Posted on 02/13/2009 4:49:16 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes.
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
Anonymous
“Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.”
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.
“Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house.”
Anonymous
“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”
Hoosier Farmer
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”
Erich Segal
“Love wouldn’t be blind if the Braille weren’t so damned much fun.”
Anonymous
“Falling in love is so hard on the knees.”
Aerosmith
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”
Jules Renard
“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”
Peter Ustinov
“Love is a grave mental disease.”
Plato
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, ‘Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.’
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, ‘You’ve got $10,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did.....better in fact! However, the thing is, it does not come cheap. It’s $1,000 an inch.’
The man perks up at this. ‘So,’ the doctor says, ‘it’s for you to decide how many inches you want. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a six inch one before, and you decide to go for a ten incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a ten inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a six incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.’
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. ‘So,’ says the doctor, ‘have you spoken with your wife?’
‘I have,’ says the man.
‘And has she helped you in making the decision?’
‘Yes, she has,’ says the man.
‘And what is it?’ asks the doctor.
‘We’re getting new countertops”
LOL! That’s great!
Two Reasons Why It ‘s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls an airline and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute..’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.
Does she have a sister?
bump
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9J9rTZJBmw
Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield
Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie" |
A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people Your flirting style: 100% natural What turns you off: serious relationship talks Why you're hot: you're totally addicting |
Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real" |
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get |
Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me" |
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love |
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