The Official Friday Silliness Thread Celebrates October: Workplace Politics Awareness Month

McGrall-Hill.com (I'm telling you it's legit) ^ | 10-06-06 (06 Septembre 2006) | Sully777

[sully777]

HOT DANG--IT'S FRIDAY!!!

This thread is dedicated to your employers and co-workers. It's dedicated to the people you love and the people you hate. This thread is dedicated to all the office games and pranks. This thread is dedicated to the office flirts and the office tards. We salute the fond memory of the office snitch and the promoted kiss-@ss. We dedicate this thread to those that frequent the restroom and those caught in the janitor's closet. We even salute you, Guy That Wears Way Too Much Cologne

Here's To Office Politics: Rock On OFST!

---

[sully777]

IMO, one of the greatest musicians/guitarists in the world is Pepe Romero playing Fantasia and Bulerias

[sully777]

[sully777]

Holiday Office Party Do's and Don'ts by Randall S. Hansen, Ph.D. Going to the company office holiday party this year? You can take advantage of the office party to have some fun and advance your career or misbehave and cripple your career. Here are some basic rules to survive and thrive at any company-sponsored party. Do remember that although office parties are intended as social events to reward employees and raise morale, they remain strictly business events. Do act as though your behavior is being observed every minute (because it probably is). Don't pass up the invitation to an office party; not attending could hurt your reputation. And when you attend, do spend at least 30 minutes at the party for appearances. But don’t overstay your welcome by partying until the wee hours. Do conduct yourself professionally at all times. Don’t use the office party as an excuse to blow off steam. It’s still a company function, so proper etiquette and decorum matter. Don't bring the party lampshade, gag gifts for the boss, or any other crazy stuff you might do at a personal holiday party. Do enjoy yourself at the party. Employers spend the big bucks to reward their employees, so be sure to enjoy the only holiday gift you may be getting from the company. Don't pull the nightclub attire from your closet for the event -- and do ask whether the attire for the party is formal or casual. The party is still a business function, so conservative party clothes are a good choice. So, do remember to skip anything too revealing or too flashy. Keep your reputation for good taste intact. Do keep your hands to yourself. Don’t flirt, and do avoid any other inappropriate behavior. The office party is not the time to end your career with the company by doing something inappropriate or illegal. Don't spend all evening talking business. You’ll forever have the label as the office bore. Do keep all conversations positive and upbeat. Don’t spend the evening complaining, bragging, correcting, whining, or ridiculing. And do avoid controversial subjects (such as religion, politics, etc.) and off-color jokes. Don't monopolize conversations -- and, especially, don’t talk about yourself or your accomplishments all night. Do show interest in others. Do be gracious and thank coworkers and team members for all their help and hard work during the past year. And don’t even think about gossiping about others. Do keep one hand free during the night so that you can offer handshakes to people as they come by. And do keep your drink in your left hand, so you are not offering people a cold, wet handshake all evening. Don't feel you need to drink excessively just because it’s an open bar. And don’t pig-out at the food buffet either. Moderation is key. You can always eat and drink more after the party. Do take the time to network and schmooze with people at the party who can influence your career or who you may not see regularly, such as top management, people from other departments, and employees from other locations. A holiday party is a great event to begin building or strengthening business relationships, so do introduce yourself and build your network. Don't assume everyone celebrates the same holiday, so don’t go overboard with the “Merry Christmas.” Do be sure you know exactly who is invited to the party. Spouses or significant others are not always on the guest list for office parties. And if guests are permitted, don’t bring an inappropriate person as your guest. Don't forget to thank the person responsible for the planning and coordinating of the party. And do consider sending a thank-you note to top management for hosting the party. Do inquire about office policies on providing car or cab service for employees attending the holiday party. And do appoint a designated driver or do hire a cab yourself if the company is not willing to provide the rides home. Don’t drink and drive.

Now go out and have a good time.

[sully777]

Well, I'm getting some sleep, waking up in a few hours, and at quitting time I'm going on vacation. See you all next week.

[sully777]

[secret garden]

Present!

[Arrowhead1952]

[Izzy Dunne]

Help me - I'm lost.

Is this the Official Thursday Silliness Thread?

[The_Victor]

Security in our office is tighter than a thong on Rosie O'Donnell

[bert]

In the current issue of Forbes there is a short article on red light cameras in England.

During a recent police escorted funeral procession the light turned red. The procession continued through the red light and the cars on the intersecting street respectfully waited for it to pass.

The red light camera did no such thing. The robot camera ticketed the offenders. The court made them pay the tickets.

[bert]

If it's going to be another cat day....I'm leaving.

[fredhead]

FredHead present.

Would be fishing, but rain, gale warnings (high winds), heavy seas, low temps, etc. are keeping me ashore.

Get a three day weekend, and it comes with a nor'easter.

[fredhead]

He smells like this place... The Bog of Eternal Stench

[E Rocc]

Maintain Workplace Politics Awareneness: Log on to FR while at work. >:)

-Eric

[SquirrelKing]

Office politics? What's an "office"?

/Leftist

[RioSmith]

We need puns - more puns - and many more puns!

Thanks

[girlscout]

Just checking to see if you're working .............

[fredhead]

WORK:

A four letter word describing a form of intercourse.

[End Times Sentinel]

January 15, 1822

Performance Review:
Mike Fink, Keelboat Operator II

Mike:

Since you joined the Mountain Fur Company last year, we have had a number of discussions about your personal behavior. You have consistently denied any problems, pointing to your work record and to the number of scalps strung in your cabin. We at MFC are justifiably proud of your accomplishments, which is why you were voted "King of the River Rats" at last year's Employee Appreciation Day. However, you have made no progress in correcting your unprofessional conduct. This employee evaluation will serve as your final written warning. Please review the following areas in which you must show improvement to continue working with MFC:

Alligator wrestling. As an independent contractor, Mike, you had plenty of time to engage in horseplay. However, the MFC runs on a tight schedule. We're competing against steamboats now, Mike. We simply cannot afford the luxury of anchoring for an hour while you indulge your need to fight reptiles.

Gouging/Biting. At MFC, we pride ourselves on employee retention. Every time you get in an altercation and bite off a co-worker's ear or gouge out his eyes, you force us to hire and train a new employee. That hurts our image, it hurts our bottom line, and ultimately, Mike, it hurts you. Because we're paying your check.

Shooting. That goes double for shooting people. Also, I would like to remind you about the time we brought in Davy Crockett to give a motivational speech at our annual Passenger Pigeon Charity Shoot-Off. You were drunk on hooch and challenged him to a shooting contest. For the next two hours, you two shot everything in sight, and, frankly, you ruined an afternoon's fun for everyone else.

Bizarre remarks. Your constant assertion that you are "half horse and half alligator" was charming at first. After a few repetitions in your angry monotone, however, it quickly got creepy. Why do you think people constantly request transfers to new keelboats? It's because they aren't comfortable around you. Maybe if you occasionally tried to see things from the other person's point of view, you wouldn't need to fight so much. Or drink so much.

Bragging. MFC is a team, Mike. Every one of our employees has an important role to play in getting rum and cotton up and down the river. You simply cannot go around taking credit for everything that goes right and then gouge out someone's eyes every time something goes wrong. You need to own your mistakes and work with others to accomplish our goals.

Mike, I'm disappointed. Your reputation in the field was legendary when you came on board. You are a highly motivated and extremely dedicated worker, and I know that, with some effort, you could be a real asset to our organization.

I'm scheduling a follow-up meeting two weeks from now. I want to see the bragging toned down, I want to see a significant reduction in eye-gouging, and I do not want to see a single report that you've held up the boat to go wrestle an alligator, or a moose, or a Swede, or anything else, on the river or off it. You're a good river rat, Mike, but I'm afraid I'm going to hear, one fine day, that you've gone and got yourself shot or stabbed or bear-mauled. Let's work together to make sure that doesn't happen.

Maj. A. Henry
Sr. V.P.
Trans-Allegheny Division

Owl_Eagle

If what I just wrote made you sad or angry,
it was probably just a joke.

[Kate of Spice Island]

I am in early, but have a busy day scheduled. I hope to get caught up tonight.