Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[Syncro]

there are often people under 21 who lurk, read and post, so we try to keep the content clean and user-friendly.

Well that is the way I always post.

You isn't infer ring that I....???? Naw...but I grant you, Politics is dirty and user beware!

[fanfan]

Wow are you strict. So the rule is that when I post on this thread, I must ... uh ... talk about clouds? Or what?

LOL! Not just clouds! They should be clouds filled with star dust, and fairies.

I agree that our monthly thread should have "undead" posted after the title for the month we are on it. I thought we asked once, and admin said it would be too much trouble?

[Monkey Face]

Ummm...
Sorry, but my ancient computer locked up, perhaps because of the conversation content.

HOWEVER!!!

All you have to do is tell me and I can ping you to the UNDEAD THREAD!

We’ve been flying under the RADAR for a long time because we my have *ahem* “things” onboard the Flying Castle that not Everyone need know about.

[glock rocks]

we my have *ahem* “things” onboard the Flying Castle that not Everyone need know about.

Mum's the word.

[Arthur Wildfire! March]

Well, if I saw *undead*, I’d just assume it was a bunch of guys interested in weird news or whatever. Wouldn’t mean much. So weird news isn’t allowed here either? Or dinosaurs?

[fanfan]

Zombie is the word.

;-)

In the lower levels.
I’ve never been there myself.

[Darksheare]

Now now ladies, don’t torment the new Undead Thread denizens too badly.
If we scare them off, then we’re doing a poor job of selling the Undead Thread as a friendly place.
[creatures in the basement notwithstanding.]

[fanfan]

Well, if I saw *undead*, I’d just assume it was a bunch of guys interested in weird news or whatever. Wouldn’t mean much. So weird news isn’t allowed here either? Or dinosaurs?

Weird is one of the best parts! That, and eccentric!

[Arthur Wildfire! March]

Oh, I am most definitely a troll from under the bridge. But you’ve been spared. [Creeping away.]

[ThomasThomas]

I am not sure if I have been to the lower levels, how do you witch are the lower levels and the uppers level. The time continuum is an other issue but I don’t have time to discuss now.

[ColdOne]

;0])

[Monkey Face]

Dinosaurs?

We have a “Nessie” in the moat. To exclude dinosaurs would be an insult to her and her offspring.

We like wierd news. Especially since most of us a wierd...

[Arthur Wildfire! March]

Weird ...? Ah OK.

UN Worker Jailed for Showing the Finger
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2627608/posts

Clouds: The Wild Card of Climate Change [aka ‘hot clouds’]
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2622179/posts
“Some types of clouds help cool the Earth and some types of clouds help warm it.” [I hate being under those hot clouds. So much worse than direct sunlight. /sarc.]

UK teacher banned for life ‘for being useless’...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1322989/The-teacher-banned-life-useless.html

Crocodile Blamed for Congo Air Crash
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2612237/posts

Woman Drove Around With Corpse For Nearly a Year COSTA MESA,CALIFORNIA
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2612798/posts

[OK ... crawling back in hole]

[Darksheare]

LOL, there is no escape from the Undead Thread.
Unfortunately.
That’s why we’re all here.
Might as well pull up a chair and add to the ambience.

[sionnsar]

Otherwise, we may have to suggest you take a tour of the Lower Levels without a Guide or a Map.

Oooof! 'Face, I didn't know you could be so mean!!! It must be those cold clouds scurrying over Vegas, right? *\;^)

OTOH, Arthur's quite welcome to join me for some "Poblachd Saorsa," (in English, "Free Republic") the best whisky straight from The Official Distillery of the Undead Thread^TM, anyone?

It's in the distillery down there...

[Monkey Face]

Ah! Sion! Maybe you could take Arthur aside and ‘splain to him about the UT. Or not.

I’ve been trying, but the day is ugly and CFIDS is taking its toll. I’m off for the night.

Hugs to you and the sionsareens.

[sionnsar]

Triceratops ‘Never Existed’ — Three-horned fossils are actually juvenile torosauruses

I am shattered... you mean, Disney got that fight wrong?

[sionnsar]

Oh, and if the world is about to end as we know it a year from now, can I let you know?

Are you offering to inform us if we know a year from now that the world is about to end? Sure... and NnBob might have a time machine to give us more certainty. Wait for the world to end (just to be sure), throw a switch or press a stud, and we're duly advised.

[sionnsar]

Sorry to reign on your parade. Crown me.

I'm sure Darksheare can find you a good dentist. But you might want to keep a wary eye on him.

[sionnsar]

They should be clouds filled with star dust, and fairies.

I'm sure we could get Seattle to provide some of the latter...

...but the ferries are owned by the state.