The Hobbit Hole XXX - Then world behind and home ahead...

http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net/ ^

[HairOfTheDog]

Welcome to The Hobbit Hole!

Then world behind and home ahead

• First thread: New Zealander builds Hobbit hole
• Second thread: The New Hobbit Hole
• Third thread: The Hobbit Hole III - Journey to the Cross-roads! (Congratulations, we filled it up!)
• Fourth Thread: The Hobbit Hole IV - The Road Goes Ever On...
• Fifth Thread: The Hobbit Hole V - Where Many Paths and Errands Meet...
• Sixth Thread: The Hobbit Hole VI - And Whither Then? I Cannot Say...
• Seventh Thread: The Hobbit Hole VII - But not yet weary are our feet...
• Eighth Thread: The Hobbit Hole VIII - Still round the corner we may meet...
• Ninth Thread: The Hobbit Hole IX - A sudden tree or standing stone
• Tenth Thread: The Hobbit Hole X - That none have seen but we alone.
      Eleventh Thread: Wedding Edition: The Hobbit Hole XI - No One Admitted Except on Wedding Business!
• Twelfth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XII - Tree and flower and leaf and grass
• Thirteenth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XIII - Let them pass! Let them pass!
• Fourteenth thread: The Hobbit Hole XIV - Hill and Water Under Sky
• Fifteenth thread: The Hobbit Hole XV - Pass them by! Pass them by!
• Sixteenth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XVI - Still round the corner there may wait...
• Seventeenth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XVII - A new road or a secret gate...
• Eighteenth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XVIII - Though we pass them by today...
• Nineteenth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XIX - Tomorrow we may come this way...
• Twentieth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XX - And take the hidden paths that run...
• Twenty-first Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXI - ...Towards the Moon or to the Sun.
• Twenty-second Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXII - ...Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe
• Twenty-third Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXIII - Let them go! Let them go!
• Twenty-Fourth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXIV - Sand and Stone and Pool and Dell...
• Twenty-Fifth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXV - Fare you well! Fare you well!
• Twenty-Sixth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXVI - Home is behind, the world ahead
• Twenty-Seventh Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXVII - And there are many paths to tread
• Twenty-Eighth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXVIII - Through shadows to the edge of night
• Twenty-Nineth Thread: The Hobbit Hole XXIX - Until the stars are all alight

New verse:

Upon the hearth the fire is red, Beneath the roof there is a bed; But not yet weary are our feet, Still round the corner we may meet A sudden tree or standing stone That none have seen but we alone. Tree and flower and leaf and grass, Let them pass! Let them pass! Hill and water under sky, Pass them by! Pass them by!

Still round the corner there may wait A new road or a secret gate, And though we pass them by today, Tomorrow we may come this way And take the hidden paths that run Towards the Moon or to the Sun. Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe, Let them go! Let them go! Sand and stone and pool and dell, Fare you well! Fare you well!

Home is behind, the world ahead, And there are many paths to tread Through shadows to the edge of night, Until the stars are all alight. Then world behind and home ahead, We’ll wander back to home and bed. Mist and twilight, cloud and shade, Away shall fade! Away shall fade! Fire and lamp, and meat and bread, And then to bed! And then to bed!

See also: http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net

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Regulars and lurkers welcome, and please see and bump the thread about our ongoing troop support projects (and of course donate, if you will)

[Corin Stormhands]

Someone's been in Farmer Maggot's keywords again...

[Corin Stormhands]

In other news, just chatting with the Mrs. on her way back from Northern Virginia. After having a chance to be away a couple of days and think things over, she's convinced Nana's problem is (perhaps the early stages of) dementia.

Wife just had a long conversation with Nana about something she accused Sister Mary Hamburner of doing. Wife said "Mom, you told me about this three weeks ago when YOU did it."

Whether or not that's the case, the immediate need is that we can no longer leave her alone with Luke. At least not for the whole day. Fortunately for next week anyway, Jr. isn't working since the waterpark is closed except for weekends after Sunday.

So, there's that.

[HairOfTheDog]

Oh dear... dementia or attention seeking? Some of both?

[Corin Stormhands]

Probably some of both. But you know...things like putting the foil in the microwave, etc.

What she accused sister of doing was putting Oil of Olay soap in her lotion bottle. She did this several weeks ago when wife took her to Walmart. Nana picked up the wrong thing and put it in the bottle she uses for lotion. She put it under her bed and forgot about it, because heaven forbid you don't throw anything out.

So, when wife calls she's crying because she's been using it as lotion and her hands were chapped. She accused sister of doing it on purpose. Wife's comment to me was that sister isn't smart enough to be that diabolical.

But I'm not sure what we can expect when she sits around watching those TV preachers all day. That would turn anyone's brain to mush.

She also accused sister of killing her plants. But the fact is they only need watering. And she wasn't able to do that over the last weekend. I didn't think about it (I didn't even water the plants outside) and wife is known to kill plastic plants.

I think the first thing we have to determine is if she's a danger to herself while she's alone.

Then we'll go from there.

[HairOfTheDog]

So, when wife calls she's crying because she's been using it as lotion and her hands were chapped. She accused sister of doing it on purpose. Wife's comment to me was that sister isn't smart enough to be that diabolical.

Ah yes, the 'hand-chapping conspiracy'. That, with the accusation that someone is killing the plants, is rather paranoid. I've wondered if the complaints of pain and problems aren't attention seeking. Is she just rather insecure with her place and station in life, fearful? Does she have a reason to be?

[Corin Stormhands]

Is she just rather insecure with her place and station in life, fearful? Does she have a reason to be?

I dunno. When the nurse at the ER asked her if she was safe at home she was just gushing with praise for us. She has everything she needs physically at least.

Still, I'm sure that she deals with the fact that Papa is gone and she's in her last or next-to-last stop on the way.

And, I'm fairly certain she thinks we don't respond quickly enough when she needs/wants something.

She certainly sees how busy we are. Yeah, the house is a wreck and we're always behind getting stuff done. Still she tells people that I'm the "hardest working man she knows," which really only means she doesn't know very many men.

It's tricky because she seems intent on pissing off Sister MBH. But the reality is that as annoying as Sister can be, she's the only one of the other four siblings that will lift a finger. She's the only one we can count on to stay with Nana and Luke when we have to travel. We can't afford to lose her. But I don't blame her for not wanting to stay with Nana.

[Corin Stormhands]

She was convinced for ~years~ that her naybers were killing her outdoor plants and that they'd stand outside her window and smoke because they knew she was allergic to cigarette smoke.

[HairOfTheDog]

No easy answers... Wish there were.

[HairOfTheDog]

~snort~ So the paranoia isn't really ~new~

[Corin Stormhands]

Yeah, the paranoia has been there. Papa never denied what "they" were doing. But he also never confirmed it.

And yeah, there are no easy answers.

[JenB]

I try really hard to be considerate of others, you know... really, I do.

[LSAggie]

You might want to talk to her physician about your concerns. They have new drugs now that are suppose to help those with beginning dementia.

Or you could try a more holistic approach, if you're interested. I just started Gypsy and I on this yesterday. What they're saying makes sense. I'll let you know in a couple of weeks if it works.

[Corin Stormhands]

Yeah, we'll talk to the doctor. This is a pretty new "theory." But we've been trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

(couldn't get your link to work)

[TalonDJ]

I do too. It helps if I calibrate my mind control ray first...

[TalonDJ]

Beginning Dementia... I have been meaning to take that. But isn't Advanced Paranoia (PS439) a prerequisite? I am not sure I could test out of that.

[HairOfTheDog]

I think it's presumptuous rattle off a bunch of advice, because that's probably not what you want, you just prolly want to vent... And we don't know any of the players personally as well as we do you. Still, I'll ramble off some ideas....

I'd like to think if you did ~something~ to/for Nana.... had the right talk, gave her some peace of mind and encourage a purpose in life, she'd do better.

From what I can see from here, she's lost her husband, she's rattling around in a house she may or may not feel very welcome in, she doesn't have much to do, she wants attention, and complaints, real and imagined, get her some attention, but she may fear if she's too much trouble any day now you may decide to ship her off to a convalescent home. How aware is she of this inner debate about how long she can stay there or whether she can be trusted alone? It's a rather unsettling position to be in, for her.

So while I would hope we'd always have the ability and interest to take care of our own parents, part of me wonders if one of the adult retirement homes (not a nursing home, assisted living) might actually ~be~ better than being there. She'd have peers, activities, people to visit with, and she wouldn't be needy and dependent all the time. I only say this because I saw that the place my grandma moved to, when she no longer felt comfortable alone at the beach house, was so social. They're expensive though. And that can't be ignored.

[Corin Stormhands]

Yeah, I know I've whine a lot about her being with us. But I'm resigned to the fact that we committed to take care of her. However, that doesn't mean it has to be in our house.

When she was recovering from the hip surgery the second time, she really liked the place where she was. But that was rehab and she knew it was temporary.

Assisted living is out just because of the expense. She only has her SS check and we certainly can't supplement the difference. And there's no help coming from siblings.

I don't know how much she "knows" about the conversations we're having. We've certainly told her the sisters have no business suggesting a nursing home. And she knows we've been depending on her to help with Luke.

Maybe she thinks we take her for granted. But that's a two way street.

And she knows we've rebuilt significant portions of our house to accommodate her. The chair lift, the upstairs bathroom (that the boys refuse to use because the toilet is elevated), the back steps. etc.

So, there's that.

[LSAggie]

Well, dang. It works when I preview it, and then disappears when I try to go back. Let me try again. Nutritional Supplement for the Brain and More

[HairOfTheDog]

Understood. Maybe then, if there really aren't other choices, stop pretending there are, with this 'don't know how long we can...' kind of talk, and focus more on 'how are we going to...'. Put her at ease that she's not going to be shipped off. The advantage I saw in one of those assisted living places was at least she'd feel like she was in a place that was hers, and she wasn't unwelcome. She's been kindof an extended visitor with no ownership of anything... unless my guess on that is off base. Maybe she's still the mom and in charge, but I have a feeling the roles have reversed.

[Corin Stormhands]

Looks interesting. Let us know if it works.