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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-08 (DUmmies Incapable Of Bargain Shopping For Food)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2008 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2008 7:06:40 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

How many times have you been at the supermarket and seen some outrageously HIGH price for some produce? I see this all the time so am I somehow forced to buy it? Of course not. In fact, it is VERY EASY to bargain shop for produce. Possibly easier than for any other type of product. However, when a DUmmie sees a cantelope selling for an $3.89 each, he helplessly bemoans his fate as you can see in this THREAD with the pitiful title of "Cantelope $3.89 a piece? F*ck, we'll be carrying sacks on a stick and begging at the back doors of the 'haves' pretty soon!" Yes, DUmmie, you have NO choice. You MUST buy that $3.89 cantelope. You are forbidden to look for cantelops at other stores or buy them roadside or at farmer's markets for a buck or less each. So let us now watch the DUmmies use their utter incompetence at bargain shopping as a segue to condemn our EVIL capitalist system in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who recently bought a whole bunch of HUGE papayas for just a buck each, is in the [brackets]:

Cantelope $3.89 a piece? F*ck, we'll be carrying sacks on a stick and begging at the back doors of the "haves" pretty soon!

[A piece of cantelope sold for $3.89. Imagine how much a whole cantelope must sell for.]

A crappy bagel costs $.69 and a crappier muffin is $1.49 at the supermarket. A 16 oz can of soup is $2.19...for broth and a few pieces of pasta. Brown rice is $1.79 lb and bread and milk are near $4.00. Why are we not taking to the streets with this? I despise this administration. DESPISE them. I hope they pay in hell.

[Bagels? I can get a half dozen for a buck. Soup? I can get cans at 2 for a buck. Milk? I WAIT for a certain farmer's market to sell it at a buck for a half gallon and then stock up on it. But since you are TOO STUPID to bargain shop, suddenly you want to take to the streets to overthrow this EVIL Bush regime.]

Looked at Watermelons, yesterday...........small ones - $6.99 and less small ones (can't call them big, really - $7.99. Last year you could get them for $4.99 and they were huge......insane....

[I guess you're too LAZY to stop where roadside vendors are selling watermelons really cheap. Oh, and have you ever checked out the produce section of flea markets? Only true DUmmies will pay $6.99 for a small watermelon. I'll feel good munching on a nice cold small one dollar watermelon later today knowing you allowed yourself to get ripped off.]

The junk food aisle prices are cheap. Hell, a 16 oz bag of imitation chocolate candy $.89. Twinkies are still cheap enough. Why not buy em by the case?

[Good news! Frozen pizza is still cheap. I bought 4 for 5 dollars a week ago.]

well we know where they are coming from when they keep junk food prices down, they are treating us with such vile and disrespect.

[You have absolutely no nutritional choice since the EVIL Bush regime is forcing you to eat junk food.]

....junk food today is like yesterday's cigarettes....make it cheap, encourage their use and watch the peasants drop like flies (after we work the shit out of 'em for a few decades, of course)....capitalism gives me such a warm feeling inside....

[Capitalism is KILLING you with twinkies and chocolate donuts.]

A single ear of corn $1.00. It's crazy.

[Even crazier is that you paid that price.]

They were $2 for six last week at Publix. People need to learn to shop smart. Stock up on items which are on sale and use coupons.

[SHHHHH!!! Don't let the DUmmies know anything about the concept known as bargain shopping. Please continue to allow them to keep on getting ripped off due to their own stupidity.]

I can't believe these produce prices. I shell out for it, but then, I CAN. I count my blessings and am angry on behalf of those whom it really pinches.

[Enjoy those $3.89 cantelopes and $6.99 small watermelons, DUmmie!]

Thank you for your anger. We feel very alone and isolated.

[And helpless.]

Truth be told, I'm one of these idiotf*cks who thinks Trader Joe's is economical, so clearly I haven't "gotten it" in many years.

[Sigh! If only Florida had Trader Joe's so I could indulge in Two Buck Chuck wine.]

I got hostile in the toilet paper section.......... ...12 roll pack of my usual brand - $8.76. Screw that - it goes down the crapper, ferchrissakes, I'll be damned if I pay that. Family will have to get used to flimsy I guess. Meat aisle should have a loan counter right next to it so I can take out a mortgage to get some damn chops..... Milk - hell, a few bucks more and I could get a dang cow..... eggs - do we have a shortage of laying hens? I hate to go to the grocery store anymore - it seems these days we'll have the same menu rotation week after week - but I guess we're lucky to still be able to eat something.

[Maybe your family will have to get used to using their left hands. BTW, I have a food deal where I get meat, beer, olive oil, and paper products really cheap. (My wife doesn't want me to talk about it in detail.) Right now we have enough toilet paper and paper kitchen towels to last us until around Labor Day.]

We're living on split pea soup, lentil soup, rock soup...whatever. Yeah, the toilet paper thing is sickening. Better off using a pressure cleaner.

[Ben Burch will provide you with his personal Rotor Rooter.]

Ha! Eat pine cones AND use them as toilet paper!

[First use the pine cones as toilet paper and THEN eat them.]

a friend of mine was visiting canada and she said a head of lettuce is $5 there....is that true? who the hell would pay $5 for a head of lettuce?

[Clueless Canadian DUmmies.]

I haven't had canteloupe for years based on the price. Only when they sell them at 2 for $3.00. And this is MacIntosh apple country. Cripes, they are $3.49 lb.

[Obviously a DUmmie who NEVER stops for roadside fruit vendors nor goes to farmer's markets.]

Leeks (bunch of three) -- $5.99 at my local Krogers last week.

[EEK! Be sure not to check the farmer's markets so you can continue to bemoan your deserved fate.]

are the freeptards feeling the same crunch? and what are they saying?

[They are saying that helpless DUmmie stupidity is beyond belief and are laughing at you.]

Adzuki beans are the lowest in fat but high in protein. They're great cooked with buttcup squash.

[Ben Burch loves buttcup squash.]

wolfgang puck soup is almost always on sale for $1-$1.25/can, and it definitely is MUCH better than "some broth and a few pieces of pasta".

[Dented Wolfgang Puck soup cans sell for even less at the flea market.]

When will people finally take to the streets? When cantalopes cost $5? $10? What would it take? Seriously...people should be out in the streets NOW.

[Would you take to the streets if I price mark cantelopes up to $20 each? I would love to watch the comedic entertainment.]

2.67 for store brand soup. Use to be $4 for 2 a few weeks ago. Juice is insane. God damn f*cking eggs. Shopping has become depressing. God damn Bush Inc and the enablers.

[Yes, the EVIL Bush regime is preventing you from bargain shopping.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dummies
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To: Arrowhead1952

>>Yes, I know. I always give my older sister a hard time about drinking Starbucks coffee. I tell her I can drink coffee for a month for the $10.** + she spends there daily<<

Oh my goodness! Why would she do that? I have a really nice coffee pot. It was a big 50.00 at Walmart. You can find them cheaper. I set it up at night and get fresh coffee for myself and dad in the morning.

Sam’s club had Maxwell House for 8.00 for a 3 pound can. Even if one buys a really plush cup and takes flavored cream (I drink mine black) it’s way less than 10.00 a week!


161 posted on 05/13/2008 2:00:34 PM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Ironman. (but really made from Gold plated titanium))
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To: bcsco
Four of us, 400.00 at Sam's Club including new (really plush) towels, garbage bags, shampoo for the month (maybe three, they are BIG), two robes for the girls and socks.

We got yogurt and fruit, some nice chops I'm about to grill and freeze, chicken breasts, burgers, hot dogs, regular sausage for grilling, yummy asiago and spinach sausage and some predone stuff , like Dad's Philly cheese steaks that he loves. The only thing I can't seem to get there is frozen spinach, go figure.

It's not hard, but it is work to process and actually COOK.

And in season, we pick our own fruit which is fun!

162 posted on 05/13/2008 2:08:33 PM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Ironman. (but really made from Gold plated titanium))
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To: PJ-Comix
"Looked at Watermelons, yesterday...Last year they were huge...insane.

Is that you Cindy McCain?

163 posted on 05/13/2008 2:12:07 PM PDT by Cletus.D.Yokel (Nothing more attractive than big melons in the summer.)
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To: vincentfreeman
I noted that quite a few of your responses referred the buyer to "roadside stands" or "farmer's markets". How do they keep the produce from freezing in January when it's 20 below?

Oh wait. You live in Florida. Well, of course you have roadside stands year round. Did you think everyone did?

I live alone and am disabled. At times it's difficult to keep from throwing food away no matter how much I hate to do it. I finally decided I'd do a little experimentation to see if I could keep things fresher and quit wasting quite so much.

Oh wait, I live in Oklahoma where we have some pretty cold winters, maybe not 20 below but trust me I'm not exactly looking for roadside stands or farmers markets even now that it's spring. Too soon for fruits and most vegetables since they were only planted after the possibility of the last frost.

Let's see, growing up, traditional wisdom had it watermelons weren't viable until at least the end of May and were best beginning July 4th weekend. Now, living very near the watermelon capitol of the US if one is interested in such brands as Black Diamonds, I find we normally can begin to find local melons around late May-early June. Matter of fact I believe that's close to when Rush Springs, Ok has their annual watermelon festival.

EAT FOODS WHICH ARE IN SEASON! It also helps to take a page from old fashioned food storage techniques. Back in the olden days there were these things called root cellars. Now, I don't have a cellar so after a little thought I improvised.

Root cellars are cool.
Root cellars are dark.
From what I understand there's not a lot of air circulation in a root cellar.

Hmm, what do I have around my home which might substitute as a root cellar? Eureka! I have an electric stove with a drawer below the oven where the broiler pan is typically stored. Closer to ground level and heat rises so it's cooler. Hmmmm! Potatoes, onions, garlic, carrots, certain hard squashes, sweet potatoes. I found my root cellar! Take off the perforated top of the broiler pan, carefully place my in season produce in the bottom portion of the broiler pan. Lightly cover with one of my 14 in. everyday pans to help provide a little additional insulation for when I use my oven. Use the top of the broiler pan on the other half of the oven drawer for those veggies I think might appreciate a little (very little) air circulation and use another light weight largish skillet to cover those veggies.

I pulled a potato out for dinner last night and there were no eyes growing, it wasn't soft, no black spots. Still have 3 more potatoes to use and as the weather is warming up I'm going to need to use them up pretty quickly. The white onion I used hadn't sprouted yet nor had the 2 white and 1 red still left. After doing a quick check, the shallots were in great shape as was the garlic. I had one sweet potato left over and I'll probably use it next week for sweet potato fries. Need to replace the carrots as I use those pretty often. I need to see how pulling the root vegetables up into the oven proper will affect their longevity. It's time for me to pull my large toaster oven out as well as the rotisserie and place them out in the "florida" room where I can use them down there and not heat up the rest of the house. Homemade rotisserie chickens...yum!

I'll also use my rice cooker for making meals such as roasts, chicken and rice dishes, mac n cheese, sausage and sauerkraut as well as whatever other dishes I can come up with. Steamed in-season vegetables in the rice cooker, yep. Roasted asparagus, tomatoes, broccoli, onions, carrots and whatever other fresh veggies which are either cheap or on sale will be cooked in the large toaster oven downstairs.

Before I know it I'll have fresh dewberries. I have a FoodSaver so when I see fresh fruits and/or veggies on sale or being sold alongside the road I'll follow the FS's instructions and freeze them.

I only wish I would have been feeling well enough to put in a few tomato plants, pepper plants and a few herbs which didn't make it over the winter. I do have plenty of lemon thyme and golden thyme as well as oregano and Italian parsley. I'll miss my variety of basils, chives and cilantro.

Print off coupons from different places on the internet, shop the sales, look for coupons for items you do use in the Sunday paper. Look for bargains at the dollar stores for things like canned chicken or tuna. Canned salmon is cheap and can be made into salmon patties.

And so on and so forth!

164 posted on 05/13/2008 2:18:13 PM PDT by Sally'sConcerns (http://www.fda.gov/emaillist.html - Class I (life threatening) recalls email alert sign-up)
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To: netmilsmom

My wife got into one of those Gevalia “coffee of the month” deals some time ago. She would buy four or six speciality flavors for special occasions. We got two free coffee makers with the first order.

A few days, they called her and told her that for some reason they never got a delivery verification and said another order was on the way. We ended up with four coffee makers and 12 lbs of the coffee.

We get the 3 lb cans of coffee at SAMS club too. I drink mine black and strong. That special house roast is very good. I like the Yuban dark roast that is less than $10.00 at SAMS.


165 posted on 05/13/2008 2:22:03 PM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (Typical white person, bitter, religious, gun owner, who will "Just say No to BO (or HRC).")
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To: Arrowhead1952

>>We get the 3 lb cans of coffee at SAMS club too. I drink mine black and strong. That special house roast is very good. I like the Yuban dark roast that is less than $10.00 at SAMS.<<

There was a lady grinding beans today at Sam’s club.

Heaven!!!


166 posted on 05/13/2008 3:15:00 PM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Ironman. (but really made from Gold plated titanium))
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To: PJ-Comix
Cantelope $3.89 a piece? F*ck, we'll be carrying sacks on a stick

Paper or plastic?

167 posted on 05/13/2008 4:13:41 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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To: netmilsmom
I love Big Lots. Liked it better when it was Odd Lots. I once bought an envelope of saffron there for $.50. While it was only a fraction of an ounce, it would normally have been about five bucks.

Of course, with the soaring prices of winter white truffles, I have to eat my risotto plain most days, like a regular schmuck.

168 posted on 05/13/2008 4:22:04 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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To: PJ-Comix
...bread and milk are near $4.00...

Come on over here, DUmmie, cause we're milking your thread for all it's worth.

169 posted on 05/13/2008 4:24:38 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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To: netmilsmom

I’m sure 99% of the DUmmies won’t shop at either of those places: Sam’s Club is owned by Wal-Mart, which is an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! corporation (i.e., won’t kowtow to the unions), and Aldi is beneath them.

My folks (yes, I do live with my parents, but I do work as a professional, contribute to the household budget and don’t live in the basement) shop at SC when it’s major grocery purchases (rice {cultural staple}, oil, eggs, etc.) and Aldi and the nearby Schnuck’s (STLer) for repetitive purchases (bread, milk, canned foods, etc.). Sometimes we do go to a Latin or general ethnic store for products from the old country, but that’s about it.

These morons refuse to shop anywhere other than the Whole Foods Market or Trader Joe’s, and that’s the reason they’re paying half a paycheck for a cantaloupe. Political statement, and everything.


170 posted on 05/13/2008 4:28:56 PM PDT by El Conservador ("Liberalism is the application of childish emotion to complex issues." - MrB)
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To: bcsco

Right after my previous reply, I made a beeline to the indoor farmer’s market I mentioned. I bought six ears of corn for a buck and then two 1-lb sausage rolls for a buck each. I would have bought more but then remembered about the 3 lb. bag of smoked bacon I can get this Sunday for just 3 bucks.


171 posted on 05/13/2008 4:35:07 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List ---The BIGGEST on the FR!!!)
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To: maggief
“Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula?”

It's prohibitive. I've had to switch to a lower grade of balsamic for my vinaigrette because I refuse to compromise when it comes to cheese--it's Parmigiano-Reggiano or nothing.

We all have to make sacrifices in these hard times.

172 posted on 05/13/2008 4:35:39 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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To: El Conservador

>>My folks (yes, I do live with my parents, but I do work as a professional, contribute to the household budget and don’t live in the basement)<<

I should have clairified this.
Contributing to the household budget means that you are not living with your parents, it means you are renting a room. Did it for years, even took on the electric bill myself when times got tough.

If you contribute, you are not who I am speaking of.

I’m with your parents.


173 posted on 05/13/2008 4:35:45 PM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Ironman. (but really made from Gold plated titanium))
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To: Paul Heinzman

You’re so funny!


174 posted on 05/13/2008 4:36:41 PM PDT by netmilsmom (I am Ironman. (but really made from Gold plated titanium))
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To: PJ-Comix
A single ear of corn $1.00. It's crazy.

If you're going to pay that much for corn, it should be screened for mental disorders.

175 posted on 05/13/2008 4:39:04 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel

You haven’t check your exchange rate lately. Canadian $ is on par with US $ now.


176 posted on 05/13/2008 4:42:07 PM PDT by Straight Vermonter (Posting from deep behind the Maple Curtain)
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To: PJ-Comix
....junk food today is like yesterday's cigarettes....

Some of it is even made from yesterday's cigarettes.

177 posted on 05/13/2008 5:04:22 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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To: PJ-Comix
Yeah, the toilet paper thing is sickening. Better off using a pressure cleaner.

That's what the bidet is for, sheesh don't these prople know how to use that "extra toilet"?

I go to Whole Foods once a month, I have to get some organic produce for my parrot, none of those Shop-Rite vegetables for her.

178 posted on 05/13/2008 5:09:35 PM PDT by par4 (Scruting the inscrutable since the 20th century)
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To: PJ-Comix

179 posted on 05/13/2008 5:11:02 PM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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To: PJ-Comix
The junk food aisle prices are cheap.

Yes, but have you seen what passes for crunchtastic these days?

(The link will take you to one of my favorite Onion articles ever.)

180 posted on 05/13/2008 5:16:20 PM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Out of chaos comes comedy.)
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