GETTING OFF BOOZE (or DRUGS)

self | September 16, 2007 | RobFromGa

[RobFromGa]

I have had a few FReepermails from people lately that are ready to deal with their addiction problems and want to quit but it is challenging.

I can't post details but do they really matter anyway? Anyone that has been there knows the feelings that are provoked by the thought of quitting. And the deal-making behavior that we try in order to be able to continue to consume.

I myself will be 4 years sober on October 8, and I appreciate all the help that I got along the way, and continue to get.

I am asking the Recovery community to psot their messages of encouragement and to give useful advice to our fellow human being that might be on the cusp of quitting and who need our best advice.

What would you tell a friend that asked you:

I want to quit booze (or drugs), I really do, but I need help...

Thanks in advance for your great advice...

Note: If you are just going to be negative, please find another thread to post on, please.

[RobFromGa]

Here’s a link to an online pdf of the 1937 version, you can get a paperback in any bookstore used or new. It is a classic.

http://www.zpointprocess.com/resources/thinkandgrowrich.pdf

[don-o]

bump

[2111USMC]

Thanks raybbr.

[Peace Is Coming]

bttt

[Caramelgal]

Getting clean and sober is the hardest thing any addict or alcoholic will ever have to do in life because it is seemingly against our nature to not drink or drug because for what ever reason we are just wired differently.

I am sensitive, I hurt easily and I don’t suffer well.

That sums up my experience.

Seeking numbness to resolve our problems and quiet our deepest fears about ourselves has served many of us well for a long time and alcohol and drugs has been our solution and so often and seemingly our best friend over the years and it’s really hard to say goodbye to such a friend. It’s hard to say goodbye to the one thing that has told us we are OK and just like or even better than everyone else. Under the influence we can, for a time, suppress our inner demons and our deepest fears and for a while with the help of our drink or drug of choice, we are deceived into thinking that every thing is just fine. Under the influence we finally like ourselves and believe everyone else likes us too. But then the morning after comes….

Drugs and alcohol are not our friends. They draw us away from our real friends and the family who really care about us. They make us tell lies to our loved ones; our wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, to our bosses, to everyone who matters, and especially to ourselves. Addiction makes us make excuses for our missed days at work, our absence from family functions or makes excuses for our bad behavior. Addiction makes us selfish and self centered. Addiction makes us say “I don’t care”. Addiction makes us stop caring about others and eventually it makes us stop caring about ourselves. Addiction tells us that everyone else is out to get us and nothing is our fault. Addiction tells us it’s OK to lie and cheat and steal or put off. Addiction draws us deeper into the world of other addicts; other sick and selfish persons like ourselves so it’s no wonder that we end up feeling so alone. This disease pretends to be our friend but it really wants nothing more than to see us dead. We’ve tried to control our so called friend and found that we can’t control it on our own and despite all our best efforts, we are powerless.

There comes a time for many of us when the pain of living addicted, the pain of being drunk or high finally out ways the pain of getting sober and another solution has to be sought.

We finally look at ourselves and have a moment of truth; “this is not the solution anymore; this is the problem”. We look at our lives under the influence and finally admit that addiction controls us, that we have no control anymore. Then we tell someone else – anyone else. That’s the first step - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and or drugs - that our lives had become unmanageable.

If you are at this point and you’ve asked for help, relax and take a deep breath, you’ve already accomplished a lot. Now keep asking for help. You may be surprised how many people are willing to help you once you get honest with yourself. Yes, some people may be tired of hearing your endless promises and resolutions, but if you really admit you are powerless and ready to go to any lengths, there are a lot of people who can help you, even some of those people who you think have already given up on you.

Try and get into a good rehab. Yes there are many excuses why you will not want to do this: “I can’t take time off work”, “I’ll get fired”, “It’s too expensive”, “How will I support my family”, “What will other people think?”….Now think about how many days you’ve already missed from work because of your addiction or days you’ve been there but not “been all there”. Think about the cost of losing your job due to your addiction and think about what people already think about you. You probably think you are good at keeping it a secret but think about your family and what you’ve put them trough and think how relived and supportive they will be when you stop making excuses and finally get help. You think you can keep hiding but you’ve probably already run out of places to hide. When you run out of so many places to hide that your world has now become smaller than a shoebox, you don’t really have anywhere else to go. If you were having a heart attack right now you’d probably call 9-11. Getting into rehab or detox is just as important.

If you really can’t go to rehab, then call AA or NA right now and find the nearest meeting and get to one as soon as you can. If you get a message, don’t despair, someone will call you back. If you can’t stop using right now, that’s OK too because someone else has been there and will take you to a meeting. No one will understand you better than someone who has been where you are right now. Their sobriety depends on you just as much as your sobriety depends on them – that’s how it works.

Oh, I know you don’t want to do that either. You have a lot of excuses for that too. “I don’t want to go to AA because it’s a religious thing”. Relax or as one old time told me, “All you need to understand about God right now is that you are not God anymore and you are not in control of the Universe live alone your own life”.

“AA is full of people a lot worse off than me”…OK, but instead of thinking your way out because you aren’t that bad yet, think about how bad do you really want it to get? Some stories you hear will be horrific but let them be the stories you haven’t had to experience yet because you stopped in time. Instead of using them as an excuse to think your way out, thank them for saving you the pain you didn’t have to endure. Stay around for awhile and I guarantee you will soon hear a story very similar to yours. Or as another old time told me, “Take the cotton out of your ears and stuff it in your mouth, be quite for a while and just listen”.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them

[YankeeGirl]

My buddy and I were hitting the bottle pretty heavily until 9/10/06 when I decided I was in a bad place went to a Weight Watchers meeting, decided to stop drinking and get healthy. I am not an alcoholic, but I totally stopped drinking for about 3 months and now hardly drink anything at all. My eating and drinking triggers were similar, (bored, anxious, sad, around others, hanging in bars and restaurants). I lost 60 lbs and feel 100% better. I haven’t had a hangover in over a year. I look and feel 10 years younger and can stay focused on things again.

My buddy IS an alcoholic. When I stopped drinking I could see exactly how self-destructive a path he was on. His family intervened 3 months later after I told them that he had spent Christmas eve sleeping on my front porch and was effectively homeless.

He is working the program and over 8 months sober after 25+ years of drinking. It has been hard, but he is living in a sober house two hours away and is slowly putting the pieces of his life together.

I love him, but was unable to see a future together for us. He has so much further to go, and I will not add to the pressure on him. But now there is a small light at the end of the tunnel. I pray for him every night and have done what his family thinks is appropriate.

I don’t know what the future hold for him or us, but he is facing the things he has hidden from for years. In my own small way I am going through changes in how I view many things that were out of control in my life and he has shared many things about his recovery. I have read much of the Big Book that he talked about and have found help for myself in many of the steps and stories. Many of his friends from the program he was in have relapsed (drugs and alcohol) and this scares and saddens him.

But he continues to stay sober each day and started doing the things we all take for granted like paying rent instead of buying booze and being in control of his life each day. He says not drinking has not been the hard part for him, but being sober is a challenge, and I think I understand a little. I am so proud of him.

I will pray for this FReeper. I will continue to pray for this man I care for, and I will pray for myself.

[RobFromGa]

Great post, thanks for sharing that. It is very hard to make the break from our constant companion- alcohol- but well worth the effort.

[RobFromGa]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m glad that you are able to help your friend with his addiction!

[Stashiu]

As my first sponsor told me, “First you have to take the rum out of the fruitcake!” Of course that made me mad as hell. However, after about 18 years of being clean, and not being happy, joyous and free, I sought help for my other problems.

I was lucky enough to know someone in the program who pulled me aside one day and said “You know, it is ok to get outside help for other problems. I know where you are. Been there and done that. I may not be happy, joyous and free, but I sure have my moments of being content!”

So, I went off to the VA hospital for an eval. The clinical staff were amazed that I was not using booze or any kind of meds or street drugs. My VA clinician told me one day “Suffering is optional”. I got into treatment for chronic combat PTSD and haven’t looked back since.

I can honestly say that now, I am clean and sober. I feel good most of the time. Having a neurological disorder is a bummer. However, although it is not curable, it is treatable.

My old life required alcohol. My new one does not.

[Stashiu]

Oh, and this past July I reached my 23d year clean and sober.

[Stashiu]

Most of all, don’t give up before the miracle!

[kanawa]

Are you willing to go any length?

When I was at the bottom, deep in despair with no one to talk to,
the Good Lord brought about an unexpected meeting with an old friend.
As I poured out my soul, he asked me, "Are you willing to go any length?"
and I realized that I was and that was the start of my road to recovery.

I soon discovered that the most important length
was the distance from my knees to the ground.
I needed to get down on them, humble myself before my Higher Power,
ask for help and be willing to receive it.
And boy, the grace of God is a wonderful thing to experience!

It'll be 10 years this coming Spring, thank you Father.

[Puppage]

It'll be 10 years this coming Spring, thank you Father.

Fantastic!! I just celebrated 11yrs on Sept. 5th.

I NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD!!

[GSWarrior]

When I quit smoking I ate a lot of gummy worms.

[red devil 40]

132 days.......

[PatriotEdition]

Thanks to all for your input on this thread. I am just starting to get clean and sober myself. 3 days and counting - gotta start somewhere.

I will be saving this thread and I will read it a lot - in the future, when I am clean 5 weeks... then 3 months... then 6 months... one year... 5 years... 10 years... I will look back and I will remember this thread as I read it now - just beginning my journey into a better life.

God bless you all.

Billy

[Toadman]

1

[My2Cents]

Rob,

Congratulations to you on your upcoming 4-years of sobriety. And thank you for the courage to bring this up, and to post the helpful links.

I recently discovered that my brother has substance abuse problems; he went into rehab last month, but didn't finish the program. My sister and I are now looking at intervention, with professional coaching, to make sure he gets into a program that will help him. Your links will prove to be a valuable resource to me, I'm sure.

Again, many thanks.

[RobFromGa]

My2Cents,

Good luck, and prayers from Georgia for your brother in the hope the finds the wisdom to ask for help and the courage to stick with it.

He must recognize that it can be done and it can be much better without the booze and then ya’ll can help. But he has to recognize the problem and want to do something about it.

Let me know if you need anything, I will ping the list for advice on your borther...

[RobFromGa]

God Bless you Billy, I wich you the best. 3 DAYS is GREAT! Keep up the good work it gets easier, at least it did for me. But you can’t let up.