Keyword: satire
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Due to copyright complaints I cannot excerpt anything.
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The American tradition of celebrating Independence Day with fireworks and barbeques may be living on borrowed time. The Environmental Protection Agency is working on new regulations that could put a serious dent in the festivities. Strict new standards for ozone could bar most fireworks displays and some backyard BBQs. EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy derided the idea that traditional modes of celebrating July 4th merited any special consideration. "Clean air is too important to play second-fiddle to abuses that result in needless pollution," McCarthy contended. "Given our modern technology there are surely more environmentally-friendly ways of celebrating this annual event." The...
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Oregon Labor Commissioner Brad Avakian finalized his order requiring Aaron and Melissa Klein, bakers who refused to make a cake for a same-sex wedding, to pay $135,000 in emotional damages to the couple they denied service. When the Kleins attempted to defend their religious objections in a radio interview, Avakian issued a "gag order" forbidding them from speaking publicly on the topic. Avakian dismissed the "freedom of speech" claim, insisting that "Oregon's statute outlaws refusals to serve customers based on their sexual orientation. For them to try to continue the argument after I have already ruled against them shows contempt...
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In a surprising last minute effort to solve his country's overwhelming financial crisis, Greek PM Tsipris proposed that his nation merge with US protectorate Puerto Rico. Tsipris said this would immediately solve Greece's financial problems, as Obama will no doubt soon move to bail out Puerto Rico, and Greece would, as part of the new nation, be included.
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In Kansas, Shawnee County District Court Judge Larry Hendricks issued an order blocking that state’s ban on abortions carried out by tearing the baby limb-from-limb while still in the womb. The Judge’s order came in response to a lawsuit filed by the New York-based Center for Reproductive Rights on behalf of Dr. Herbert Hodes and Dr. Traci Nauser—a father-daughter team of abortionists. “To allow this law to go into effect while the matter is being litigated would deprive the plaintiffs of their livelihood,” Hendricks said. “It would inflict irreparable harm and injury to their recognized right to ply their trade.”...
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This really is disturbing...
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In a 5-4 decision, the US Supreme Court ruled that “victims of discrimination need not prove intent, disparate outcomes alone are evidence of illegal discrimination.” In a case where lending practices of banks were being contested, Justice Anthony Kennedy swept aside any need to show conscious intent to discriminate. “A bank may assert that ability to repay a loan is an objective criterion for making a loan, and so it would seem on the surface. But what if the ability to repay is unequally distributed along racial lines? That would mean that more whites than Blacks would receive loans. That’s...
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In what IRS officials are calling a one-in-a-million fluke, the precise emails subpoenaed by Congress in its investigation of IRS discrimination against the President’s political opponents were exactly the ones inadvertently erased by IRS employees. Lost are over 400 back-up tapes containing 24,000 emails to and from Lois Lerner—the IRS employee believed to have orchestrated the discriminatory treatment. Commissioner John Koskinen speculated that “our rather lengthy chain-of-command provided multiple opportunities for miscommunication somewhere along the line. It is not inconceivable that an instruction to ‘not erase’ may have been forwarded as ‘erase.’ The rest is, as we say, history. Nothing...
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While Dylan Roof may have wanted to see his murder of nine members of a South Carolina church Bible studies session inspire a race war, the aftermath has taken a different turn. Photos of Roof holding a Confederate flag have led to calls for the removal of this “odious symbol of oppression” from American life. All over the South, Confederate flags are being taken down from state houses, public parks, and memorials. At the Gettysburg National Historic Park all Confederate symbols have been taken down. Park Director Thomas Jackson asserted that “for too long we’ve accorded the treasonous rabble that...
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Obama takes his new dog "Roberts" out for a walkBarack Obama has decided to run for a third term (at least) as President of the United States. President Obama is beginning the process to amend the Constitution to allow him to run for a third term. WWN learned that the White House and President Obama’s campaign machine have a “foolproof” plan for the President to successfully achieve a third (and perhaps a fourth) term in office. At one time Obama planned to amend the Constitution: “President Obama only faces opposition in the House,” a White House insider told WWN....
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Acknowledging that the original Affordable Care Act "was so poorly written as to be utterly infeasible in its implementation," Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts took "the liberty of rewriting it to correct its deficiencies." "If we were to confine ourselves to the plain language of the statute, subsidies would be available to only those states that established their own health care exchanges," Roberts wrote. "In hindsight, relying upon the statutory text would doom the plan because only a minority of states established the required exchanges. Rather than allow Congress' inability to accurately forecast state behavior to undermine this signature...
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Major hotel and retail chains today initiated a massive recall of racist white sheets from their hotels and stores. Complaints had been made by His Arrogance President Obama, Sort of Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, several prominent Harvard professors, and a slew of simpering Progressive and Dept. of Just Us opportunists that white sheets were racist and caused hate crimes. In several high end hotels black maids refused to remove the racist white sheets and hazmat teams were hired to perform the tasks. Racist white sheets will be replaced with PC sheets of color. Several low end motel chains...
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Despite former Clinton administration official Robert Reich’s reservations about “the apparent impropriety of a husband of a potential future president accepting money from foreign governments and big corporations for ‘speeches’ that hardly seem worth listening to, much less paying for,” key Democrats think its okay. “Bringing money into America from a foreign government boosts our economy,” said Rep. Stephen Lynch (D-Mass). “If it’s trying to buy a policy that Hillary was going to follow anyway, well, that’s just ‘found money.’ And if it’s for a policy that Hillary doesn’t like, well, she can always welsh on the deal.” “People have...
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In 2014, under the leadership of John Kerry, 248 sexual harassment cases were filed at the US Department of State. This is considerably higher than the 88 cases filed in 2011 under the leadership of Hillary Clinton. Kerry attributed the bulge in complaints to “employees’ misunderstanding of new training protocols I’ve introduced. It is not a scandal.” According to the Secretary, the new protocols “involve intentionally stressful interactions carried out under my orders. If you’re going to work for the Department you must learn skills of diplomacy. Being diplomatic in circumstances where everyone behaves politely and appropriately is no challenge....
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Several special interest groups have come together to protest Father's Day as a day of discrimination, as it allegedly stacks the deck against those women who are unable to become fathers, as well against those men who have chosen not to. "It's like an annual poke in the eye," said one concerned citizen, who did not wish to be self-identified as a member of any particular orientation nor gender. "As Michelle Obama recently said, the time has come to reconsider our traditions and reexamine our historical perspectives in order to accommodate this new generation who may not wish to glorify...
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Belgium passed its Euthanasia Act in 2002. A study published in this month’s Journal of Medical Ethics by Raphael Cohen-Almagor revealed that despite the law’s requirement that patients voluntarily give their consent to the procedure, many are euthanized without giving consent. The decision to euthanize was not discussed with the patient in nearly 80% of the cases of patients over 80 years old. Dr. Pierre Tueur estimated that “I have probably performed more than 300 of these procedures on patients incapable of giving informed consent. In cases where the patient is unconscious, demented, or unreasonably frightened of death, I feel...
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Real estate baron and reality TV star Donald Trump threw his hat into the ring in the race for the 2016 GOP presidential nomination this week. In his announcement in front of a crowd—many of whom were paid $50 apiece to cheer him on—Trump pledged to secure government entitlements. “With the other Republicans in the race, you never know whether they might end up cutting or privatizing Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid,” Trump alleged. “Right here and right now I’m promising that these programs will be fully funded for as long as there is money to pay for them.” Trump...
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Dismissed from his post at NBC's Nightly News for making up stories, Brian Williams has been reassigned to the company's floundering cable channel where he has vowed "to reclaim my reputation, one viewer at a time." Whether Williams will be able to accomplish was thrown into doubt by his stubborn insistence that his on-the-air fabrications "weren't intended to mislead people." "Fiction isn't inherently untrue," Williams observed. "Many novels and movies portray deeper truths via fictional characters and events. We don't deride Mark Twain or Steven Spielberg for making up stuff. While I don't claim to be as good at it...
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Parody: Jeb Bush Speaks In Spanish About The Importance Of Speaking In English "If they haven't committed murder, is it really fair to deport?" Pedro Gonzales - June 17, 2015 A parody of a Jeb Bush interview: ( Click image for video)
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The scientific world was shocked and outraged today when the long-awaited papal encyclical on climate change, De haeretico comburendo, was leaked by seasoned Vatican watcher Sandro Magister. Magister was immediately stripped of his press accreditation. In a scathing attack on what he will call ‘the climate change industry’, Pope Francis will claim that recorded changes over recent years are well within generally accepted margins of error, and that evidence that they are primarily caused by human activity are ‘highly speculative and almost certainly exaggerated’. The Pope will call for the resources of global finance now being devoted to lowering greenhouse...
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