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DUmmie FUnnies 09-18-06 ("Yesterday, I Bought a Gun")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 18, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 09/18/2006 6:06:49 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

Remember the movie, The American President? It was standard liberal claptrap written by Aaron ("West Wing") Sorkin. The climax of this forgettable flick was a chip-on-the-shoulder speech by President Andrew Shepherd in which he strongly supported the banning of assault weapons and handguns. That was unquestioned liberal orthodoxy eleven years ago when that movie was made. However, it now appears that the Left has not only ditched the gun control shtick but now actively advocates arming themselves. Not against criminals but to fight against EVIL Republicans. They have even recently embraced the movie, "Red Dawn" which has until recently been denounced as a rightwing flick. Now the DUmmies are embracing this movie as a blueprint for their own imagined survivalist struggle against the Republicans where they fantasize themselves as leftwing Wolverines. This complete change in attitude towards guns can be seen in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Yesterday, I Bought a Gun." So let us now join the DUmmies as they fantasize themselves as leftist gunslingers in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wearing a bullet-proof vest, is in the [brackets]:

Yesterday, I Bought a Gun.

[WOLVERINES!!!]

It's a nice .223 mod. What did I buy it for you ask? Protection, nope. Hunting, nope. Harm to Others, Nope. I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door.

[Of course, this DUmmie doesn't even consider the possibility of a struggle with ACTUAL Muslim terrorists.]

With that said, if they come with hostility, I'll blow their kneecaps off.

[First you have to learn how to aim.]

However, what if this "conflict" never happens, what will I do with this gun? It's simple, I'll be buried with it and a copy of the Constitution because that's what its all about, loving your country, and making sure you and yours are safe.

[You'll be buried under a pile of empty pizza cartons in a testament to your useless life in mommy's basement. Perhaps a friend will ennoble your pathetic existence by setting fire to those pizza cartons to give you a faux Viking funeral.]

For when the sword is mighter than the pen, you will live to see another day.

[Is that from "The Two Towers" or "Return of the King?"]

PS, I hope there are some ammo stores availabe during the apocolypse. Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

[Even worse, you won't be able to buy toilet paper.]

They steal another election and we'll all be buying guns.

[You can then shoot yourself with a paintgun.]

I'm just saying that another round of Republican rule and we'll all have to become survivalists, 'cuz they don't seem to understand their responsibility to the public when catastrophe hits.

[Can you survive without order out pizza for a week?]

Hey, I'll tell you one other thing, there's a hippy farm about 30 miles from where I live. Hell I'll just head down there. The feds never mess with their "Hemp" production.

[Smoke all the hemp you want. Why change your lifestyle?]

Russian soldiers refused to fire on their countrymen... ---- And American soldiers, except for a few nutcases, will do so, too. In fact, it is highly unlikely that the Pentagon would follow the neocons down the path to military dictatorship. Not everyone is as crazy as the PNAC. ---- But just for the record, the American population is just about the best-armed civilian population on Earth. Those attempting to enforce widespread martial law would be faced off against 30-40 million armed Americans,.... who, after the first week, would have M-16's, too. ---- Thomas Jefferson could scarcely have imagined where history and technology would lead, but he understood human nature. 2nd amendment gun rights are not about hunting or recreation.

[I'm tempted to make the LOUSY FREEPER TROLL accusation but now I'm not so sure since the DUmmies have done a big one-eighty on the topic of gun control when they started thinking they would have to fight the EVIL Republicans.]

As far as a personal arsenal goes, I'd recommend one handgun (concealable defensive weapon,) one 12 gauge shotgun, and one rifle such as an AR-15, Kalashnikov, M-1 Garand or SKS.

[A DUmmie munitions expert weighs in.]

JOIN THE NRA NOW!!!!.....AND SHOW Them that libs and progressives beleieve in the right to bare arms.....

[Benburch believes in the right to bare buttocks.]

Lets satrt the DRA !!!

[DUmmie Rifle Association.]

But, at this point in time, there are other things to be concerned about and plan for. For instance, there's no doubt the blog-o-sphere has hurt these bastards. What happens if they decide to take it down under the guise of some free market bullshit? We all KNOW the corporate media hates the competition. One day DU just doesn't come up anymore. What multiplies our strength is the ability to communicate and get the truth out. It would be prudent to have other options available, wouldn't it ?

[Don't worry. I told Karl Rove to keep the blog-o-sphere up and running since you DUmmies are such a rich source for DUFU comedy material.]

Yep, and if you're going to use your gun to fight fascists, those fascists are likely to be in the form of a SWAT team, so you'll want to aim for the head, as the torso will be heavily armored.

[And of course the fascists that this DUmmie means are EVIL Republicans, not actual Islamofascist terrorists.]

I used to be adamantly anti-gun. No more. I haven't bought a gun yet, but I've thought about it.

[Especially after watching the "V For Vendetta" fantasy.]

I recently bought one too... It's a nice .40cal Ruger Semi-Auto, and it scares the living hell out of me. I've taken it out the the shooting range a few times now and there are no questions that it will obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. I hope to God that never happens, but I'm starting to feel a sense of security when I think about the fundamentalist nut jobs taking to the streets to bring us all to Jesus... If you start pushing your religious ideology on the rest of us, or dicking around with our civil rights, you'd best skip my place...

[Another DUmmie apparently unaware of the proclivities of REAL LIFE decapitating Islamofascist terrorists. Instead he lives in a "V For Vendetta" dreamworld.]

i am also armed with a .223 M4 carbine. The perfect CQB weapon next to the MP5, but can 'reach out and touch someone' effectively at 300 meters. You may want a sidearm too, a 9mm or .45ACP, as a last ditch defense or for a suicide out in a no-win worst case scenario. In these insane times its a sane choice to have a service weapon to defend your home. It's what's commonly referred to an STHF scenario, or Shit Hit The Fan, when society collapses into turmoil from civil unrest, catastrophic disasters, tyrannical government, religious fanatics, or zombies rising from the dead.

[I recommend you go straight to that suicide scenario from the get-go.]

As for the Microwave units that will undoubtedly be used against the populace at some point, since we're all guinea pigs to them anyway, bring a roll of TIN FOIL, drop it to the ground as you hang onto the free end of the roll in front of your body - creating a shield, and not only will it offer some protection, it will also play havoc with the unit sending the microwaves, especially if a BUNCH of people aimed the waves right back at them.

[And don't forget to roll that tinfoil into the shape of a hat to wear on your head.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2a; 2ndamendment; bang; banglist; democrats; dummies; guns; nra; rkba; secondamendment; tinfoil
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To: justshutupandtakeit
This is like Bizarro Free Republic.
---
Remove the word "like" from this sentence.
101 posted on 09/19/2006 2:29:04 AM PDT by Cheburashka (World's only Spatula City certified spatula repair and maintenance specialist!!!)
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To: Firefigher NC
I bought it for the day in my life when a war comes to my backdoor. I plan to keep it safe and very secure from my family and never intend to use it until either the Republican Army or the christians come knocking on my door."

This Einstein needs to be reminded that you only fight as well as you train.

---
Why would we want to remind him of that?
102 posted on 09/19/2006 2:31:00 AM PDT by Cheburashka (World's only Spatula City certified spatula repair and maintenance specialist!!!)
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To: prairiebreeze
Oh wait, we'll have the big black L on our shoulder so we won't be able to buy ammo.

I thought it was a huge RED "L"...and it was on your FOREHEAD!!!

103 posted on 09/19/2006 3:03:09 AM PDT by dirtbiker (I've tried to see the liberal point of view, but I couldn't get my head that far up my a$$....)
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To: CzarNicky
Send Lawyers, Guns and Money.

Another Warren Zevon fan, I presume? (Remember "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner"?)

104 posted on 09/19/2006 3:15:22 AM PDT by dirtbiker (I've tried to see the liberal point of view, but I couldn't get my head that far up my a$$....)
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To: Cheburashka
This Einstein needs to be reminded that you only fight as well as you train.

--- Why would we want to remind him of that?

Because we know they will NEVER train, if it involved haul their ponderous a$$e$ from Momma basement to go outside.....into the sunlight.....and actually DO something physical....

105 posted on 09/19/2006 3:21:14 AM PDT by dirtbiker (I've tried to see the liberal point of view, but I couldn't get my head that far up my a$$....)
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To: PJ-Comix

-Eric

106 posted on 09/19/2006 3:25:58 AM PDT by E Rocc (Myspace "Freepers" group moderator)
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To: decal

Jeff Cooper related a story about some newbie who tried to return a rifle because it was broken and a part fell out. The buyer had the "broken" part and he showed it to the gunshop employee. It was the empty cartridge case.


107 posted on 09/19/2006 4:07:00 AM PDT by Shooter 2.5 (Vote a Straight Republican Ballot. Rid the country of dems. NRA)
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To: PJ-Comix

Ask a DUmmie what's a bigger threat.

A: The Muslim with a bomb strapped to their chest screaming "KILL KILL THE INFIDEL, JIHAD, DEATH TO AMERICA"

B: The little old Christian lady across the street who never bothers anyone.

They will all say B, They want to vent their hate and anger of a "soft" target. They know the little old lady will never hurt them, that's why they attack and berate them. They don't have the courage to stand up and speak out against the true threats.

Just like all these "brave" and "risk taking" filmmakers who bash Christians, they know that no harm will come to them from their pieces of celluloid garbage. They know deep down they a Christian won't plunge a dagger into their chest. They are cowards, all of them. They just want fame and people to love them. They don't want to actually take risks and put their pampered lives at risk by even saying a negative word about Islam.


108 posted on 09/19/2006 4:41:45 AM PDT by SolidusRaccoon
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To: PJ-Comix
DUmmies buying guns?

Can't be true!

No one mentioned a Guy Fawkes mask.

109 posted on 09/19/2006 4:42:45 AM PDT by N. Theknow ((Kennedys - Can't drive, can't fly, can't ski, can't skipper a boat - But they know what's best.))
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To: Democratshavenobrains

"Comparing these half assed Bush whiners to the fictional Wolverines is an insult."

They are "Wolverines" of the UofM variety! That is why I hate that friggin school in Ann Arbor! I really resent the fact that Notre Dame gave them the game this past Saturday. Oh, well, maybe Sparty or Buccy will knock them off their high horse.


110 posted on 09/19/2006 4:42:50 AM PDT by CSM ("When you stop lying about us, we'll stop telling the truth about you." No Truce With Kings)
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To: Charles Henrickson
You win the benburch joke prize for this thread.

It is a great honor to recieve this award. I'd like to thank my parents, my teachers, the academy, and the Lord above for giving me the strength and the perverse sense of humor needed to achieve this honor.

111 posted on 09/19/2006 4:54:14 AM PDT by NeoCaveman (BlackwellvStrickland.blogspot.com, for the 411 on the Ohio race - linked on realclearpolitics)
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To: gate2wire
The perfect DUmmie side arm.
112 posted on 09/19/2006 5:03:46 AM PDT by Budge (<>< Sit Nomen Domini benedictum. <><)
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To: PJ-Comix; harpseal; TexasCowboy; AAABEST; Travis McGee; Squantos; Shooter 2.5; wku man; SLB; ...
Man alive, this is just too funny.

Go get 'em, PJ!

Click the Gadsden flag for pro-gun resources!

113 posted on 09/19/2006 5:30:16 AM PDT by Joe Brower (The Constitution defines Conservatism. *NRA*)
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To: Shooter 2.5
Jeff Cooper related a story about some newbie who tried to return a rifle because it was broken and a part fell out. The buyer had the "broken" part and he showed it to the gunshop employee. It was the empty cartridge case.

LMAO!!! That is too funny.

114 posted on 09/19/2006 5:33:48 AM PDT by EricT. (The Democrats have decided it will either be a Democrat led America, or no America at all.)
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To: PJ-Comix
This IS a joke, right?

There cannot be people living in this country that are THIS monumentally stupid. I thought it would take more brain cells than they seem to have to just breathe. These people are certifiably nutzo.

115 posted on 09/19/2006 5:38:59 AM PDT by Dooderbutt (It's God's job to judge the terrorists. It's our job to arrange the meeting.)
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To: Dooderbutt
There cannot be people living in this country that are THIS monumentally stupid. I thought it would take more brain cells than they seem to have to just breathe

You must have missed yesterday's thread on gun buy backs The stupidity of the people described there could be cut with a knife.

116 posted on 09/19/2006 5:49:17 AM PDT by from occupied ga (Your most dangerous enemy is your own government)
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To: dirtbiker
And what use are well-trained DUmmies to us, exactly?

In case you didn't notice, this thread in DUmmieland is about getting a gun to shoot FReepers.

My preferred scenario during Civil War II (God forbid it should come to that) is:

1. FReeper comes into line of sight of DUmmie.

2. DUmmie sights on FReeper. DUmmie pulls trigger. A click. Nothing happens.

3. DUmmie thinks "D##n! What's wrong? It was supposed to go 'bang' and the FReeper was supposed to fall down!'"

4. DUmmie examines gun, and determines, that since he never fired the gun before, he had left the safety on.

5. Hopefully the FReeper heard the click in #2 above, and while #3 and #4 are happening looks in the direction of the noise, sees the DUmmie, and shoots him.

I realize that 99% of the DUmmies will never buy a gun, and most of those that do will decide to go to the bank and put it in his safe deposit box. By the time he remembers it and figures out he wants it, the bank will be closed and he won't be able to get it out, but you never know.

I repeat my question: and what use are well-trained DUmmies to us, exactly?
117 posted on 09/19/2006 5:50:38 AM PDT by Cheburashka (World's only Spatula City certified spatula repair and maintenance specialist!!!)
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To: gate2wire

"Lesson #1- The end with the hole is the dangerous end."


Is that you, benburch?


118 posted on 09/19/2006 6:10:28 AM PDT by beans36 (late benburch joke entry)
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To: Cheburashka

4.5 FReeper retreats to a sheltered location to laugh his butt off at the DUmmie before moving on to #5.


119 posted on 09/19/2006 6:18:49 AM PDT by kimmie7 (Liberals embrace the sin......Christians embrace the sinner.)
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To: PJ-Comix
Have you ever noticed that whenever DUmmies talk about buying guns it is always hard to get or expensive models that are mostly found on movies? Methinks all of this is just a bunch of fantasy out of the mind of a 13 year old in front of his X-Box.
120 posted on 09/19/2006 6:48:49 AM PDT by mnehring (http://abaraxas.blogspot.com/)
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