IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC?

Actual University of Washington Chemistry Midterm Bonus Question ^ | Unknown | Unknown

[Hostage]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

[Hostage]

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[Keith in Iowa]

This has been around in various forms for years...and I still get a chuckle out of it. :)

[Jet Jaguar]

That’s pretty good!

[aft_lizard]

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

[Keith in Iowa]

Then there's the mathmatical proof that women are evil:

Ok ...ok

Everyone knows Women are Time and Money

Women = Time x Money

Everyone knows Time IS Money

Time = Money

Therefore:
Women = Money x Money (or money squared)

Everyone knows Money is the root of all evil

Money = Square root of all Evil = (all Evil)^0.5

Therefore:
Women = The square of the square root of {all evil}

Women = ((all Evil)^0.5)2

The square of the square root of anything is simply equal to itself....

Therefore Women = all Evil

Mathematical proof....

[Publius]

Many operas end like Tosca with the sudden descent of the hero to some nether realm. Don Giovanni, however, (as in Zeffirelli's production for Covent Garden), tends simply to disappear amid whirling clouds of stage smoke as the chorus of off-stage demons promise him worse torments below. In Vienna, however, Cesare Siepi ended his admirable interpretation standing on a stagelift which, as so often happens, stuck halfway down, leaving his head and shoulders visible to the audience but not the rest of him. The technicians' efforts merely revealed the operation of one of the great laws governing opera disasters -- that the most that can be hoped for is to restore the status quo ante -- that is, they merely brought him back up again. Siepi then amazed the public by refusing simply to walk off and with courageous professionalism challenged the lift operator to a second attempt. Of course exactly the same thing happened, and amid the shocked silence of the Staatsoper a single voice rang out -- it is said in Italian -- "Oh my God, how wonderful -- hell is full."
-- from Great Operatic Disasters, by Hugh Vickers

[lafroste]

Yep, this one has a different ending than the last time I read it. The last time the author and Teresa did not conjugate their relationship leading him to conclude that possibility 2 was incorrect, therefore it must be possibility 1.

[Hostage]

Actually I wouldn’t have given an A+ to this student because he failed to relate his conclusion to Gore’s Global Warming.

[Mr. Bird]

While a fun story, I think it’s been attributed to a gazillion students at various schools. Nothing like my friend’s Econ final on which he tried to fake his way through “coupon slippage”.

[angus 4man]

When I took thermo at Cornell back in the late 1970’s our Professor posed the question “Is hell adiabatic?.” (Adiabatic meaning there exists a temperature gradient within the bounds of hell.)

The story was that a bright engineering student determined that there must surely be plenty of engineers in hell and that if a thermal gradient did exist those engineers would have built a heat pump and cooled the place. As far as he knew, hell was still hot, therefore hell could not be adiabatic.

[Treeless Branch]

If we do not have a body after death, what is there to burn in hell?
If we do have a body in hell, won’t it burn up instantly and only once?
How many times is Jesus quoted about talking about hell fire?

[dayglored]

> Yep, this one has a different ending than the last time I read it. The last time the author and Teresa did not conjugate their relationship leading him to conclude that possibility 2 was incorrect, therefore it must be possibility 1.

That's the way I recall it, too.

Must be he convinced Teresa to take pity on all the souls not already in Hell and sleep with him to freeze Hell over and thus save them.

(Hmmmm, I gotta remember that line...)

[mad_as_he$$]

Urban legend.

[KillTime]

Here is my fav “college paper” that I see from time to time:

http://www.snopes.com/college/homework/writing.asp

[Radix]

The title of this thread is actually older than the material in it.

Fun stuff the first time around.

I didn’t read it all here, but at a glance, it looks different from the article I read a while back, which was beyond funny, and brilliant.

If a student received an A+ for this, plagiarism, then the grading Professor should be tarred and feathered, unless it was the original.

My memory is not good enough to be sure that this is the same material.

[Northern Yankee]

LOL...

Maybe all those libs in hell are causing the global warming.

[metmom]

ping

[SlapHappyPappy]

Except if women are time and money you get:

Women=time+money

not

Women=time*money

Now if we add that every minute spent with a woman costs us, we get

women=time*money.

[Sidebar Moderator]

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

This thread received a Chat.