EPA Mulling Rules against Fireworks, BBQs [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Jul 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The American tradition of celebrating Independence Day with fireworks and barbeques may be living on borrowed time. The Environmental Protection Agency is working on new regulations that could put a serious dent in the festivities. Strict new standards for ozone could bar most fireworks displays and some backyard BBQs.

EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy derided the idea that traditional modes of celebrating July 4th merited any special consideration. "Clean air is too important to play second-fiddle to abuses that result in needless pollution," McCarthy contended. "Given our modern technology there are surely more environmentally-friendly ways of celebrating this annual event."

The Administrator suggested that "electronic light shows are less polluting and, in my opinion, a more forward looking way of achieving the same end. Likewise, who really needs to barbeque on the Fourth, or any other day, for that matter? Grilling is an unhealthy way to cook for reasons beyond the air pollution it causes. Besides, people should be eating more steamed vegetables and less meat for their own health."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,173914.0.html

[arthurus]

I believe the EPA has already made a ruling against backyard BBQs. I remember wondering how they were going to enforce it, not doubting that eventually they will.

[Undecided 2012]

We don’t use propane or charcoal, we use red oak smoked. I wish ya could have seen my son’s reation when I read the satire and turned to my son and said, “starting in January the EPA says you can only use a solar grill.”
It was precious.

[molson209]

Celebrations and Fun ,You can’t Has It

[ozzymandus]

Not really satire anymore. Lots of places are banning fireworks and some are banning outdoor grilling.

[ViLaLuz]

I was at a NATO command that required the purchase of a $40 permit before you could use an outdoor grill. This was in Afghanistan that already had the most foul of air quality. Needless to say their stupid rule was difficult to enforce and many thumbed their noses at it.