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The Official Weekend Singles Thread—July 28-30
OhioWfan, Kate of Spice Island, Maximus Ridiculousness

Posted on 07/28/2006 5:00:29 PM PDT by Maximus_Ridiculousness

A perspective on marriage, looking for a marriage partner, and cyberdating. 

Presented to you by OhioWfan, Kate of Spice Island, and Maximus Ridiculousness.

OhioWfan's Perspective on Making Marriage Work:

My 'assignment' for this special weekend singles thread was to outline what I believe are the ingredients of a long-term successful, loving marriage.  Obviously, in the 'it takes two to tango' spirit, I engaged my adorable life-partner/incredible husband in the task, and together we compiled a list of recommendations and qualities that we believe have made our marriage work so well.   Neither of us is perfect (especially me........he's close!), but we went into marriage with commitment and thought as well as love, and after 30 years we are more passionately in love than ever before, and are each other's deepest and most trusted friend.
 
We have grouped our thoughts in two categories.......considerations before marriage, and goals as part of marriage.   There is nothing new nor revolutionary here, but we believe these things together have worked to make our marriage incredibly close, and a lot of fun. They are generally applicable, with some specific illustrative examples of our own relationship. 
 
I.    Important things to consider prior to marriage
II.    In Marriage

 

So............these are the things that we both believe have helped make our marriage strong.   The details may be different for others, but we believe the principles apply for every couple wanting to make their marriage really succeed.  Some people say a good marriage takes 'work,' but we both disagree.  We think that being married and trying to keep our marriage alive is great fun.  It's God's plan, and it's awesome to be right in the middle of it!

Kate and Phil's Story of Love and Marriage

Phil and I first met back in the teen years when I started working at a local drive-in movie theatre where he was employed. There was a "no dating coworkers" policy and we were both into following (some) rules and didn't want to get fired, so we were just friends instead.
 
Apparently, we were both interested in each other, but too shy/insecure/whatever...to say anything, but we became friends.
 
I remember going to his house and he to mine when we were still in high school, but he was older and went off to college. During a few of his weekend visits, we went on a few dates, but then I didn't see him again for a good four or five years.
 
By then I was married AND pregnant, but ran into Phil at work, so it was strange (for both of us apparently) in the wishful thinking at that time. From time to time, I would go by his work and say hi when we were in town. By the time my marriage was definitely over (but I still had hopes of it not being over) Phil had gotten married and although his marriage was heading for over...neither of us was willing to admit that we were

separated from our spouses and divorces were filed.

 
We each went about our lives and once he changed jobs, I had no clue where he was. (Prior to that, where I would visit was a place where I would also visit my bestest high school friend's father as he worked in another department.)
 
Meanwhile, he had been looking for and looking up former classmates and one in particular that I also happened to know. This mutual friend had lived away from where we are now and I had all but given up talking to him ever again, when on a whim I looked him up in the phone book (kind of a one last time deal, as I couldn't remember Phil's last name, I didn't look him up and even if I remembered, I probably could have never spelled it...)
 
So, lo and behold, our mutual friend was listed and had been for a few years and I gave him a call. Meanwhile, between classmates.com and a high school reunion, Phil and our mutual friend had been talking and e-mailing, and Phil asked him if he knew how to get in contact with me, and the friend gave Phil my e-mail address.
 
So, our real official long-term dating was cyber dating as Phil had moved to TX and I was in Phoenix. We went from the occasional e-mail to IM and phone calls and that evolved to a long distance romance.
 
I went to Texas and lived with Phil for a year, but knew my heart was with my children and family. Phil was adamant about staying in TX.
 
Every time Phil asked me to marry him, I asked if he would consider moving to Phoenix. He kept saying no, so I returned to Phoenix.
 
When I ran away to safety and Phil's care I knew he loved me and would take care of me. When he let me go and let me move back to Phoenix to be with my children, I knew he loved me enough to let me go and be where I belonged.
 
When he asked me if I would marry him if he moved to Phoenix, he got the answer I wanted to give him all along.
 
We have been married just over four months and are still working on getting into a life and a routine in Phoenix and still feel like we are trying to get settled in, but we have come a long way together and are looking forward to many years of happiness and joy with my children and grandchild(ren).
 
For how long we have been friends, and the things we liked about each other, are still there.

Getting used to habits has been hard (I am secretive in general and I also kept a few government secrets for a long time that I don't keep secret any more), but by nature I just have never been a "talker", so that is changing.

 
He likes reality TV, my reality is like the TV show, "Medium." We both like "24" and wouldn't want it any other way.
 
We both enjoy sports and look forward to the Cowboys VS Cardinals game later this fall.
 
We managed to attend the same three schools of higher education, just never were both at any one at the same time.
 
I think the biggest piece of advice we can offer the single crowd is don't put yourself above dating anyone with "baggage" as you have clearly got "emotional baggage" in the form of selfishness. I know that God didn't make selfishness, but He did make caring and compassion. A heart of gold is worth far more than a free lunch...
 
When a heart of gold is the heart within, you will find someone for you with that exact same quality.
 
Did I mention that Phil also is conservative and was busy advocating for Bush before we started to discuss politics? I just loved sending him links to caption Kerry two summers ago.

Barb's Two Cents on Being a Newlywed and Some Advice on Cyberdating

Ahhhh...the bliss of being newly married!  What joy!  The birds are singing.  The bees are buzzing.  The flowers are blooming...

Okay, for me our honeymoon was a little different from most.  Actually, our wedding was a little different from most.  You see, hubby and I eloped (with 40 of our closest friends and relatives) in Reno in 2003—four weeks before he was to deploy to Iraq.  We were already engaged, and had planned on a summer wedding, but one cold winter day, hubby got "the call", and three days later we found ourselves in Reno tying the knot.

Our honeymoon consisted of phone calls, emails, letters between here and Iraq—and lots of insomnia.  At first it was strange being married to a man who was suddenly 6500 miles away, and it was even stranger that I could talk to him only when he was able to call me (every two to three weeks or so).

And so it went.

Our "real" honeymoon came 18 months later.  We spent a week in Vegas (yeah, I know some folks find it a tacky place for a honeymoon, but hubby's never been, and I love the Luxor).  We gambled, saw some of the shows, gambled, ate at the various restaurants, gambled, walked the Fremont Street Experience, gambled, got SMASHED in Quark's Bar and harassed a poor Borg and Klingon at the Hilton where they have the Star Trek Experience (we almost got kicked out—but we snapped some hilarious photos), and we gambled some more.

All fun and games aside, our marriage (going on year four now) is a very solid one.  Hubby has a heart of gold, and I could not ask for a better man.  I would have to say that absence made our marriage grow stronger.  We still feel like newlyweds.  We are like “kids” with each other.  We are the two most happy-go-luckiest-people I know, on the planet. 

Some advice on cyberdating.

Back in the day, I was the Queen of Cyberdating.  I started meeting men online as far back as 1996.  Match.com was the ONLY online dating site (with something like, 200 local members).  It took a lot of chatting, meeting bozo after bozo, and dating horrible men who were nothing like their profiles before I realized I was doing everything wrong from the very beginning.  By the time I met my hubby in a Yahoo chatroom by total  accident (most of you know this story)  5 years later, I had finally learned some very big lessons. 

That said, here are some of my do’s and don’ts when it comes to cyberdating:

GIRLS:  Meet your potential future spouse in a very public place.  For your very first date, only meet for coffee or drinks where you can chat for as long or as short as you are comfortable with.  It’s easier to split the scene quickly if you are just sipping something, and not in the middle of dinner or stuck with a loser date in the middle of a 3-hour flick.  NEVER leave your drink unattended.  Before you use the restroom, finish your drink, or order a new drink once you’re back to your table.  By all means, drive yourself to your destination, DO NOT EVER let your date pick you up on your first date.  Tell a friend, family member, someone—anyone—where you will be and when you should be home.  Take your cell phone with you.  Park in a visible area.  It took me years and years of dating the same type of loser with a different name, and one failed marriage to a closet alcoholic, before I finally ‘grew-up’ and decided I would not settle for anything less anymore. Period.  I literally sat down and made a list of all the attributes I had to have in a man.  In fact, what had happened was I learned the very long and hard way about everything I did not want in a guy  through my own personal trial-and-error. (Mostly error.)  It was only after this personal epiphany that I met my true-love.  And it didn't take long.

 


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: cyberdating; friendship; marriage; singles; weekend
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To: rzeznikj at stout
Ya mean their grandmothers ahd them so protective of the private parts (virtue) that when they had a hip x-ray at three years old they were freaked out for life?

Or did their grandma tell them that the nuns would beat them if they misbehaved on the Staten Island ferry and they didn't even have a clue as to what a nun was and therefore feared this great unknown that would inflict unimaginable bodily harm if one so much as made a peep.

One can see why I was the "good" child, but screwed up in so many different ways...

481 posted on 07/30/2006 7:04:39 PM PDT by Kate of Spice Island (Modern day psychic, but first I was a US soldier)
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To: rzeznikj at stout

O'reilly would be too busy buying beer from the beer vendors!


482 posted on 07/30/2006 7:05:55 PM PDT by Kate of Spice Island (Modern day psychic, but first I was a US soldier)
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To: Kate of Spice Island

Perhaps. Though methinks he's not a beer guy. More like Dom...8^)


483 posted on 07/30/2006 7:08:49 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout (ASCII and ye shall receive... (Computers 3:14))
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To: ohioWfan
Hey, hold on a minute...

Where's this sex manual?

Does it give good suggestions for women achieving the "Big O?"

484 posted on 07/30/2006 7:11:14 PM PDT by Kate of Spice Island (Modern day psychic, but first I was a US soldier)
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To: ohioWfan

And my point is that it is only tangentially connected to sex...

There is a subtlety in simply reading the words and understanding the message. The Church teaches that it is primarily the allegory between Christ and His Church (albeit the fact it is still in the Hebrew canon).

On the rest of your post, I'm pretty much in agreement there. Though I cannot speak from experience (for rather obvious reasons...)


485 posted on 07/30/2006 7:11:52 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout (ASCII and ye shall receive... (Computers 3:14))
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To: snugs
How did the church discourage you from women seeing you at your best? I do not really follow this one.

The church seemed to emphasize getting to know the opposite sex through church-related group activities. I'm typically not good in group settings. I'm much better in one-on-one settings, but creating the situations where I can talk to a young lady one-to-one is difficult or impossible in church-sponsored or church-related activities.

My favorite example is the after-church greetings that we had every week. Before and after the service, I'd have about a dozen or so worthless, superficial conversations with young ladies. We'd say "hello." We'd ask how our weeks went. We'd ask about how classes are going. By that time, either she'd have to go somewhere or someone would interrupt us. Other guys have the personality that allows them to look good in those conversations. I need more time both to talk and to listen.

I wasn't going to get the time to have good conversations unless I made a strong effort in that area, but all of the teaching seemed to discourage that kind of effort. I just assumed that I should keep trying to get better at those worthless after-church conversations and hope that someday God would lead me to someone.

Bill

486 posted on 07/30/2006 7:14:20 PM PDT by WFTR (Liberty isn't for cowards)
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To: All
Well, I decided to check in here really quick and give an update on Pansy. The vet did give her a good report, she is down to 5 lbs, 4 ounces from her last weight of 5 lbs, 9 ounces, but I think she weighed a bit less several days ago. She is eating like a pig and I think she put a little more weight on, at least she feels that way. She is active but doesn't want to mingle too much. We seem to think it is because her sides are shaved because they had to use needles to drain the fluids from outside her lungs. Her fur on the side looks like something out of a Warner Brother's cartoon where a character gets shot and you see a big hole as they walk around. Boo was much the same way when his front legs were shaven, he looked like a poor excuse for a French poodle until his fur grew back in. B-D Her thyroid meds are upped a little too so perhaps until that kicks in fully, she will still be that aloof. She hopped into the shower with me and almost got showered with me. B-) She goes back in two weeks to get her thyroid values checked, August 13th, six days before she turns 19.

I'd stay around but I gotta go to bed, getting up a 4 AM and going to work early, it is closing for the month tomorrow, such is the accounting world. B-)
487 posted on 07/30/2006 7:23:33 PM PDT by Nowhere Man (Michael Savage for President - 2008!)
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To: WFTR
It does make sense but what I was alluding to is that women often need/want a deeper share all as part of normal life not the deep conversation that you are saying though at times of course these are necessary.

Women often need to feel that they are understand and that their man connects to them daily on an emotional level and if they feel any sort of barrier to this often think that their man is either putting up barriers or they have done wrong.

For example a woman might say I have had an awful day. If a man responds let me take your mind off lets go out for a meal/film etc she can see this as you do not want to listen to her and let her "share" her bad day. All she may want to do is talk about it for five or 10 minutes and you listen not actually give advice but just listen and end up agreeing with her conclusion. On the other hand I also appreciate that for a women to do that to a man could be disastrous as normally the last thing he wants to do is recount the day but do something to take his mind off it, eventually he might share it but very rarely immediately and certainly not on a daily basis.

Hope this is a little clearer as to what I was getting at.

488 posted on 07/30/2006 7:32:04 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: Kate of Spice Island

I thought they still did I know the Greek do and I thought also the Russian.


489 posted on 07/30/2006 7:36:22 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: rzeznikj at stout

You can't beat the old fashioned British banger with mash and onion gravy :0)

Not into corned beef myself the only time I enjoyed it was at school with salad.


490 posted on 07/30/2006 7:37:29 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: WFTR
Yes I understand where you are coming from on this. From my recollection what used to happen would be couples would pair off often in groups of 2 couples especially on youth club outdoor activities such as walks or visits to other areas. Also a lot of them mixed socially outside of church activities often with another friend or friends sort of acting as a chaperon so that the leaders of the a church would not get on their backs for being alone in house together.

I can remember going round to homes where one of them were part of a couple who were dating with others for meals or just a social evening. Maybe for whatever reason if this was going on you did not get invited because this would be the opportunity if you so wished to get to know someone on a more individual basis as you could go into the garden or another room and just chat without any "official" church person being there. From this often a more one to one situation would be possible.
491 posted on 07/30/2006 7:51:26 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: Nowhere Man

Great news on Pansy keep us updated on next check up.


492 posted on 07/30/2006 7:52:10 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: All

Time I turned in - see you all next week - I am the joint host.


493 posted on 07/30/2006 7:53:01 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: snugs

Hey--we here in the Badger State enjoy our sausages on the grill, put into a bun, eaten (with items such as noodle or potato salad, chips, condiments, etc.), and washed down with a bottle of Wisconsin beer...8^)


494 posted on 07/30/2006 7:55:15 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout (ASCII and ye shall receive... (Computers 3:14))
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To: rzeznikj at stout; Kate of Spice Island
Actually, some of the suggestions are pretty explicit..........and according to some, the original language is even more so.

However, not being an expert in OT theology, I'm not prepared to argue the details.

I find it interesting that the Scripture can be so unafraid of the subject of sex, while many in the Church are scared to death of it.

Perhaps if Christians were more open about the wonders of married sex as God intended it to be, the enticement of the world's sordid version of it wouldn't be so appealing.

btw, I don't at all disagree with it's allegorical meaning. After all, we Protestants weren't around for the first 1,500 years to interpret things........we pretty much have to depend on you guys. :)

495 posted on 07/30/2006 7:59:18 PM PDT by ohioWfan (PROUD Mom of an Iraqi Liberation VET! THANKS, son!!!!)
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To: rzeznikj at stout

Sausage and chips (fries) are Ok but best with mash.

Our sausages are similar to regular size Brats and we either fry them in a frying pan or grill them (we say grill you say broiler). We do also BBQ them and serve them like you do but bangers and mash is an old fashioned staple English meal.

What is noodle salad that sounds intersting?

Now I really am going to bed - night all


496 posted on 07/30/2006 8:01:47 PM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - BIG TIME))
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To: MotleyGirl70
Just saw your post. No we're not counselors anywhere. We were just asked (by Dolly) to give our experiences and opinions about a successful marriage for this thread........that's it.

As for the question. That's what we meant. We're countering the idea that it IS too late at 42. That means we think it's NOT too late. :)

497 posted on 07/30/2006 8:12:35 PM PDT by ohioWfan (PROUD Mom of an Iraqi Liberation VET! THANKS, son!!!!)
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To: snugs

That's one way to do it, but the preferred way is to grill them...

Noodle salad is simply noodles and various other ingredients mixed together with a special dressing. Most often, they come in kits that one buys at the supermarket.

They come in various flavors--such as Italian (contains olives, tiny pieces of pepper, and oftentimes simple Italian dressing) and Ranch & Bacon (contains thin narrow slices of carrots, peas, bacon bits, and ranch-flavored sauce)...


498 posted on 07/30/2006 8:36:25 PM PDT by rzeznikj at stout (ASCII and ye shall receive... (Computers 3:14))
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To: pcottraux

Thanks for the ping, Phil. I just got in from work. Just a few more days left. My replacement is coming in for a little while tomorrow for orientation. Should be a busy Monday.

How are you?


499 posted on 07/30/2006 8:36:26 PM PDT by iluvgeorgie (All great men are hated.)
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To: iluvgeorgie

She made it!

I'm doing fine. Just getting ready to sit down, relax, and enjoy a night on FR.

So you're leaving in a few days? Sounds like you're going through the "furious finish." I know that can be rough. But hey, it'll be over soon.


500 posted on 07/30/2006 9:11:54 PM PDT by pcottraux (It's pronounced "P. Coe-troe.")
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