[NormsRevenge]

A farmer stands in his field of 'Bhut jolokia,' or 'ghost chili' peppers at Changpool in the northeastern Indian state of Assam, Wednesday, July 4, 2007. Bhut jolokia, a thumb-sized chili pepper with frightening potency, was recently rated the spiciest chili in the world by Guinness World Records. It is widely eaten as a spice, a cure for stomach troubles and, seemingly paradoxically, a way to fight the crippling summer heat too. (AP Photo/Manish Swarup)

[NormsRevenge]

Farmer Digonta Saikia shows a 'Bhut jolokia' or 'ghost chili' pepper plucked from his field in the northeastern Indian state of Assam, Wednesday, July 4, 2007. Bhut jolokia, a thumb-sized chili pepper with frightening potency, was recently rated the spiciest chili in the world by Guinness World Records. It is widely eaten as a spice, a cure for stomach troubles and, seemingly paradoxically, a way to fight the crippling summer heat too. (AP Photo/Manish Swarup)

[Yo-Yo]

I like hot sauce. I like very HOT hot sauce. I thought there wasn't a sauce around that I couldn't handle. Then my wife bought me a bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce. Apparently I'm just a big wimp.

[Jaysun]

I ate a raw Habanero once and thought I’d surely die. I had hallucinations, projectile flatulence, lockjaw, you name it. The first thing I saw when I woke up was a banner that said, “Welcome Back From Your Coma Jason!”

[dakine]

Dinner...

[Responsibility2nd]

Any hot chili thread requires the following joke.....

Notes from an Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK:
“Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy. And besides, they told me, I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you’re an internet writer and therefore known and adored by all. Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili #1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These people are crazy.

Chili #2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.

Chili #3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I’ve located a @%##!! Uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call her “Sally.” (Behind her back they probably call her “Mac Truck.”)

Chili #4: Bubba’s Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn’t have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me, her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled. It’s kinda cute.

Chili #5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Chili #6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.

Chili #7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3; he appears to be in a bit of distress.
FRANK: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing; it’s too painful and I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I’ve found a super nova on my tongue.

Chili #8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili; neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend of chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
FRANK: I see a white light before me.. Momma? Is that you?

[EveningStar]

TaЯd ping!

The "tards" are the ping list members - not necessarily the subject of the thread.

[HungarianGypsy]

**Freeper Kitchen Ping**

[uglybiker]

you were probably in college, maybe your early 20s — when you'd had too much to drink and challenged a friend to a chili-pepper-eating contest. You slopped down one jalapeno after another, enjoying the way it battered your system.

Which became the inspiration of half of the 'lyrics' (a.k.a. mindless scraming)in today's heavy metal tunes.

[Lost Dutchman]

Eating this chili will hurt... Twice.

[JimSEA]

a way to fight the crippling summer heat too.

This farmer knows where of he speaks. When I first went underground at Magma Copper's Magma Mine where underground rock temperatures are extreme, all the miners brought bottles of a liquid call Agua del Gallo or drinking chili. It was made by boiling chills with onion, garlic, vinegar, sugar for about an hour and straining the liquid. You then put it in a mason jar and took it to work. It was then kept cold in the ice water can. A slug of that stuff would clean you sinuses, cause sweating, eye watering, and all the other evils of hot chili. It also worked better than salt tablets to fend off heat exhaustion.

These days my 60+ year old stomach can barely take a few prick kee nu (rat sh!t chillies) in my Thai food.

[trisham]

I like spicy food, but..

[kalee]

ping

[monkapotamus]

[MS.BEHAVIN]

Hot pepper PING!
Ms.B

[TheSpottedOwl]

Oh just great. Now we’ll have to try and grow those too...

[aruanan]

Let me tell you a funny story.

There was a researcher here at the University of Chicago who liked hot curries. He hired Indian post-docs because they got him hot curries from India. One post-doc gave him a packet of curry and told him how much of it to use. He warned the researcher not to use more than a certain amount. Well, the researcher went home and decided that if a little was good, a lot would be better so he put the whole pack into the curry he was preparing.

Sometime during the night he awoke in acute intestinal distress. He went to the bathroom to relieve himself and saw in the toilet the entire epithelial lining of his small intestine and a whole lot of blood. He was in the hospital for a while and finally he regrew his small intestine lining. I don't know, though, if his interest in hot curries was renewed.

This is not an urban legend. I know that researcher. And, no, I am not he.

[Professional Engineer]

ping

[Tainan]

Hot Chili pepper ping

[zoso82t]

I got to try this one, Da Bomb Ground Zero, about a month ago:

http://peppers.com/itemdetails.cfm?ID=1786

234,000 Scovilles. It felt like my brain was on fire!