From my understanding, she left to visit her sister till late that night. Funny now but I bet it wasn’t then.
Silence is Golden. People simmer down. It’s easy to not say harsh words, but not so easy to unsay them.
People can’t change others, they can only change themselves.
When I got married we had some really bad fights. It was horrible actually. We were both bad. Finally I just started holding my damn tongue and it made a huge difference. If I get very irritated, I just hold my peace and often pray - helps a lot, we rarely fight now.
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