Posted on 04/23/2008 9:56:59 AM PDT by Lazamataz
I've been trying to cope with life as it is today. It's different than it was, that's for sure.
About July of 2006, I met the woman of my dreams. Intelligent, very pretty, highly sexually-charged, professional, able to understand my offbeat humor, seemingly very compatible with me in every way. Soon after starting to date, we began to plan to marry. Our target date was June of 2007.
Some things began to bother me, however. She seemed to make major changes, quickly. She converted in levels of religious fervor, and seemed to change in core directions, too quickly. I began to see various, if small, lies.
Too, I had my problems. I was beginning to become judgemental about her. I wasn't accepting who she was, but who I wanted her to be. She was judgemental and controlling in return.
I noticed she had a huge low self-esteem, and I also have been cursed with that -- although I am working on myself, diligently. She admitted to me that she had bulimia, but then lied about individual episiodes. There were times she smelled like vomit, but swore she hadn't acted out.
Well, around about October of last year, she hooked up with the father of her child, a 5x convicted felon and currently-active crackhead.
She called me last week because she needed groceries. Apparently, she started using crack with him, picking up this habit at the age of 42. She lost her job. Her car's about to be repossessed. She has no electricity. She's fallen apart. Her skin tone, normally beautiful, is ashen. She looks about 10 years older than she did. Her hair was a mess. She had bruises all over her. She's gained 20-30 lbs, and has a big belly now, and fat legs. She wasn't attractive any more. She just wasn't.
Her house is trashed. There is damage to many of the interior door jams, like someone busted in. There is trash on the floor everywhere. There doesn't appear to be a clean dish in the house. The hallways had empty crack bags in them. The clothes they wore looked unwashed.
Ray had a big bite mark on his arm where she bit to the muscle. She's become an animal -- an animal who bites. She was spiritually vacant. Her eyes had no soul.
She's absolutely not for me. She hates herself. She's incapable of love. She doesn't even give a *** about her daughter. That's the toughest part to see. She says her daughter is a typical rebellious teenager. MAYBE it has a LITTLE to do with the fact that the house is falling into a pit of horror, and her Mom is high on crack, drunk out of her mind, fighting and biting her husband until he bleeds.
She's dangerously insane. I will never consider being with her for a minute. I cannot believe I almost married this nutcase. I need better discernment.
I've been waiting for you to post an article such as this. I'm sorry you're hurting. God bless you, Laz.
Well before you move on, I’d call child services and jsut anonymously report whats going on. One thing mommy wants to flush her life down the toilet, she has no right to take her kids with her.
Having her kids taken away will either straighten her up, or show that she’s incapable of doing so.
I'd be interested in the list at some point
Being "judgemental" saved your keester - - count your blessings.
Repeat - NEVER, EVER DATE A SINGLE MOTHER!!!!!!
Maybe a widow or when your in your late 50’s and her kids are already grown you can make an exception but other than those - Stay far away from single mothers. Especially one that's never been married.
Remember they got to be single mothers because they wanted the exciting bad boy/player/thug and after the “Jerk” inevitably leaves then they will seek out the nice guy. You will never be anything to a single mother, all she will see in you is a wallet to pay for her kid(s) and given the opportunity she will always go back to the the jerk. Even if she doesn't, you will always be the consolation prize and she will never respect you.
Don't believe the media that single mothers are noble creatures overcoming extreme hardship after being the poor victim of some evil man. They are not, they made their choices and they are responsible for their situation.
Sure, someone will post on how wonderful their stepdad was. That was then, this is now. Back then, the thing to do was get married right out of high school and pump out babies and plus there was limited opportunities for women for anything else, so yeah it's easy to see how a good woman back then could have easily gotten herself stuck with the wrong guy. But today, women have all the choices in the world, there's no reason for a woman to get stuck with anybody. If they had a kid with a bad guy, it's because they wanted to!!!
Again, Never, Ever date a single mother you will save yourself a lot of grief. It is better to be alone.
My ex had a real addiction monster that was with her till the day she died.
You'll get through this my friend. I've got faith in the Laz man.
Good call involving her family. You've done your due diligence. Now GTFO for your own sake.
Best,
L
There are plenty of people here on FReepers who will tell you that receational drugs do no harm. A lot of them are Pauliacs. I’ve seen far to many people destroy themselves with drugs over the years your having an up close and personal demonsration. Be very careful there are so many ways that you can be hurt by her addiction.
Ping me when you get the list. Thanks.
I am from the rural parts of Alabma...but left over 30 years ago. I rarely go back...maybe once every two to three years. There in the rural parts...where most folks were fairly religious and life was rather simple...an amusing assortment of drugs are walking hand in hand through the rural parts...and destroying piece by piece of what I knew.
First you have meth...which folks get addicted to and cannot get off. Then you have simple old grass...which is now a very common item amongst the 30 to 50 year olds. Then you have oxie...which is the pain relief you turn to from high school or college football...which you take the first prescription you get from the regular doctor and then the other prescriptions you get from assorted other doctors. You feel no pain, but you don’t think in a coherent fashion either.
My dad lives on a farm...where nothing used to be strange. Up north of the house...some folks built a house and five years later...the wife (five kids) had issues with meth. She got upset one night with the husband who was in the lazyboy, and pulled a butcher knife and tried to slit his throat. She cut enough for it to bleed but not kill him. They caught her the next day...but he would press charges. The gal ran off a dozen times after that...with truckers mostly...making runs out to Texas and back (picking up drugs I would guess).
There was a shooting on the main rural road six years ago...some guy on meth who got upset because some guy passed him on the main road. One dead driver...the meth guy was sent off to prison. Most folks couldn’t comprehend that one.
I have my brother who sees a house or two in the community robbed each week...primarily with teenagers who need to score and just need $40 to make the grade. It used to be rare to see one robbery a month back in the 1980s...but thats all changed.
The oxie fools...can’t quit the pain-reliever because they have too much pain and suffering...and rehab just won’t work. So they stand in front of you at the grocery store....smiling like a cheeser cat...for no reason...or totally out of focus to comprehend anything difficult.
So its all sliding down into a nightmare....with no relief. I don’t see nothing getting better. We are going to find dreams mostly jagged and worth little in the future.
I know this part really sucks. Not only your heartache but the care and concern you have for this child. Do your best to help the daughter find a safe place if you can.
The road you’ve travelled has been a difficult one at times but know your best years are still ahead.
Sending you a hug...
You may get flamed for your post, but not from me.
I agree. And for another reason.
You will always come in second to her child. Always.
And when that child resents you for coming inbetween you and her mother; when that child openly rebels against you because her mother is now sharing her love....
You will be sorry.
I’m sure there are other good reasons why you should not date a single mother, but what about single dads.
Should a woman date a single dad???
You’re lucky to see this in a short time. I waited until I was married 5 years before the symptoms developed. If you bring them out slowly the man usually doesn’t notice until he’s too old or too lazy to care.
So, Thursday's a good day for us to get married? Cool!
She could easily have dragged you into the chemical abyss.
That's nice, but can I get a little sex maybe?
Now all the suicide pics make sense. Hang in there brother, Jesus Christ saves, if you let Him.
Ahh, man, that sux. I too have seen what crack can do, and it ain’t pretty. Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing, but the hard thing too, by moving on and taking care of yourself. Hang in there, my FRiend. I will be praying for you.
Or to quote from the great Anna Russell's 1950s send-up of a Gilbert & Sullivan lyric: "Things would be so different, if they were not as they are."
Rule #1 - NEVER, EVER DATE A SINGLE MOTHER!!!!!!
Repeat - NEVER, EVER DATE A SINGLE MOTHER!!!!!!
You horrid little “man”. You would be lucky to meet the likes of myself. Three kids, two full time jobs and would never bring a “man” like you home to meet my wonderful children. I could never date a man who thought I was after him for his money. Check yourself at the door, maybe you are the one that is not so great, that you attract bad women, mothers or not.
PS You do not sound like a real “man” at all.
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