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The Climate Science Truth & Accountability Act, a bill introduced by California state Sen. Ben Allen (D-Santa Monica) would expand state and local government’s attorneys’ power to crack down on global warming critics. Under the bill, the statute of limitations would be extended to 30 years so that the California attorney general, 58 county district attorneys and the city attorneys of every city with more than 750,000 people would have a bigger window of opportunity to launch investigations, lawsuits, and prosecutions against climate change critics. “We cannot allow the biggest criminals against humanity to escape punishment just because of the...

Hillary Clinton canceled campaign events today after her broom was found broken in two early this morning. While investigators suspect foul play one tip from a man who wishes to remain anonymous suggests that the broom has been trying to end itself for decades ever since his mother-in-law passed it down to Hillary. According to one of the emails unearthed from the FBI investigation into Clinton's private email servers the broom was set to be part of a forthcoming "green initiative." Aides say the plan aimed at severely reducing the carbon footprint of the presidency by making the broom the...

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson dismissed the possibility of deporting those entering the country illegally as "impractical. For all intents and purposes the 11 million already residing here are, in effect, US citizens." Johnson also expressed his distaste at deporting alien criminals on the grounds that "it would be both cruel and unusual. The home countries to which they would be deported are already suffering under crime rates far higher than we have here in the United States. Even if letting them stay here raises our crime rates it seems to me that this would provide for a...

President Obama’s touted plan to reduce government red tape appears to have both increased the cost of government AND the time and effort required to comply with regulations. According to the American Action Forum, measures put into place by the Administration have added a net $23 billion in costs and nearly nine million hours of extra paperwork on businesses, individuals, and government to comply with the “reforms.” Press Secretary Josh Earnest defended the Administration’s efforts, saying that “a simplistic calculation of the costs and burdens unfairly muddles the distinction between eliminating bad regulations and replacing them with good regulations. The...

During what campaign staffers describe as a "senior moment" Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont picked up a comb that was sitting on a table at his campaign headquarters and used it on himself. "This has been a crazy campaign, but that was by far the most insane thing I've witnessed so far," said campaign staffer Chip Beaverton. "He looked, I don't know, his hair was nice and even. He looked, um, respectable? As crazy as that is to say, it's nothing compared to what happened next." According to witnesses at the scene Senator Sanders calmly walked out of the...

Former Secretary of State and current Contender for the Democratic presidential nomination Hillary Clinton told voters this week that "the right to an abortion is a fundamental human right guaranteed by the US Constitution" and that "neither Congress nor any state has the authority to abridge or limit this right." The Constitutional clause cited by the candidate was Article III, Section 2. "The Founders, in their wisdom, affirmed that under our government, 'judicial power shall extend to all,'" Clinton said. "This established the Court as the final arbiter of everyone's rights. Consequently, the Court's 1973 grant of the right to...

Karl Rove, former campaign adviser to President George W. Bush, suggested that "Republicans need to look outside the current crop of candidates vying for the Party's nomination and pick a 'fresh face' if we are to have any hope of winning against Hillary Clinton in November." "Look, the guy with the most delegates is a gaffe machine with little grasp of the way government works," Rove contended. "On top of that he has disturbingly negative favorability ratings. A majority of voters can't stand him. I don't see any way he can win in November." "As for the others who've run...

I am letting you be among the first to know. It is true. I am leaving the Catholic Church. I want you to know that this has not been a decision made in haste or without serious and intense research and consideration. But I can no longer remain in a church that I no longer believe in. Let me explain. I will be writing more about this soon, but for now let me just say there are five main reasons why I am leaving the Catholic Church: 1. I believe the sole rule of faith for Christians has to be...

Took a break from this stuff for a while and during that time I got an idea to try something new. Hope you guys like it. --- While at a campaign stop a bald eagle confuses Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump's hair for a nest and proceeded to make a home on his head. Initially viewed as a threat offers by members of the audience to shoot the bird clean off his head were rejected by Trump, who ultimately welcomed the bird to make his home on what he deemed to be prime real estate. "I've been so focused on the campaign...

This morning, a high-ranking Chick-Fil-A employee leaked the news to a small group of bloggers that the restaurant will soon open seven days a week. (Silent scream!) Historically, the famed Southern chicken chain has adamantly refused to open on Sundays, citing a conflict with its Christian values, but widespread customer demand, impending expansion plans, and a still-flagging economy have caused executives to reconsider that policy. “Our customers have been asking for this for a long time, and we just can’t say no any longer,” the source, speaking on the condition of anonymity, explained. The expanded hours will apply to each...

LOUISVILLE, KY—By a nearly unanimous vote, the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA) voted to overlook or explicitly endorse a number of additional sins in what is being perceived as an attempt to slow its rapid pace of membership decline. As balloons came down, the PC(USA) commissioners danced in the aisles to the Kool & The Gang 1980 party standard Celebrate and some attendees openly wept for joy as the denomination announced their official endorsement of pride, gossip, sorcery, covetousness, theft, and sexual immorality as a general category. “Finally,” sobbed self-described “open gossiper” attendee Rebecca Arnett. “I no longer...

Unlocked iPhone Worthless After F.B.I. Spills Glass of Water on It — by Andy Borowitz — The New Yorker — The Borowitz Report. Link only due to copyright issue.

Last week, former President Bill urged voters to "escape from the awful legacy of the last eight years by electing Hillary." This week Chelsea Clinton blasted "the crushing costs of Obamacare" and hinted that her mother "would take executive action to amend the law that established this medical monstrosity." Observers of Secretary Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign may perceive an incongruity between her contention that "electing me will solidify the gains achieved by one of America's great presidents" and the less complimentary remarks of her immediate family members. Nonetheless, Democratic National Committee Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Fla) tried to reassure everyone...

The economically illiterate battle for the Democratic presidential nomination continued this past week with both candidates pledging to repeal the "out-dated law of supply and demand." Hillary vowed to enact a $12 per hour minimum wage if she wins her way to the White House later this year. "Republican insistence that raising the cost of employing workers will cause fewer workers to be employed is nonsense," she declared. "If a business needs workers it has to pay whatever it takes to ensure it has enough employees to operate." "The idea that a mere price increase would deter a purchase is...

The Council Against Inhumanity to Rodents (CAIR) today announced that even though not all of the millions of Rodents on Earth are Rats, and even though not all Rats are rabid, all rats are being mercilessly disparaged due to the un-Rat actions of a few. Ratophobia must cease!(Please see also, USA Today: U.S. cities face anti-Muslim backlash and Obama Praises “Enormous” Muslim Contributions to Our Country.) Sadly, there was recently a deplorable incident in which a poor, disenfranchised Muslim woman was bitten by a rat. While hard at work in the kitchen preparing the evening meal for her beloved husband, an Islamophobic Rat...

The Obama Administration’s Department of Health and Human Services is adamantly arguing in a case before the Supreme Court (Zubik v. Burwell) that there can be no exemption for the Little Sisters of the Poor from the Obamacare mandate requiring all health insurance to cover abortions. This is despite the fact that HHS has issued such exemptions to several non-religious organizations including ExxonMobil, Chevron, Visa Inc. and PepsiCo. “It’s a basic question of respect for authority,” explained Secretary Sylvia Burwell. “The corporations we exempted acknowledged that the supreme authority lies with the government. The Little Sisters, in contrast, claim to...

The latest Islamic atrocity entailing the bombing of an airport and train station in Belgium has inspired US President Barack Obama to launch what is being called a "taunting offensive" against the Islamic State. "We will beat them by saying 'you are not strong, you are weak,'" Obama said. The President praised his own behavior as a model for all Americans to follow. "Rather than ranting in rage and threatening them with retaliation as the GOP candidates currently campaigning for president did, I mocked the terrorists by going to a baseball game with Cuban President Raul Castro and tangoing in...

In a speech to Argentinian youths, President Obama characterized the long-running battle between capitalism and communism as "an interesting intellectual argument that should have no bearing on public policy. Rather than get hung up on the supposed moral differences between these rival ideas we should focus on what works." "Whether an unequally shared abundance is superior to a universally shared poverty is not a settled issue," the President asserted. "The United States has historically opted for free enterprise and individual rights, but can we really say that it has made its people happy? I just visited Cuba, which chose a...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTbkbH3x7LQ

The picnic was supposed to celebrate the capabilities of women in a safe, women-only environment, but things didn’t quite go as planned. With the sun hanging high in the sky it seemed to be perfect weather for a picnic. But the seven proud feminist friends were in for a big surprise when none of them brought any food at all.