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Posted on 07/21/2006 12:04:46 AM PDT by sully777
One day in The Old West...
A scruffy old dog limps into the tavern, drags himself to the middle of the room, throws his hat on the floor, pulls his duster back to one side, whips out a pistol and fires several shots into the air.
Of course, everyone stops and looks at the dog.
In the meanest voice possible, the dog growls,
"I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw"
Is he/she wired for sound all the time?
America is great ain't it? Nowhere else will you find so much variety from one frickin restaurant.... ;)
really tho, their multi-brands idea was ingenious. Now they are trying to convince consumers that it's okay to head to Taco Hell for a fourth meal of the day, all for increased sales.... oh well, puts food on my table...
yeah... but admit it... you laughed...
A local monastery was going bankrupt. The abbot didn't know what to do. The brothers had a meeting, and decided to open a great Olde English Fish-N'-Chips stand. One day, a man knocked on the door. After one of the brothers answered the door, the man asked, "May I have just an order of fries?"
The brother said, "Hold on a moment. I'm the fish friar. You want the chip monk."
After these groaners you might scream for Noah more
What did Noah say as he was loading the Ark? "Now I herd everything
"Why did the people on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? They kept saying neigh
What animal could Noah not trust? The cheetah
Why couldn't they play cards on the ark? Noah was sitting on the deck
Who was the first canning factory run by? Noah-he had a boat full of preserved pairs
Was Noah the first one out of the Ark? No, he came fourth out of the ark
Which animal took the most baggage into the arc? What animal took the least?The elephant took his trunk.But the fox and the rooster took only a brush and comb between them,
Why weren't there any worms on the arc? Because worms come in apples not in pairs.
Where did Noah keep the bees?In the ark hives.
Where was Noah when the lights went out? In d'ark.
Why couldn't Noah catch many fish? He only had two worms.
What did the cat say when the ark landed? Is that Ararat?
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Many years ago a friend of mine called Joe worked in the coal mines. He would go to work early in the morning, go down the mine to the coal face and do his eight hour stint, then come back to the surface to get ready to come home. He followed this daily routine faithfully for years on end, down the mine in the morning and up at the end of his shift. Down then up, down then up. One day whilst he was at the coal face he swung his pick ax and the point went deep into a rock. He eventually managed to remove the pick ax from the rock, and as he did so he was engulfed in a deluge of water. He was absolutely drenched by the water, and his work mates remarked that he looked about 10 years younger since the water had covered him. They all tried to get soaked, and those that managed did indeed look 10 years younger. He, and those of his friends who had managed to get covered by the water, were thankful but they couldn't stop wondering why they had only been made to look 10 years younger. Why hadn't they been made to look 20 or 25 years younger than they really were?
It must be obvious that it was only a miner miracle
I saw a story on the news this morning about a store that mistakenly set their gas pumps to 32 cents a gallon instead of $3.13. They said that people got on their cell phones and their was a line backed up for gas, and that it took about two hours before the station caught on and fixed the screw up.
Why couldn't that happen when I need to fill up my boat?
Yeah, but calling it Fourthmeal?? I was in the Navy, and it's called Midrats (for midnight rations).
Nowadays victim advocates have to sell that middle class America is most affected by whatever bad behavior.
LOL
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