****The Official Friday Silliness Thread****

[Lucky9teen]

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

 Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

 Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

 The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


 The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

 The women won.

Here's a list of what NOT to give her for Valentines Day:    
    
1.  A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the carmel ones.
2.  Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model.
3.  Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label.
4.  Any food item with the words "diet", "light",  or "high fiber" on the label.
5.  Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.
6.  Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.
7.  Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..."
8.  Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
9.  Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
10.  A gift certificate.
11.  Cash.
12.  Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.        
13.  An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"

It'd actually be funnier if it weren't so sickeningly true...


Barrack Obama 2/14/2009 (Valentine Day) Schedule

3:00am Let voice mail pickup the 3:00am call

7:00am In attempt to get Republicans and Democrats working together, have Cupid costumed Biden hand out heart shaped candy on Senate Floor.

8:00am Send McCain a gag Valentine Day card from Sarah Palin

8:15am Send Hillary a gag Valentine Day card from Bill

9:00am Use BarrackBerry to text Oprah a 143 message.

10:00am Issue executive order for new Obama Girl video

11:00am Call into Limbaugh radio show; Tell Rush that new Universal Health plan will now pay for his pills

Noon Read 1432 message back from Oprah

1:00pm Have press secretary release new valentine videotape where Michelle states that she always has loved the United States

2:00pm Sneak Rev Wright in to renew wedding vows.

4:00pm Take Michelle onto Air Force 1 for romantic viewing of DC; With a wink in eye, request pilot to circle city at altitude greater than a mile

5:00pm Call Al Gore to ask for some Carbon Credits, because being Air Force 1 just exceeded annual allotment.

6:00pm Issue Valentines Day executive order removing North Korea, Syria and Iran from Axis of Evil.

7:00pm Tell Michelle that because you are now the president, you didn’t have time to get Valentines Day present.

8:00pm Spend night alone in Lincoln Room.

9:00pm Call Bush (W) to ask him where the pretzels are.

[Ronin]

Tis Saturday night and RONIN has lordly drink taken... Welcome to Friday you NOOOBS!!!

[Ronin]

Wait.... FRIDAY NIGHT...

(Well I did mention the drink, didn’t I?

YER STILL NOOOOOOOOBS!!!!

[Quix]

I realize we need the humor . . .

but part of me would drape the thread in black . . .

with big red TREASON lettering spattered across it periodically . . .

because of the treasonous porkulus being passed today.

[Dead Corpse]

Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie"

You always seem to have a hot date, even though you never try to meet anyone.
A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people

Your flirting style: 100% natural

What turns you off: serious relationship talks

Why you're hot: you're totally addicting

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

[bigheadfred]

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...<p>

[Travis T. OJustice]

Your Candy Heart Says "BITE ME!"

You love to be in love, as long as it means being showered with attention.
And no need for you to give anything in return - being with you is gift enough.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a first class trip to the bahama's, to fish, ALONE!

Your flirting style: Caveman club

What turns you off: having to "chase" someone

Why you're hot: you're more confident (and arrogant) than a rock star, because you have a right to be!

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

[Travis T. OJustice]

Nair? Nah, needs this:

[ErnBatavia]

"Valentine?? Not what I had in mind!"

[ErnBatavia]

[Sax]

[Zeppelin]

Nice...how bout a candy heart from Obama that says “I WON”

[Sax]

[Zeppelin]

Candy Heart Generator

http://www.cryptogram.com/hearts/

[Liberty Valance]

Be mine!

[gimme1ibertee]

eWWWW! yUck!!!
mY EyeS!!!!!!

[Sax]

[gimme1ibertee]

ROTFLMBO!!!!!!!

[Liberty Valance]

[Liberty Valance]

Former assistant DA arrested on suspicion of defecating outside IHOP

BROWNSVILLE —Police arrested Thomas Whitley Teague, 26, at 3 a.m. Sunday after they responded to a call of a man defecating outside the restaurant at 2430 Pablo Kisel Blvd., according to a Brownsville police report.

Officers arrived at the scene to find Teague intoxicated and spoke to witnesses who claimed "the male subject had pulled his pants down to his ankles and defecated on a bench located directly in front of the establishment's main entrance," the report states. The offense was in plain view of the restaurant's customers who reported it to police.

Jason Moody, spokesman for the Cameron County District Attorney's Office, said Teague had resigned from his position Friday afternoon - before the alleged defecation incident. Moody said Teague cited personal reasons for his departure.

http://www.themonitor.com/articles/teague_23103___article.html/arrested_police.html?orderby=TimeStampDescending&showRecommendedOnly=0&oncommentsPage=2#slComments

[Liberty Valance]

oops
http://www.themonitor.com/articles/teague_23103___article.html/arrested_police.html?orderby=TimeStampDescending&showRecommendedOnly=0&oncommentsPage=2#slComments