GETTING OFF BOOZE (or DRUGS)

self | September 16, 2007 | RobFromGa

[Eric in the Ozarks]

In March of 1986, I quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey. Tobacco's not as additive as some other things, you might say; and that's probably true. None the less, here's what I did:
I was up to about two and a half packs a day, short of wind and coughing up crud all the time. I traveled for my job and one night I got home dead tired and hit the sack at 8:15. I coughed myself away at about 1 AM, and naturally, went out to the kitchen for a smoke. No cigarettes in the carton drawer--damn. I went out to the car where I usually keep a spare backup pack--no cigs; it was a new company Chevy and I hadn't had time to stash one. Back to the bedroom and found my shirt. The shirt pocket held a pack with two smokes inside. Saved.
I'd been thinking about quitting for a while and had quit a couple of times, only to mooch one from somebody and then go right back to buying cartons. I sat down at the kitchen table and thought, "one cigarette tonight and I'll smoke the last one tomorrow after breakfast and that will be it."
I slept on my agreement with myself, awaking the next day, still thinking about the little obligation. I smoked the last Winston and crumpled up the pack and threw it hard into the trash can.
Nothing happened for a few days. I wanted a cigarette, sure, but every time my body pushed the demand button, I answered with a piece of fruit or gum or glass of tea. I stayed out of my usual after work bar haunts for a while, too. Beer and a smoke went together too closely to risk it.
I didn't tell any one either. I made my usual calls on customers, had friends over for chow. The new car smelled nice, with no reminder of tobacco. The house started to smell clean too. Wife had quit about six months earlier so there were no temptations in the house.
About three months into the program, one of my best friends finally noticed, "Eric, you're not smoking, what the.."
By then, the worst of it was over. I'd quit coughing. I'd put on about 10 pounds but shed that in a year. Food tasted really good for a change.
I think it was a bit of self hypnotism and a worry in the back of my mind that smokes were really harming me. I didn't tell anyone because I wanted it to be my "secret" that I enjoyed keeping to myself. Plus, I'd been pimped unmercifully by my pals when I'd announced quitting and then went right back to smoking.
I would say it was a year or more before I quit reaching into my shirt pocket at moments of opportunity. Another five years before I quit thinking about cigarettes.

[RobFromGa]

Good for you, Eric! And thanks for sharing your story. I never had to quit smoking but I did a can a day of Skoal for about eight years (most of my twenties) and quitting that was very tough.

[Eric in the Ozarks]

I guess the lesson is, you've gotta do it yourself and if you haven't made up your mind to do it, all the nicotine gum and therapy classes won't make any difference.
Cheers!

[DancesWithCats]

I am ill. I face many, many health problems on a daily basis. I neither drink nor smoke nor do drugs. So why am I sticking my big fat nose in here?

Because ... my health problems and the way they daily confront myself and my loved ones with their challenges are not my choice. YOU had a choice. You adopted the challenges you face because of a choice you made to do drugs or to drink and, albeit as difficult as it is (and I’m not belittling the difficulties ... I know how hard it is to quit ... I used to smoke and I quit a long, long time ago ... it wasn’t easy but I did it) ... you can quit. And then these health problems and the difficulties that you and your loved ones are going through because of your addiction (whatever it is) will cease.

I don’t have that choice with my disease. It is here to stay. I didn’t choose it. I’d cut off my right arm to be rid of it and I don’t have that choice. YOU have a choice and you get to keep your right arm.

I encourage you to take strength and courage from knowing that you CAN quit if you steel your resolve enough. I could screw up my resolve from here till the cows come home and I’d still have the disease (Mixed Connective Tissue Disease) and no choice in the matter.

GO FOR IT!!!! Make a better life for you and your loved ones. DON’T QUIT on you or them! QUIT FOR them and you!! You can do it. You can do it. You can do it.

Good luck. God bless.

DWC

[2111USMC]

Thanks for the ping Rob. More importantly, thank you for the encouragement you and others have given me on these threads.

In answer to your question, I believe that about all you can do is share your experience, strength, and hope. It is most helpful to a newcomer if they are able to hear other people telling “their story”.

AA is the only program that has ever been able to help me achieve any measurable amount of sobriety. I’ve tried and failed at all of the half-measures and applications of will power that we have all tried. I’ve done the treatment thing. I substituted drugs for alcohol. I’ve tried going the straight church route. I’ve played all the mental games of trying to “control” my drinking, etc., etc.

As someone posted earlier, your friends need to attend meetings. They need to see live examples of people “living it”. As you know, it is a program of attraction rather than promotion. Having witnessed it themselves, if they are ready, they will decide “I want this thing”.

Just a small part of my story: I was first exposed to AA about 24 years ago. I was around long enough to know that I belonged there. However, I was not “ready”. At that time, I could not relate to failed relationships, failed businesses, drinking in the mornings, losing jobs, etc. Fortunately, that experience “planted the seed”. I went back “out” for about 23 years.

Coming back into the program (just 17 months ago), I found that I had lived and experienced all of those things that I thought I couldn’t relate to 24 years ago. I was physically, financially, morally, and spiritually bankrupt. My life was a living hell. I was at the point where I could not longer envision living life with or without alcohol. I was at the stepping off point.

Not everybody has to hit a bottom as low as mine. This again is where meetings and talking to other recovering alcoholics will help your friends. They need to hear straight out from people who have lived it what is in store for them if they continue to drink. Naturally, they also need to see that there is a solution and that there is life after alcohol.

I am a firm believer in keeping it “one day at a time”. For myself, I have to do this. Even after 17 months of sobriety, there are times that the obsession and compulsion to drink are still very strong. Everybody is different. The compulsion will leave some people in a few months. Others struggle with it for years. Asking for help and focusing on the solution for just 24 hours at a time makes the job manageable.

Thanks again for the ping. I missed a meeting this morning so this thread gave me the opportunity to think about and focus on the “solution rather than the problem”.

[2111USMC]

Of course, a few cliches can be helpful too:

Easy does it
Live and let live
First things first
One day at a time
Keep it simple
Don’t drink even if your ass falls off.
Don’t drink, don’t think and go to meetings.
Call your sponsor before you pick up the first drink.
A. A. is the last stop on the train.
One is too many, a thousand is not enough.
To be of maximum service to others.
We’ll love you, until you learn to love yourself.
90 meetings in 90 days.
Try to be grateful and resentful at the same time, you can’t serve two masters.
Write a gratitude list and count your blessings.
You can always tell an alcoholic, but you can’t tell him much.
Faith chases away fear.
Take other people’s inventory until you can take your own.
Pain before sobriety and pain before serenity.
Unity, recovery, and service.
A drug is a drug.
If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, hide it in the Big Book.
You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk.
Live life on life’s terms.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
She came thru the back door of A.A. (Al-Anon).
When we were drunk we didn’t have relationships, we took prisoners and held hostages.
When we couldn’t dominate, control, or manipulate, we would ask for terms and conditions.
We have to give it away to keep it.
Surrender to become Victorious.
The bottle, big house, or the box.
Death, insanity, or recovery.
Today “we” have a choice.
We don’t get run over by the train, we get hit by the engine (1st. drink).
If ya wonders [if your an alcoholic], then ya is.
“Instant a—hole”, just add alcohol.
I didn’t get into trouble every time I drank, but every time
I got in trouble I was drunk.
If we knew which drink was going to cause “wet brain”, we would stop just before it.
I came, I came to, I came to believe.
Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over, and over again, expecting different results.
We are without defense against the first drink, our defense must come from a power greater than ourselves.
What would the master do?
A newcomer is someone with less than five years sobriety.
The easier softer way is one thru twelve.
Don’t work my program, or your program, work “the program”.
If you want what we have and your willing to go to any lengths to get it.
Ask us how we did it, then do what we did.
Qualifications for me to help you, one- you have to need it, two- you have to want it, three- you have to ask for it, four- you have to ask me.
Two things you have to do to become an old-timer, don’t drink and don’t die.
I can’t, he can, so I think I’ll let him.
Let go and let God.
The alcoholic’s mind is like a bad neighborhood, don’t go there alone.
Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.
If you sit on the pity pot too long, you’ll form rings around your a—.
If you want to stay sober, make the coffee.
If you can’t remember your last drink, maybe you haven’t had it.
Gratitude, that’s the attitude.
Faith without works is dead.
Get to the meeting early and go to the meeting after the meeting.
I’ve been sober and I’ve been drunk. Sober’s better so I think I’ll stay sober.
The definition of an alcoholic; an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
Cunning, baffling, powerful, and patient.
When the pain of staying sober becomes less than the pain of getting drunk, you’ll stay sober.
My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk.
Keep your hands in your pants and give the newcomer a chance.
The first year is a gift.
Underneath every skirt is a slip.
Half measures availed us nothing.
None of us came here on a winning streak.
The farther I get from my last drink, the closer I get to my next drunk.
This to shall pass.
Where do I find sobriety? Twelve steps past any lengths.
How does it work? It works just fine.
If you hang around the barber shop long enough, you’ll get a haircut.
Don’t hang around wet places and wet faces.
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic.
I might have another drunk left in me, but do I have another recovery?
The elevator to sobriety is broken, take the steps.

[Lazamataz]

I remember my last drug use (or the one that was directly proceeding my last drug use, rather). The one where the money was gone, the job was lost, my woman wouldn't talk to me after saying it was over, my sponsor wasn't answering the phone, and none of my network was around. Not even God was by my side, it seemed.

I was totally alone, with nothing.

I was in panic.

I remember when I found what motivated me to destroy myself, by working the steps. I remember the sense of freedom I felt when I realized that all my perceptions of myself were false. I remember the overwhelming relief that came when I realized I never needed to do drugs again.

[Lazamataz]

You forgot “Grow Up or Die, MotherHugger.”

[RGSpincich]

The one where the money was gone, the job was lost, my woman wouldn't talk to me after saying it was over, my sponsor wasn't answering the phone, and none of my network was around. Not even God was by my side, it seemed.

The sooner a drunk/user gets to this point the better, imo. Monetary fortunes and loved ones souls are consumed in futile attempts to babysit a drunk through rehab.

[RobFromGa]

Glad you found some peace, Laz! Thanks for sharing.

[SweetCaroline]

Picture the outcome that you want as though you already had achieved it, and do this frequently.

This same message helped me loose 70 pounds in less than a year.

[truth_seeker]

In my case, I got to AA from a family intervention. The intervention leader was a sober priest. He suggested to me from the start that I try prayer. (I am not Catholic, the priest was a friend of a sober friend)

During the next few days, I detoxed in the rooms of AA, with 2 meetings per day for a few weeks.

For me, the first year was not easy. The craving for alcohol was often present. I had some problems, like an auto crash, injury, surgery, pain, etc. Financial issues, filing tax returns for five years, etc.

But through that time, I stayed very close to AA. I was working the steps with my sponsor. Things got different, and then they got better.

I picked up some life interests, to occupy free time, after work, family and AA. For me it was initially reading, mostly history. And genealogy.

The big book of AA tells us how to work with newcomers, wives, families, employers, etc. Follow the instructions as written.

I call myself a textbook alcoholic. I did it like it says in the book. Now, to pass it on, I am very active with my local fellowship hall, where many meetings are held.

Some may benefit from outside help, like a Betty Ford type clinic, a detox facility, etc. In other words, “separate the subject from the substance” as my sponsor says.

Today marks 4,971 days sober for me. That is 13 years, 7 months, and 11 days.

When the idea of enjoying a drink comes up, and it does, I think it through. First, I never had “a drink.” And I didn’t have two, like my normie wife occasionally does. I had many, many.

The only thing that can ruin my life is the first drink. So I don’t play games with my sobriety.

[raybbr]

First I would tell them that millions of others have survived, and even thrived, after quitting drinking. Although it's pretty scary many of us have done it.

Here is a bit of my story:

I awoke the Sunday after Thanksgiving following three days of drunkenness. I had caught my first wife kissing another guy on the Wednesday before. I punched him in the jaw and she left for the Holiday weekend.

That Sunday morning I remember standing at the top of the stairs with a knife pointed at my chest. I had already been drinking gin straight from the bottle. The plan was to "fall" down the stairs and kill myself by "accidentally" stabbing myself.

Why I didn't do it was a mystery for many years. I finally accepted that God (my Higher Power) had other plans for me.

That day I called a rehab in New Haven called Shirley Franks. They accepted me (probably because I had good insurance) that night when I literally crawled up the front steps. When the program (Detox and the 28 days of rehab) was explained to me I balked. They convinced me to at least stay the night. I did.

The next morning I awoke having sweated all night. After breakfast I began to feel numb. It started in my toes and hands. Eventually it worked its way throughout my body till literally my cheeks and tongue were twisting into spasms.

I was detoxing. The rehab was next door to St. Raphael's Hospital and that's where I was headed. The ambulance guys had to put me in a carrier designed for stairs since there were no elevators.

The thing that I remember most from that moment were the people currently in rehab lining the stairwell to wish me well and telling me that they would pray for me. Some reached out to shake my hand. Some simply touched my arm and smiled at me. But they were all there to show me that my recovery would not be a lonely one. People were there to help.

I spent eight hours in the emergency room getting intravenous fluids and vitamin shots. Slowly some semblance of sanity crept into my head. I realized that this was a "do or die" moment. A choice had to be made.

While in the emergency room sitting up in bed they brought a guy in to the next bed. He was an older fellow about 60. (At the time I was thirty).

He proceeded to tell the nurses and doctors that he, this was Monday, on Friday was taking over management of the emergency room and they had better be nice to him.

I remember clearly thinking "This guy really belongs here."

The irony was not lost on me though. I knew that my choice really wasn't a choice but that to go on living the way I did would lead to death in a short period of time. I decided to take the "hard" way and stay in rehab. And, it turned out to be hard. Learning about yourself and finding out how really screwed up you are is not easy. So many character defects can me masked with alcohol.

I had no support from my first wife and my family was all in Illinois. There were, however, lots of people at the rehab there to help. Thirty-three days later I was released scared and not the least bit aware of how to live life in sobriety.

I took the advice given me and went to a 90 in 90. That means 90 AA meetings in 90 days. It helped. I kept going to AA and I made lots of friends and have been sober ever since.

I do not write this to brag but to show that it can be done. If you seek the help.

That will be nineteen years this Thanksgiving with the help of God. Nineteen years of sober living. It's actually three years longer of sober living as compared to the years of drinking that started at the age of 13.

Now almost nineteen years later I have a new wife and two beautiful boys.

I would also say to those who wish to help to be prepared. It won't be easy for you either. Don't try to be the only one helping a person get sober. Get all the help you can.

[raybbr]

Thanks again for the ping. I missed a meeting this morning so this thread gave me the opportunity to think about and focus on the “solution rather than the problem”.

I haven't been to a meeting a quite awhile. I wrote my previous post with tears running down my cheeks. I too, thank God that I have been able to see this thread. It's helped me today.

Congratulations on your 17 months of new life.

[RobFromGa]

It is a powerful tool to visualize our desired outcomes. Our brain is like a guided missile that searches out that which we program it to find.

Anyone who hasn’t read Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich should do so. It is not only about getting rich in the financial sense.

[RobFromGa]

All very good advice truth_seeker. I especially liked your ending:

When the idea of enjoying a drink comes up, and it does, I think it through. First, I never had “a drink.” And I didn’t have two, like my normie wife occasionally does. I had many, many. The only thing that can ruin my life is the first drink. So I don’t play games with my sobriety.

One sign of how strong of a force these addictions can be is the fact that we would even consider for even a second the idea of starting again, knowing that we don't have the discipline (or whatever) to control the amount.

I am much better living in the ON-OFF world with alcohol (and keeping the switch at OFF) than I am with any kind of dimmer control, regulating a level between ON and OFF. My dimmer is busted.

[RobFromGa]

Your post is very moving, I thank God that I never had to get to the point that so many must get to. I appreciate your telling that story very much.

For anyone who is not at that bottom point, and who thinks they may have a problem regulating alcohol, quit now so that you don’t have to suffer the horrors that might be awaiting you. You might save your life. Many never escape with their lives intact.

[RobFromGa]

I too, thank God that I have been able to see this thread. It's helped me today.

I'm so glad he moved me to post it and that it has helped. It seemed like it had been a while since we all shared some of this.

I hope that our FRiends are reading and know that we care about their struggle against addiction.

[OldEagle]

Quitting an addiction is difficult. Doing it without help is almost impossible, but you can help yourself a lot by developing a plan and a positive attitude. If you have the time and can work on your brain for a couple of weeks, quitting becomes a lot easier. I quit drinking over 30 years ago, quit smoking about 25 years ago and haven’t gone back on either.

[SweetCaroline]

Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich should do so.

Thanks Rob I'll check it out.