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Keyword: satire

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  • Dem Uses Kavanaugh Hearing to Jockey for Position in 2020 [semi-satire]

    09/08/2018 1:52:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 Sep 2015 | John Semmens
    Fresh from his preposterous antics in the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on the Kavanaugh nomination to the Supreme Court in which he characterized himself as a "Spartacus fighting against tyranny," Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) brushed aside Wall Street Journal reporter Byron Tau's attempt to ask him a question about it, asserting that "it is unconstitutional for anyone to question me about anything I said in Congress in any other place." Booker's heroic moment came when he made a show of releasing what he called "wrongly classified documents that Republicans are trying to hide from the American people. I know that...
  • Man Who Intentionally Divided Nation For Eight Years Calls For Unity-SATIRE?

    09/07/2018 8:57:19 PM PDT · by fungoking · 23 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 9/7/18 | Staff
    URBANA, IL—In a moving speech delivered Friday, President Barack Obama called for the nation to turn from fear, anger, and resentment, despite having stoked these emotions at every opportunity during his time in office. The man who had carefully stoked divisions and pushed identity politics for a full eight years called the nation to turn away from divisive “politics of resentment” and instead be loving and inclusive. “Common ground exists, I have seen it, I have lived it,” he said, though his presidency was spent turning people on each other and encouraging a culture of victimhood and resentment. “I know...
  • Master Ken Self Defense tips against ANTIFA

    09/07/2018 7:25:49 PM PDT · by Rebelbase · 25 replies
    Liveleak ^ | 9/7/18 | Master Ken
    Quick primer on self defense when ANTIFA gets in your face.Video Here.
  • Senate Democrats Vow To Impotently Shake Fists While Kavanaugh Is Confirmed-SATIRE

    09/06/2018 6:34:25 AM PDT · by fungoking · 10 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 9/5/18 | Staff
    WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the Senate holds hearings to confirm Judge Brett Kavanaugh as the next Supreme Court justice, Democrats have come up with a new tactic — the only tactic left to them since Harry Reid “nuked” the filibuster: impotently shaking their fists in disapproval. “We won’t take this lying down,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer vowed. “Nor will we take it while standing. We plan to take it while sitting and shaking our fists. Let the last thing Kavanaugh sees before his lifetime appointment be a number of fists bobbing about, expressing a threat no one here is capable of...
  • Outrage After Obama Outed As White Supremacist-SATIRE

    09/06/2018 6:22:17 AM PDT · by fungoking · 4 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 09/5/18 | Staff
    U.S.—Nationwide fury erupted Wednesday after Barack Obama was outed as a raging white supremacist, as progressive activists uncovered years-old video footage of the former president clearly using the “white power” hand signal during a speech. “What fresh [expletive] is this!!!???” activist Amy Siskind wrote on Twitter, attaching a screen shot of Obama holding his hand in such a manner that the tips of his index finger and thumb were touching, with his middle finger, ring finger, and pinkie pointed upward, positively signaling his allegiance to the ideals of white supremacy. “Take away his Nobel Peace Prize and remove him from...
  • Cuomo Attacks GDP as Measure of Economic Health [semi-satire]

    09/05/2018 9:57:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY), anxious to build on the momentum set in motion by his earlier assertion that “America was never that great,” demanded a better measure of the nation's economic health. “I know that the Trump Administration is touting last quarter's 4.2% rise in GDP as a sign that the economy is booming,” the Governor observed. “But is this really the best measure we can come up with? GDP growth never got as high as 3% during the Obama Administration. But can we really say that Americans weren't better off then?” “The problem with GDP is that it is...
  • Dem Objections to Supreme Court Nominee Mount [semi-satire]

    09/04/2018 10:22:13 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Democrats’ objections to Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh continue to mount. Sen. Mazie Hirono (Hawaii) complains that “all I see from his record is a slavish devotion to the written law. I see no willingness to consider the unwritten law or the social justice implications of refusing to create new laws when circumstances warrant it.” Sen. Richard Blumenthal (Conn) found “Kavanaugh’s lack of military experience a bit troubling. My Vietnam service has been an essential building block of my career. I couldn’t have been the effective senator I have been without it.” Sen. Christopher Coons (Del) lamented “the inadequate paper...
  • Blame for Chinese Espionage Coup Unclear [semi-satire]

    09/03/2018 11:56:16 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    The execution of 20 CIA spies by the Chinese government during the Obama term was a serious setback for America’s national security. The question of who is to blame remains a matter of dispute. Candidates include Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-Calif) and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. It was revealed earlier in August that a member of Sen. Feinstein’s staff for the last 20 years was, in fact, a spy for the Chinese government. Feinstein was a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee from 2009 to 2017 and would have been privy to a lot of classified material that might...
  • Like Political Funerals? Now There's a Series (Satire)

    09/03/2018 10:51:42 AM PDT · by scottinoc · 2 replies
    Scott Johnson
    Think the week-long McCain memorial was too much? As politicians and songsters have quipped, "You ain't seen nothing yet". Bob K Fiorelia, veteran TV producer and Hollywood insider, is planning a miniseries of memorials. "McCain memorial week could have been 'boffo', as we used to say in Hollywood, and it got me to thinking, why can't death be combined with good production value and social justice concerns?" asks Fiorelia. "It's a fine line between honoring the dead and getting successful ratings. Why can't we have both? What we're talking about here--and I run the risk of sounding ghoulish to some--is...
  • It wasn’t worth it, says 103-year-old vegetarian

    09/02/2018 6:37:25 PM PDT · by aMorePerfectUnion · 41 replies
    The daily mash ^ | October 2015 | staff
    A MAN who extended his life span by avoiding processed meats bitterly regrets having done so, it has emerged. 103-year-old Roy Hobbs never ate sausages, bacon or black pudding apart from a one-off fried breakfast which he admits was mind-bendingly delicious. He said: “I am over a century old, partly because I’ve exercised extreme self-control when it comes to my base desire for meat. “Many times I’ve been tempted. One time in Birmingham train station I actually bought a burger and raised it to my salivating mouth, but never took a bite. “Only once, while staying in a corporate hotel...
  • Candidate Calls for Free Health Care for Illegals [semi-satire]

    09/02/2018 4:55:38 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Former San Francisco mayor and current Democratic candidate for governor of California Gavin Newsome has pledged to make health care free for all illegal immigrants if he wins in November. “When I was mayor I extended the boundaries of freedom beyond what is provided in any other city in America,” Newsome boasted. “The most well-known of these freedoms is, of course, the freedom to defecate in public without fear of penalty. But an overlooked freedom was using public funds to ensure that every undocumented person residing in the city received the same benefits that citizens are required to purchase under...
  • satire Ocasio-Cortez Praises Venezuela For Making Everyone A Millionaire Through Hyperinflation (Sat

    09/01/2018 1:40:44 PM PDT · by Sub-Driver · 25 replies
    Ocasio-Cortez Praises Venezuela For Making Everyone A Millionaire Through Hyperinflation August 31, 2018 EW YORK, NY—In an interview on Meet the Press Sunday, Democratic congressional candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez scolded American leaders for not setting the minimum wage as high as Venezuela, whose hyper-inflated currency is forcing minimum wage increases all year long. Ocasio-Cortez then pointed out that if we would just raise the minimum wage to somewhere in the millions like the socialist South American country did, everyone will be a millionaire. “Venezula’s minimum wage is, like, millions per month, and ours isn’t even close to that,” she said. “Our...
  • satire ‘Whites forced education down our throats, it’s actually not our thing’, South Africa Educati

    08/28/2018 7:49:51 PM PDT · by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis · 77 replies
    Basic Education Minister Angie Motshekga will on Thursday release a ministerial task team report into the possibility of introducing history as a compulsory subject from grades 10 to matric. In 2015, the department held an inaugural round table where the task team lead by Professor Sibusiso Ndlovu was established. The ministerial task team was given terms of reference to conduct a comparative international study on how best to implement the introduction of history as a compulsory subject at South African schools in grades 10, 11 and 12. Now the team will report back after completing comparative studies and research in...
  • MSNBC Panel Agrees “Trump Supporters Are Selfish” [semi-satire]

    09/01/2018 10:03:43 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    A panel hosted by MSNBC anchor Stephanie Ruhle unanimously agreed that Trump supporters, unlike those who oppose him, are “selfish.” Ruhle set the tone, saying that “the morally reprehensible behavior of the President doesn't seem to bother these people. I mean, there was the 'Access Hollywood' tape that should have destroyed him during the last weeks of the 2016 campaign. Now, there is a plausible contention that he had sex with Stormy Daniels ten years ago and paid her off to keep quiet about it. Is this the kind of person we want as our president?” “What I am hearing...
  • Staff Changes at the Special Prosecutor's Office [semi-satire]

    09/01/2018 1:22:21 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 Sep 2018 | John Semmens
    Signs that Special Counsel Robert Mueller is about to ramp up the enforcement phase of his campaign against the Trump Administration was indicated by the departure of two lower-ranking prosecutors. The slots will be filled by two former military sharpshooters. Peter Carr, a spokesman for the special counsel, explained that "the seriousness of the threat to the nation posed by President Trump combined with his power to thwart normal legal procedures has forced Mr. Mueller to consider a more forceful approach." Carr cited the action taken to neutralize Osama bin Laden as a precedent for Mueller's decision. "The nation didn't...
  • Former Satanist: “I Performed Satanic Rituals Inside Abortion Clinics” (2015)

    08/30/2018 7:04:57 PM PDT · by narses · 47 replies
    Lepanto Institute ^ | 8/8/2015 | MICHAEL HICHBORN
    In light of the recent videos exposing Planned Parenthood’s trafficking of the organs and tissues of preborn babies, the Lepanto Institute interviewed former satanic High Wizard, Zachary King. Zachary was an average boy from an American neighborhood who grew up in a Baptist home. He began practicing magick at 10, joined a satanic coven at 13, and had broken all 10 Commandments by the time he was 15 years old. From his teen years to adulthood he worked his way up to High Wizard in the coven and actively pushed satan’s agenda including ritualistic abortions. Zachary is currently writing about...
  • UN Sec Gen Calls for More Aid to Fight Israel [semi-satire]

    08/28/2018 9:44:22 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 August 2018 | John Semmens
    Lamenting that “those who oppose Israel are not as well-armed as the Jews,” United Nations Secretary-General, Antonio Guterres called for “increased spending to level the playing field. The Palestinian quest to annihilate Israel is severely hampered by the superior fighting ability of the Israeli Defense Forces. Israel has sophisticated weapons, well-trained troops and pilots, and a sense of desperation that gives them no alternative but to courageously fight for survival. This puts their enemies at an unfair disadvantage.” “The $5 billion in US aid to the Palestinians over the past decade has been insufficient to give these oppressed people a...
  • South Africa Government Protests Trump Tweets [semi-satire]

    08/27/2018 10:12:07 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 August 2018 | John Semmens
    South Africa's government has lodged a formal protest alleging that President Trump's tweet questioning its confiscation of the property of white farmers is "an inappropriate interference with the internal affairs of our country. We are a sovereign nation. Everyone living within our borders is ours to do with as we deem best. As recently as July of this year, American President Obama acknowledged that this property transfer is inspiring great hope in our country." While the property seizures violate the country's current constitution, President Cyril Ramaphosa is asking the Parliament "to change the constitution and allow the government to seize...
  • California to Rescue 800,000 Welfare Recipients ]semi-satire]

    08/26/2018 8:34:08 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 August 2018 | John Semmens
    As the Trump economic boom has pushed the state’s unemployment rate to a low of 4.2 percent, the Brown Administration has applied to the U.S. Department of Agriculture for a waiver of the requirement for 800,000 able-bodied and childless Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) recipients in 55 counties to do some work in exchange for this government benefit. Gov. Jerry Brown (D) defended the action calling it “an act of mercy. Most of these long-term welfare recipients have no work experience or aptitude. Demanding that they enter the workforce even on a part time basis constitutes an inhumane and traumatic...
  • ‘No Crime Required for Impeachment’ Dem Says [semi-satire]

    08/25/2018 8:34:00 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 20 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 August 2018 | John Semmens
    This week’s “plea bargain” in which former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen confessed to the non-crime of paying “hush money” to two women alleging trysts with Donald Trump more than ten years ago has created an impeachment frenzy in media and Democratic Party circles. Under normal circumstances, a threat to expose embarrassing information unless a payment is made would be considered extortion. That would make the person demanding payment the criminal party in the transaction. But, as Rep. Al Green (D-Tex) says, “normally, a person being victimized by a blackmailer would deserve sympathy. However, when that victim is Donald Trump we...