Posted on 04/05/2005 6:55:44 AM PDT by writer33
In a Counterjab exclusive, we’re reporting that MoveOn.org is planning to fight the Christian Right. After their ‘in your face’ victory to Jesus freaks in federal and state courts, MoveOn is mobilizing their members to keep the tide turned.
“Now listen here,” said our source, known only as Deep Colon. “We’re not advocating violence. We’re just standing up to the fascism and tyranny of Cheney’s jackboots and his administration.”
The Christian right’s outrage over the Terri Schiavo case and other court decisions has lead to members of Congress in a veritable showdown with liberals judges. “We’re here to mobilize,” said Deep Colon. “That way we can get our ducks in a row. We’re recruiting a group of volunteers armed with pies, spitballs and whip cream. If those bible-thumpers give us trouble, we’ll give it right back to them in their face.”
“Don’t get us wrong,” mentions Deep Colon. “MoveOn isn’t promoting anti-Christianity at all. We’re here to exercise our First Amendment Rights. We say no to a theocracy and we mean it!”
Deep Colon wasn’t the only one that wanted to comment. T.R. McKinney from Amesbury, MA, had this to say: “One of the most disturbing trends is the political force being put behind fundamental Christian ‘values’, which not all Americans subscribe to because some of those values include intolerance, ignorance, and oppression,” wrote T.R. McKinney from Amesbury, MA. “I am not advocating a ‘gay rights’ campaign, but an "American rights" campaign that fights the attempt by the President and Congress to curtail the rights of certain categories of people based on outdated, unscientific and narrow-minded dogma.”
T.R. continued his rant, “We should combat the fear-mongering lies about the destruction of the family with the truth that love, in any family, is the nuclear bond. We should combat superstition with science. And we should combat the downright fascist attempt to limit the rights of certain individuals with the Constitution of the United States and enduring American values. The path of curtailing rights goes down a dark road, and it does not stop at one group of people if left unchecked, but can progress to include any envisioned enemy of the establishment. We've seen it happen before.”
It didn’t end there. William Weldon with a Ph.D in psychology from New York stated, “Many of the most powerful people in this country—from Pat Robertson to Tom DeLay to Antonin Scalia—the likely next Chief Justice of the Supreme Court—are on record as saying that America needs to be transformed into a theocratic state, ruled by the Republican Party, according to Biblical—Levitican—Law. Many ‘good’ Christians in the Bible belt are of the same mind. My sister in Kansas is among them. She and her family belong to an Orthodox Church, where they pray that God may guide and protect Our Emperor--President Bush. This is not something new that the priest simply ‘tacks on’ at the end of every Mass. But is an ancient part of the liturgy--used to bless the Christian Emperors of Rome, beginning with Constantine. When Pat Robertson and my sister's parish priest start referring to Bush as ‘the first Christian Emperor of America,’ we are talking about a vision of America that goes far beyond reversing Roe v. Wade. ‘The President of Good and Evil’ is a good place to start.”
“We’ve got to clean up these holly-rollers,” said a spokesman from Ted Kennedy’s office. “The first place to start is Free Republic and those icky Christians.”
It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so close to the truth.
That's true.
:) How true.
"Perhaps some of our most out spoken Libertarians will find a new home with Moveon.org"
Nice dream : )
"Kennedy's spokesman said "I wish Christians would take a long drive off of a short pier"
Apparently, even Kennedy aides are obsessed with bridges, piers, water, and drowning.
:)
"MooreOn.org cannot fight its way out of a wet paper bag."
Not true. Last year, I put 4 of them in a wet paper bag. For months, they just sat on the ground, wringing their hands in despair. Then some wise guy scremed into the bag " free lunch....free ride"
:) hehehe!
Thanks.
It's a good parody, though I found "Deep Colon" faintly disturbing...
Those "holly rollers" would bother me too,especially during Christmas. 8^)
Sorry, I was trying for a "Deep Throat" type persona, but couldn't think of anything else that was better. Deep Intestine or Stomach just doesn't do it either.
:) I know. Who needs these "holly rollers" at Christmas. That's all about Santa. Sheesh!
Hehehe!
"I should have said the most vocal Left leaning Libertarians there."
I knew what you meant........the open borders, legalize drugs crowd : )
The 'tolerant' religion of secular humanism
farts
again.
They will have their few years of rule--beyond the decades already under their belt.
Their rule will include the deaths of at least a couple Billion people. They will still curse God.
Thankfully,
Jesus and those who Love and follow Him, win in the end.
Don't like them apples? Change or take the consequences.
Good stuff.
Glad you enjoyed it PS.
I saw Interesting Time's post saying this one is a parody, but it's difficult to tell the difference (if any) between a parody and the stuff moveon puts out regularly.
Thanks for the pictures, bitt.
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