Dems Vote to Deport Schwarzenegger

Counterjab ^ | 04/24/2005 | Chris Davis

[writer33]

Washington — In an embittered and highly contested vote, Democrats—along with a few Republicans lawmakers—voted to deport Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-CA. In his bigoted speech to the Newspaper Association of America last week, Schwarzenegger claims to have misspoken after using ill-advised, typically conservative, racist comments.

“It’s a federal issue,” Schwarzenegger said. “And the only thing I can say and add to this is, really, close the borders. Close the borders in California, and all across Mexico and the United States.”

Critics pounced, stabbing him in the back and kicking him while he’s down, and Schwarzenegger apologized the next day. He blamed faulty English for the gaffe, and said he was for “securing the borders” instead. In his recant, Schwarzenegger added, “Yesterday was a total screw-up in the words I used. Because instead of closing, I meant securing. I think maybe my English, I need to go back to school and study a little bit.”

Democrats huffed and puffed, almost blowing the house down over Schwarzenegger's alleged malapropism — "the governor's words are an embarrassment," scolded state Treasurer Phil Angelides. “Something has to be done about our vigilante governor.”

“We have a terrific relationship with Mexico," Schwarzenegger said. "I filmed four movies in Mexico and I love to go on vacation to Mexico. We have a great trade agreement with Mexico.”

Lawmakers didn’t listen to Schwarzenegger’s pleas, bringing hate legislation to the floor of Congress. “I don’t care what he (Schwarzenegger) says,” noted Dianne Feinstein, D-CA. “My vote counts and I say deport him.”

Barbara Boxer, D-CA, also jumped on the bandwagon, berating Schwarzenegger and giving a yes vote. “It sounded like there was a little swastika in those comments,” she screeched. Like father, like son I guess. “We’ve got to do what’s best for our nation and send him back to Austria.”

The fevered debate on The Hill lasted almost 15 minutes before voting commenced, happily throwing Schwarzenegger to the wolves and deporting him back to Austria. “We can’t allow these bigoted remarks to go unchallenged,” commented Olympia Snow, R-ME. “There’s a new tone here in Washington and we can’t reach out to Democrats with Republicans like this.”

“First, these menacing minutemen and now this from Schwarzenegger,” said Gov. Christine Gregoire, D-WA. “I fully support the action by Congress. I think it’s great. We’re much more diverse here in Washington.”

Despite the protests from Schwarzenegger, the U.S. Justice Department plans to storm the mansion, kidnap Schwarzenegger in the early morning hours and place him on a plane. In order to make sure we have this right,” noted Sen. Clinton, D-NY. “We’re bringing in Janet Reno to help us clean house in Sacramento.”

[writer33]

"He is a poor, starving conservative, beaten down by big business and the rich. Please by his book."

You're the first one to comment. Glad you enjoyed it. It was all part of it.

[writer33]

Love the graphics, E.

[writer33]

Glad you enjoyed it, LM.

[writer33]

Good laugh when I need it most -- late Sunday night. Thanks Chris. I swear, you and Mark Steyn can churn out a column every 15 minutes. You should start selling this stuff by the pound!!

Thanks for the compliments, speedy. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[luvie]

You callin' me cheap, lady? (hee-hee) I'm gonna be reading it on my vacation, so expect a full report. It had better be good or it'll be scorched earth for you! I'll be demanding a refund, just like DUmmies demand recount after recount!

[writer33]

Perfect graphic, ss.

[Enterprise]

Thanks - I loved the article too!

[writer33]

In a surprise move, Chef wunderkind,Austrian Wolfgang Puck, of Malibu, Ca. agreed to post an immigration bond in the amount of 5 million dollars for Governor Schwartzenegger today. " I am appalled by the talk about my close friend Arnold in DC, and I will close my 4 star restaurant there in protest" said the feisty little chef. Arnold will be living in America long after those crooked politicos in Washington are just a memory Puck added " And Feinstein, tell your billionaire husband he is persona non grata at my Malibu restaurant too! "A lousy tipper,this guy Feinstein" added Puck.

That's pretty good, IA. You oughtta start writing and quit your day job as sweat shop owner. :)

[writer33]

You callin' me cheap, lady? (hee-hee) I'm gonna be reading it on my vacation, so expect a full report. It had better be good or it'll be scorched earth for you! I'll be demanding a refund, just like DUmmies demand recount after recount!

No. I'm calling you a rich, greedy conservative that happens to be cheap. :) Hehe!

And no refunds. Buyer beware. :) HA! I hope you enjoy it, lady.

[writer33]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the compliment, E. I appreciate it.

[international american]

I thought about selling the sweatshop and along with it my sweatshop slaves(they are too dumb to know who owns it anyway), but my doctor told me the nightly floggings I administer to my flock lowers my blood pressure, so I'm not quite sure I should sell it.

[luvie]

I am sure I will! ;o) Better to be a rich, greedy conservative than a zoned-out, basement-dwelling DUmmie any day! Right? Capitalism rocks!!!

[writer33]

I thought about selling the sweatshop and along with it my sweatshop slaves(they are too dumb to know who owns it anyway), but my doctor told me the nightly floggings I administer to my flock lowers my blood pressure, so I'm not quite sure I should sell it.

Good. As long as you have your priorities straight. :)

[writer33]

Capitalism rocks!!!

That's what the oppressive man says.

On a serious note, it's what's made America great.

[luvie]

You got that right, Chris--rock on, man! Keep 'em coming!

[Delta 21]

You really cant make this stuff up.

[Cultural Jihad]

He is a poor, starving conservative, beaten down by big business and the rich. Please by his book.

If these are his words, he whines like a liberal looking for cop-out excuses.

[international american]

I am a simple venomous greedy man.

[writer33]

You got that right, Chris--rock on, man! Keep 'em coming!

Will do. Thank you.

[writer33]

You really cant make this stuff up.

Thanks.