Posted on 02/11/2010 12:16:54 PM PST by HamiltonJay
I am looking to collect some dumb sayings for a project, so if can you please take a minute to send me the dumbest or silliest thing a superior or boss has said to you at work, (any job, not just here, and no don't name names).
Nothing that requires a backstory to it, just simple one or two sentence statements that you have been told over the years that in and of themselves have made you shake your head, stare at them in awe, spit your coke out your nose, or whatever.
Thanks
I started at an autoparts store as a parts delivery person.Eventually I also ended up taking on the shipping /receiving,AND the machine shop.I made $7.00/hr for doing THREE jobs that the boss was previously paying out $18.00+/hr.One day when I was eating my lunch he came in and stated:”you will NEVER make a penny more than you make now.” I walked.
National guard captian to me as a shop supervisor a few weeks after he got the GS job:
“Tell me what you do here and what I need to look for at other shops when I inspect them. I don’t know what I am doing or what you do at the shops and need some help.”
He is now an LTC.
Had a boss who brought a new project to me and said, “I need this right away!” I asked, “Do you want it done fast or right? You can’t have both.” He looked puzzled, got an exasperated look on his face and said, “I want it done right.”
Several years ago, one of my roles was Compensation Manager. A boss once told me to tell my 11 employees there would be no raises due to “budget constraints”. Exactly 30 minutes later he calls me back into his office to hand me HIS approved raise (+ $30,000 annual) to put into the pay system. What a d-bag.
Computer challenged CEO asked us to led him know if we didn’t receive his emails.
We were not Managers, we were Leaders on a Team. To keep our sanity we devised a set of code phrases to use instead of the real answer. Example: “I could care less” became “ I am sorry but I was not envolved with that project”. Another was “F#$K OFF” which became “Excuse Me”. A couple of weeks later we were at a Team meeting with the CEO when he asked one of us a question. That Leader had not heard him clearly replied “Excuse Me?”. The rest of the TEAM was reduced to tears and the CEO still has no idea what happened.
dang...how did you know?.........
My boss is black, female and in education....kinda doubt she is a FReeper....just the same she is wonderful....
dang...how did you know?.........
My boss is black, female and in education....kinda doubt she is a FReeper....just the same she is wonderful....
Is that, like, two boxes of Sugar Smacks?
Actually, it’s 3 choices.
Fast. Right. Cheap.
You can only have any 2 of the 3.
You can have it done right. And fast. But it won’t be cheap.
Or you can do it fast and cheap. But it won’t be right.
And so on....
Once I was the base umpire in a tourney softball game, and the home plate umpire made it a point before the game that he was in charge.
Ball hit down the right field line, you could literally see chalk fly. He calls it foul. During the ensuing arument he says to the batter, with God as my witness: “It hit the foul part of the chalk line!”
“Never mind what I say, do what I tell you.”
I have a bad memory, so I’m going with my latest experience. My manager told me last week that because one of the three districts in our national company is doing so much better than the other two districts by managing using “fear”, that the rest of the company has now been instructed by corporate to manage with the same method. This is a well-known christian company.
As our resident would say, musta been hell on the esprit de corpse.
On joining a union.
My point, I am not going to send my money to them in order for it to be sent to Hillary! (this was when it appeared she would be crowned President) and those of her ilk.
His reply, “You don’t have to vote for her.”
I thought that at some time, he might realize how mind numbingly stupid that retort is, but he has continued to use the line.
The good thing is when they start carping about Zero or his minions, I just suggest they send more money to the union so we can get more people like him elected. (^;
We have a HUGE database with electronically imaged documents. My idiot boss (yep, same one I posted about above) asks one of my employees to retrieve and print a document for him. No problem...my employee searches the db for it, prints & delivers it to him. I KID YOU NOT...TWO DAYS LATER THE BOZO BRINGS THE DOCUMENT BACK AND SAYS “OKAY, YOU CAN SCAN THIS BACK INTO THE SYSTEM NOW”.
Then you are as you say, truly blessed. :)
Driving back to the Navy Inn I saw the NCO Club and they were outside having a BBQ, so I stopped. These were all Chiefs doing DI type duty there so it was all forms of Navy. Man those guys could tell some stories. Great time.
I had a PhD engineer ask me to print out a spreadsheet with 250,000 cells of data.
One of the funniest responses, in defense of a Michelle Obama photo thread, ever:
“I thought you were leaving this thread....” (reasoned poster)
Following is response of irate defender of Michelle photo:
I have, but those that seem to like being on it keeping replying to me. I respond when replied to, but as to the thread, I’ve been off of it by choice and am not reading it. I am not speaking unless spoken to, so if you stop responding to me, I won’t be speaking about this tacky thread to you or others. Suggestion, stop replying to me and you won’t have to see my replies to you. I fight back when replied to; it’s my nature not to be a shrinking violet when others take potshots at me. Such is life.
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