Posted on 06/10/2005 6:01:56 AM PDT by Fierce Allegiance
TheBigB has given me the go-ahead to put up this weeks OFST. Thanks, B! Hurry back!
Last week we had some rough spots, so R-Q-TEK86 had the following ground-rules suggestion for this weeks thread:
By entering this silly thread, I promise to…
Honor the spirit of silliness. Eat Spam, eggs, Spam, Spam and Spam. Not ask to see any of Jersey Republican Biker Chick’s body parts. Stand on my desk, flap my arms and make sounds like a chicken. Spew milk through my nose at something ArGee posts. Make at least one blonde joke. Post a joke that makes people groan. Ponder the question “Is ‘Civil Engineer’ an oxymoron?” Try to solve the mystery of who ctlpdad really is. Make a reference to AYBABTU. Disavow everything that Howard Dean stands for. Post a “Pearls Before Swine” cartoon (Dog Gone only). Make the guy in the next cubicle wonder what’s so funny. Post a picture of my favorite refreshing beverage. Quack like the Aflac duck. Not post gratuitous cheesecake or beefcake pictures. Tell JimWforBush a joke about engineers. Make a pun. Use “series” instead of “serious” and “hugh” instead of “huge”. Ask r-q-tek86 if all architects are gay. Stand facing the back of the elevator on the way back from lunch. Post a picture that made me snort the first time I saw it. Do a silly walk. Make an obscure reference to “Young Frankenstein”. Ignore this thread.
One day Superman is flying over metropolis and he sees Wonderwoman sunbathing completely naked on the roof of a building. She is kind of writhing around a little, and Superman becomes pretty horny. He says to himself "Wait a minute, I'm Superman, I am faster than a speeding bullet. All I have to do is fly down there have sex with Wonderwoman and fly away before she even knows what happened." So he flies down, has sex, and flies away - all in an instance. Wonderwoman sits up and says "What the hell was that?" The Invisible Man says to her "I don't know, but my ass sure does hurt"
LOL I haven't heard that one in years...still cracks me up.
Stick your hand out flat in front of you, palm toward the floor. Now have just your middle finger point toward the ground.
What is it? Superman flying over a nudist colony.
HEY! I am not a democRAT!!!!
SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG CLOWN
* By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.
* Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.
* Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"
* References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.
* Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.
* Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.
* Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.
* Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.
* Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."
* Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
* Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
* More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than into his pants.
* Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act consists of showing charts and complaining about the deficit.
* A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.
* Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."
* Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen King..."
* Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world.
* All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.
Hillarious!!!!!
SHHHHHH!
The Perotistas are still lurking.
* All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated."
I guess the clown does bachelor and bachelorette parties!
Yup, (just re-read), why, what's up.
The cheese/moose/sister, UFO's, pets/animals and weird stuff just seemed so appropriate.
A few bumper stickers...
Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
Honk! If you want to see my finger
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let her sleep
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