"ONCE!"
Posted on 02/11/2010 12:16:54 PM PST by HamiltonJay
I am looking to collect some dumb sayings for a project, so if can you please take a minute to send me the dumbest or silliest thing a superior or boss has said to you at work, (any job, not just here, and no don't name names).
Nothing that requires a backstory to it, just simple one or two sentence statements that you have been told over the years that in and of themselves have made you shake your head, stare at them in awe, spit your coke out your nose, or whatever.
Thanks
Many employees still couldn't make it in, however, because many secondary roads are still impassable. HR decided to take a hard stance, requiring any employee who couldn't make it in would be required to take vacation time. Laptop or not, no telecommuting was authorized.
I needed one of my guys to get some time-sensitive customer-facing work done, and told him to telecommute.
I notified HR, who told me “Many people couldn't make it in, and were forced to use vacation time. They are still working from home, however, to meet customer needs and deadlines." What?
“Once, while working with my mom, she called me a son of a bitch.”
Mom called me that once.....she never got why I laughed.
"So you bought a frog while I was TDY?"
She, "Yes, I was lonely."
My boss in Plano (and he stole it from King of the Hill)..
When he found that I was uncovering and reporting major process and accountabilty issues that were seriously affecting revenue (and he was keeping under his hat)...
“Damnit Mark, I’m trying to stop an outbreak and you’re driving the monkey to the airport.”
We were doing a brigade lay out inspection and our Platoon Sergeant pulled me to the side and said, “Sgt. Bauer, I want you to do the FINAL inspection before the Colonel comes through.”
“Okay Sgt. Watford.” I answered, “What are you gonna do?”
“The VERY FINAL INSPECTION before the Colonel comes through.”
She kept on pronouncing ‘paradigm’ as ‘pair-a-dig-em’ in a department meeting. She must have said it six times in an hour.
Just before the ship went belly up, “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”
ou HR had to advise one of our emps that she (the HR lady) was recieveing complaints about her “odor”
"ONCE!"
My husband and I were resident managers at a storage complex. After we had our second child, I was informed that I was not allowed to have any more.
“You’ve done a poor job mentoring my direct reports”
WTF, isn’t that YOUR job.
Of course I didn’t say that but it ended up in my review.
Zathras like your handle!
“True Sea Story:
Reporting aboard a Navy Destroyer as an Electronics Technician. The chief is going through all the broken equipment stating how bad things are and replies, “I don’t know if you’re married or got a girlfriend but you might as well tell her you are screwing some whore cause you ain’t gettin’ off this ship til we get this equipment up and runnin’.”
Now I can honestly say that that sea story is one that I believe! ROFL
i was working in a dairy queen during high school. one friday evening a guy pulled up to the drive thru and ordered a big mac. my co-worker and i tried several times to explain that we did not sell big macs but would recommend one of our specialty burgers. he insisted that it must be a big mac. our boss was lurking in the area, monitoring the situation, and with a disgusted “oh for heavens sake” went to the mic and told the driver “welcome to mcdonalds, may i take your order.” he then substituted our version of the big mac and fries. then he smirked that this was the way to handle these people. when the disgruntled customer came back a few minutes later yelling that this was not the big mac that he ordered, the boss told him, “sorry about that sir, these kids do some dumb things. never ever hire high school students.”
Boss: They’re all top priority.
Longtime pet peeve of mine - by definition, you can only have one priority. Whenever my boss would talk about 'priorities,' I'd always remind her of this.
She hated me.
my boss explained to me that my hours were cut “because you have a husband, and this is all Amber has” Amber still lived at home with her parents.
As I walked up, he said "do you know how to run one of these things? The secretary usually does it, but she's gone for the day".
I took the papersfrom him, fed them in, and pressed the 'on' button.
"Great," he said. "I need three copies."
(okay, not really)
I once worked for a place where you had to schedule vacation in January. I told my boss that I would be taking a week sometime in April for the birth of my first daughter. THis doofus looked at me with a straight face and said “as long as no one else is gone that week.”
I looked back and just said “It’s not an option.”
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