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Posted on 08/31/2010 10:24:12 PM PDT by JustAmy
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And how do you think you could possibly do that???
joke 1
A small town had three churches: Presbyterian, Methodist, and Catholic.
All three had a serious problem with squirrels in the church. Each church, in its own fashion, had a meeting to deal with the problem.
The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and that they would just have to live with them.
The Methodists decided they should deal with the squirrels, lovingly, in the style of Charles Wesley. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town. Within 3 days, they were all back in the church.
The Catholics had the best solution. They made the squirrels parishioners. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
joke 2
How Much Time
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t pull me out of the path of that ambulance?”
God replied, “Girl, I didn’t recognize you.”
Loved all 3 jokes, Dubya! Thanks for the funnies!
I meant to come back and say hi, but a friend called and wanted me to run out for a bite of dinner and we did. Enjoyed the food and conversation very much. It was a spur of the moment thing!
Darkness
But the lesser light shines enough
On an Island separate but close enough for distinction to be made from the darker place where light has fled
Darkness upon the face of the deep
Where waves spash endlessly
Noisily
Night and day blur into grey
But the gift of the Greeks
Sophocles and tragedies
And warnings
The Hellenes served up so many things
And now they are of the endless mist
Gone but not forgotten
What is truth but the cardinal or robin who lurk above
Seeking its own sustenance beneath the places we trod
Endlessly their flock does dine on the succulence below
1 Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee.
2 Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.
Radix, that is so intense. Did you write that?
I LOVE spur of the moment thangs!
LOL! Twice!! Thank you!
LOL! Again!! Thanks!
thank you glad you enjoyed them.
thank you glad you enjoyed them.
God Bless!
I tried to follow the poem as I read it.
The Dover Beach has long intrigued me.....
Jaycee,
Would you believe I keep a supply of pure cranberry juice on hand all the time. I drink the unsugared stuff and it is ugly! LOL...
I do forget to drink it when all is well. I started this weekend eating a dish of unsugared and “un-hormoned” ??lol...yogurt. It is supposed to do wonders too. I sure hope so!
Thanks for sharing. Off to bed now here in Los Angeles...
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