The Babylon Bee will have walz in competition with john kerry for spurious awards.
Posted on 09/05/2024 9:33:06 AM PDT by DFG
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Democrat Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Walz has just added another distinguished award to his already impressive military resume. According to sources, the battle-hardened veteran awarded himself a Purple Heart after his motorcade was involved in a fender bender yesterday.
While sources say that the incident was "relatively minor," as Walz had accidentally bumped into a parked car, the Minnesota governor decided it was a good enough opportunity for him to spiff up his military career just a little more.
"I, Tim Walz, for my outstanding bravery and courage in the face of suffering slight back pain as a result of rear-ending another person's parked car, do hereby award myself the Purple Medal for Distinguished Valor or something," Walz reportedly intoned, gazing balefully at the damage with his best grizzly veteran's face. "In recognition of my service, I would like to offer myself my sincerest congratulations and best wishes. Science bless America. Communism is the answer. Thank you all."
The move has sparked immense pushback from military servicemembers and families, who protest that Walz's action "cheapens the priceless sacrifices that our soldiers have made by stealing valor for political ends."
However, CNN has bravely refuted these deluded souls by publishing a fact check which states that Walz is, in fact, allowed to wear a heart which is purple if he so desires, especially in the light of his brave service in guarding the rear of his comrades in Iraq by staying in Italy himself.
At publishing time, Tim Walz had also awarded himself a Combat Medical Badge after administering a bandaid to himself after receiving a papercut.
LOL
Gosh I love the BEE.....
“I’m an astronaut, and I own this bar”
Timmy, otherwise known as Nebraska Fats, never misses a chance to self promote. The Bee has him down!
LOL———
At publishing time, Walz awarded himself a “Combat Medical Badge” for courageously
administering a band-aid to himself after receiving a papercut on a campaign speech.
Some years ago, & I believe it was on these pages, there was shown a medal that was given “in honor of courageous restraint” & it was a golden chicken. Does anyone remember this?
LOL!! Did he get John F-ing Kerry to write the recommendation from the after-action report?
ah, it’s good to laugh out loud. it happens so rarely. thank you and thanks to the BB.
A true hero. He almost carried a gun when he was almost sent to Iraq. Now he’s a VP candidate whose running mate is a woman who is almost black.
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