I need help with marriage troubles (vanity)

[kerouacbal]

I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.

[af_vet_1981]

If I dind't love them I would of left by now and would not be looking for help

Do not leave.

Your wife will either grow up or leave.

You work on your own problems independent on whether she does or not.

[alisasny]

Our son was born 11 months after we married. Our entire first years were difficult and stressful. We did not spend much time together as a married couple before it was 24/7 baby. We also did not live together until wedding day. Since I dont work I take care of most anything and that includes garbage. My husband does whatever I ask of him but for the most part I take care of kids (2)and home for him so he can come home from work happy and comfortable. He grew up in a home with only a brother and his mom did everything for them. You each have to sit down and write out good points...

Sure I get resentful sometimes... but I wouldn't trade my job for anything....I try to thank him daily for being successful so I do NOT have to work. Its a great trade.

[NRA1995]

And *I* get complaints for posting DU threads in news/activism....chuckling

[kerouacbal]

Your wrong. Yes I knew there are people like you on this site that would smell blood and attack. Just read the replies for yourself. I also knew that there are caring people here that will try to help. One thing I got from the responses is to have myself checked for ADD.

[I'm ALL Right!]

Based on your very short summary, here are my thoughts:

1. Seek a counsellor today, and get your wife involved in the process.

2. Make a list of your responsibilities and be a slave to it, if that's your big downfall

3. Most importantly, pray with your wife about your marriage. It will bind your hearts together in your effort to improve your marriage, and let God work in a bigger way. You said you cannot seem to do it...You can do all things through Christ. It's a promise.

[Lazamataz]

There are (literaly) 100's of single women out there who will treat you with respect

.... and it's my goal to marry each and every one of them.

[lindor]

now my sick wife has to go outside in 20 degree weather to put the garbage out so the garage doesn't smell of my son's diapers all week.

Now it sounds as if you're putting us on. If so, your wife should take you out with the dirty diapers.

[Al Gator]

didn't one of the experienced riders who was on "biker build off" just kill himself doing that same thing?

I think you're right, I don't quite remember the story.

You hit the nail straight. These knuckleheads are stupid and selfish. I've seen them terrorize an entire freeway. And their buffoon buddies followed them in a cage filming the whole thing.

Wanted to pull them over and give them the beatin their daddies should have. Then they come crying to me that the pols take away their "rights". If you're that stupid, you got no rights.

[Rebelbase]

"She can't depend on me for anything."

I think you've been convinced by her that is the truth, which I say is BS.

You hold down a job and unless you are a spendthrift, you pay rent and bills.

If all the bitching is because she perceives an inequality in the way household chores are distributed then you can work on that. She needs to understand that you mowing the yard, car maintenance, errands for her, etc. ALL are considered chores, so you get a + in that column.

If she's bitching about clothes on the floor, helping unload the dishwather, folding towels, and bathing the baby, etc. then you can adust and help out there.

BTW, You're helping with chores doesn't give her a pass to sit on her ass all night because she stayed at home all day with the kid while you worked.

Is she a stay at home mother? If she is and is browbeating you over piddly chores after you've earned money all day, there is a serious problem on her end, IMO.

[NRA1995]

To-do lists are our friends......

[frog_jerk_2004]

2. Make a list of your responsibilities and be a slave to it, if that's your big downfall

Ping!

[BizzeeMom]

That's the first thing that came to my mind, especially since she "won't go" to counselling.

I've been divorced. When one person starts nitpicking and then won't seek counselling or help to save the relationship, it's a good bet they just plain want out.

[Lazamataz]

Somebody needs to smack you really good across the face and pull the plug on your internet and your Playstation 2. Grow up and get a life you selfish little @$$hole. Whiney little boy, no wonder she's miserable...

Stop mollycoddling him. Stop pulling punches and softening the blow. He needs to hear the harsh truth.

[speed_addiction]

I also have a 44-year-old son who is going on 12. He was lucky enough to find a kindred spirit, but is not yet married, supports himself, motorcycles is his life. As long as his partner can deal with it, it "works". Unfortunately, when children are in the picture, things enter a whole different universe.

I was not going to get into it, but my divorce came about when my ex-wife and her lover tried to kill me. My house got shot up and someone wound up shot in the chest and neck. She had been screwing this guy for a year, decided I had to go. I do get a bit of satisfaction now, knowing she is getting treated like sh!t and being beat on a constant basis. She has called me twice begging for a second chance. I loved her with an intensity that has never really diminished, but sometimes LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!

[valkyrieanne]

Good advice about getting screened for attention-deficit disorder (and perhaps other related developmental problems.) That was my first thought too.

[Kennesaw]

"and now, she's found her real Mr. Right and is looking for a way out... and if she picks at all of his inadequacies, maybe she can convince herself, him and the world that its all his fault. "

WOW! This is close to home!

[asgardshill]

I have to admit that I love these kind of threads however. I think of them as FreeRepublic Rorschach Tests.

I think of these threads more as throwing chum into shark-infested waters. Yes, the entertainment value is high unless you're the one in the water when the skipper throws the chum bucket overboard.

[King Black Robe]

"She knows she's not perfect either." LOL!

I'm serious. I know one marriage in shambles because the husband doesn't respect his wife anymore. Why doesn't he respect her? Because she's a pushover. He gripes about all those little chore things constantly. The more he gripes the harder she tries. Nothing is EVER good enough. My point was that no one loves or respects a pushover who will let them get by with anything. Backbone is essential. He needs to stay reasonable and admit his error, but he shouldn't slip into being a whipping boy. She doesn't want another child; she wants a partner.

[processing please hold]

Geez, you sound very self centered. Your last post says a lot about you.

Are you setting yourself up for a divorce subconsciously, and then rationalize in you head that it is she who wants the divorce? Making you the injured party.

[camle]

my big worry is that one of them lunatic will try a rolling wheelie in front of me, lose it, total the bike and himself (in a brilliantly colored demise) - AND scratch the paint on my car.

if someone wants to kill themselves, or wants the world to see the hollow space between his ears, that's fine with me - just don't involve others.