Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • McCain Says He Won't Be Bought [semi-satire]

    06/27/2017 10:40:46 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 20 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 June 2017 | John Semmens
    Disclosure this week that George Soros, financier of international leftist agitation, has donated to Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain's Institute for International Leadership has sparked some of the Senator's critics to question his judgment. In a bid to reassure everyone that he can "take money from anyone without compromising my principals," McCain pointed out that "I have taken millions of dollars from Republican donors without letting them influence my views. In fact, the Institute was initially funded with $9 million in campaign donations that I never spent. The $100,000 Soros gave the Institute is tiny in comparison. So, I think...
  • Liberal Conflation

    06/27/2017 5:15:29 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 2 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 6-27-17 | MOTUS
    Bernie Sanders and his wife are being investigated by the Federal Bureau of Matters for bank fraud.Converted into today’s Democratic talking point:“But, but, but…Donald Trump still hasn’t released his taxes! And he said ‘pussy!””Oh, and the Supreme Court upheld most of President Donald J. Trump’s travel ban – unanimously. Let’s not talk about that!Posted from: MOTUS A.D.
  • CNN is Having a Bad Week; The Trump Administration Should Make it Worse

    06/27/2017 4:03:43 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 14 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.27.2017 | David Blackmon
    Two fake reporters and a fake editor resigned from CNN on Monday amid the fallout from the #fakenews network’s having to retract and apologize for yet another fake story on what it likes to call “RussiaGate”. Interestingly, one of the fake reporters, a guy named Eric Lichtbau, had recently come to CNN from the equally fake NYTimes. Apparently, infesting the already fake CNN with the “standards” of the NYTimes only served to compound fakery on top of fakery. But don’t worry about CNN – journalism schools turn out thousands of great fake journalists every semester, so they’ll be able to...
  • Quake Alert Comes 92 Years Late [semi-satire]

    06/26/2017 12:36:31 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 June 2017 | John Semmens
    This past week the U.S. Geological Survey sent out an email alert warning of a 6.8 magnitude earthquake near Santa Barbara, California. A 6.8 magnitude is considered a "strong" quake and likely to cause moderate to severe damage to poorly constructed buildings. The fact that the alert was for an event that occurred in 1925 caused many to question the timeliness of the USGS warning. USGS Director Suzette Kimball acknowledged that "while the specific utility of this particular alert was low, we shouldn't discount the progress our Agency has made in the way of early warnings. The fact that we...
  • Megyn Kelley: Poor Little Bitch Girl

    06/26/2017 5:06:09 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 54 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 6-26-17 | MOTUS
    Megyn, Megyn, Megyn: exactly how long did you think you could remain airborne once you lost your lift? Thomas Lifson, editor and publisher of American Thinker documents her mercurial rise and equally impressive descent. Which taboo did Miss Megyn violate that caused her abandonment by both conservative and liberal viewers?  Does it even matter?  Mr. Lifson points out that taboos, especially in the arena of “news” are a funny thing: “undesirability is a subjective concept, shaped by self-interest.” Megyn reported and viewers of all stripes decided.As commenter Terrence Appleby Allston suggested, this may explain Megyn’s situation: Ezekiel 16:28 "Thou hast played...
  • CNN Slathers More Lipstick On Its Fakenews Pig

    06/26/2017 4:59:21 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 7 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.26.2017 | David Blackmon
    The breathless headline at Buzzfeed this morning reads “CNN Is Imposing Strict New Rules On Its Russia Coverage”. Wow. “Strict new rules,” huh? What must those be? Well, if you read the actual story itself – which we know that most of Buzzfeed’s short attention-span browsers won’t, you find that these “strict new rules” involve CNN’s fake journalists having to – gasp! – check with a couple of editors before rushing their unsourced fake stories to the CNN fakenews website. What this tell us, if you understand what’s happening here, is that, prior to the issuance of this memo, CNN’s...
  • Joe Scarborough: “Mystified” Too Much or Not Enough?

    06/25/2017 5:31:25 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 16 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 6-25-17 | MOTUS
    Is there anything more embarrassing than a 50+ year old’s mid-life crisis?  And who wouldn’t want to listen to a 50-something with hair from the 50’s autotune his way through a Trump bashing original song?  Answer: No. Take Joe Scarborough for example - the ex-congressman current MSNBC talking head. He tackles the really important things in life: playing in a rock band, cutting an EP, “Mystified” and making a really cool video singing an edgy song bashing…that’s right,TRUMP! How clever is that? In one scene from the video, a disillusioned and disinterested Brzezinski and Scarborough stare emotionless as a nuclear...
  • CalExit is Dead in Name Only

    06/25/2017 5:30:06 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 22 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.25.2017 | David Blackmon
    The whole “CalExit” secession movement might be dead for the time being, but California’s radical leftist political class remains intent on separating their state from the rest of the U.S. in every way imaginable. Despite being so near insolvency that Governor Jerry Brown has had to beg the federal government for massive monetary assistance no fewer than four times during the first half of 2017, the state’s Attorney General, the execrable Xavier Becerra, announced on Friday that he was adding four more states to California’s own travel ban. This travel ban prevents state employees from traveling to other states in...
  • Johnson Says DNC Refused DHS Help [fake satire]

    06/24/2017 2:12:50 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 June 2017 | John Semmens
    This week, former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson testified before the House Intelligence Committee. Johnson became the latest former Obama Administration official to verify that there is no evidence of collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russians. Perhaps more relevant, however, was his puzzlement at the Democratic National Committee’s refusal of his proffer of assistance in the wake of their computers being hacked. “Considering what was at stake, I would have thought that putting the federal government’s expertise into play to protect the DNC’s confidential communications was a ‘no-brainer,’” Johnson said. “But despite my entreaties and offers...
  • FBI Asserts Shootings at GOP Baseball Practice "Random Violence" [fake satire]

    06/24/2017 10:39:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 June 2017 | John Semmens
    At a press briefing this week, Tim Slater, who leads the criminal division of the FBI's Washington field office, endeavored mightily to portray last week's assault on dozens of Republicans gathered to practice for a charity baseball game as a "purely spontaneous and random act of violence." Slater dismissed the testimony of witnesses who identified the shooter as the same man who moments earlier asked them if the men practicing were Republicans or Democrats as "insufficient to determine intent. Granted, he did go on to fire numerous rounds at these men, but we have no way of knowing whether he...
  • This Is What It Looks Like When Democrats “Tone Down The Rhetoric”

    06/24/2017 6:10:19 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 12 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.24.2017 | David Blackmon
    - The Fake Indian Sen. From Massachussets – aka, Little Big Mouth Warren – responded to the GOP plan to repeal and replace the collapsing Obamacare system by calling it “blood money.” - Not to be outdone, shameless Senator Richard “Stolen Valor” Blumenthal claimed that “Senate Republicans want to gut Medicaid – throwing children and families who rely on it to the wolves” and “The Republicans’ health care plan will literally cost American lives.” - Chuck Schumer was tame by comparison: “The Senate Republican health care bill is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Only this wolf has even sharper teeth...
  • The Red Tide

    06/24/2017 4:48:00 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 5 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 6-24-17 | MOTUS
    Red Tide: noun 1. a discoloration of seawater caused by a bloom (large concentrations of aquatic microorganisms) of toxic red dinoflagellates. It is caused by microscopic algae that produce toxins that kill fish and make shellfish dangerous to eat 2. a discoloration of  facts caused by a bloom (large concentrations of media microorganisms) of toxic anti-red state journalists. It is caused by microbial scum that produce toxic fake news  red alerts about Russian hacking in hopes of killing Trump’s presidency and making Republicans dangerous to elect. By daylight  you can see this scourge for what it actually is: a...
  • Dems Stunned by Ossoff Loss in Georgia [fake satire]

    06/23/2017 4:34:28 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 June 2017 | John Semmens
    In an election once widely touted by Democrats as "a referendum on the Trump presidency," Democrat Jon Ossoff lost to Republican Karen Handel in Georgia's 6th congressional district race. Ossoff nearly won the race in April's open primary—garnering twice as many votes as his nearest competitor—but fell short of the 50% +1 vote majority required. Democrats were also buoyed by a five-to-one campaign spending edge and polls showing Ossoff with a comfortable lead (on the Monday before election day, Democratic polling guru Nate Silver gave Ossoff a 70% chance of winning). Some Democrats blamed Ossoff's attempt to appeal to moderates...
  • Kremlin to Approve All Future Trump Tweets

    06/23/2017 12:49:30 PM PDT · by Sean_Anthony · 5 replies
    Canada Free Press ^ | 06/23/17 | Andrew Benjamin
    Satire: CNN-New York —Jake Tapper, CNN’s host, raised the two newspapers for CNN’s audiences to see and said: “Today’s New York Times and Washington Post in a joint front page announcement wrote: “From confidential and anonymous inside sources from the insiders in our newsrooms, we have confirmed without a doubt, the existence of a new Kremlin insider policy that will require Donald Trump to check in first with our editors for his speeches and get his Tweets pre-approved by Vladimir Putin himself.”
  • Canadian Gun Porn Friday

    06/23/2017 4:51:13 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 22 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 6-23-17 | MOTUS
    As we continue to reflect on the Canadian cool factor, Drudge reports: A sniper with Canada's elite special forces in Iraq has shattered the world record for the longest confirmed kill shot in military history at a staggering distance of 3,450 metres.Sources say a member of Joint Task Force 2 killed an Islamic State insurgent with a McMillan TAC-50 sniper rifle…It took under 10 seconds to hit the target."The shot in question actually disrupted a Daesh [Islamic State] attack on Iraqi security forces," said a military source, who stressed the operation fell within the strictures of the government's advise and...
  • The Perils of Pelosi

    06/23/2017 4:30:23 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 29 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.23.2017 | David Blackmon
    Oh, noes! Not Nancy! – San Fran Nan, defending herself from a rising movement to replace her as House Minority Leader in the wake of Tuesday’s humiliating loss in Georgia’s HD 6, held a bumbling, stumbling, mumbling press conference on Thursday. During the presser, she repeated herself constantly, flailed about for words, and finally blurted out the following: “I always, always, always quote Martin Luther King in so many ways. But in this score, he said, Dr. Mar— he said, the ballot, the ballot, the ballot, legislation, legislation, legislation, your life, your life, your life.” Trouble, Dr. King never said...
  • Jake Tapper Doesn’t Even Know When He’s Been Trump-Trolled

    06/22/2017 10:45:10 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 29 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.22.2017 | David Blackmon
    President Trump just announced he does not have any tapes of his conversations with James Comey. Jake Tapper, obvious confused, gets on Twitter, re-tweets the Tweet in which Trump had warned Comey he’d better hope there are no tapes, and says this: “This is the tweet that started this whole thing. Followed by more than a month of WH refusals to confirm or deny he made tapes. Why?” These fake journalists are so dim-witted they can’t even figure out when they’ve been trolled by the President of the United States. Epic.
  • Trump Finally Tells The World About The Comey Tapes!

    06/22/2017 10:12:46 AM PDT · by HarleyLady27 · 22 replies
    Redstate Watcher ^ | June 22, 2017 | Staff
    Donald J. Trump ✔ ‎@realDonaldTrump With all of the recently reported electronic surveillance, intercepts, unmasking and illegal leaking of information, I have no idea... 10:54 AM - 22 Jun 2017
  • Girl Wearing Maga Hat Chews Gum, Causes Fake Media Meltdown

    06/22/2017 4:44:53 AM PDT · by EyesOfTX · 70 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 6.22.2017 | David Blackmon
    President Trump held a rally in Iowa and said all sorts of great and hilarious stuff, but all the fake reporters in the fake news media could focus on in their social media rantings was the the three teenage girls right behind Trump. Seems they were all in the TV picture through the duration of the speech, and they all – gasp! – were chewing gum. Why, the nerve of teenage girls to chew gum! Of course, one of the girls was wearing a red “Make America Great Again” cap, which naturally triggered the snowflake fake journalists into their daily...
  • Don’t Axe Me Bro!

    06/22/2017 4:22:04 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 3 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 6-22-17 | MOTUS
    We pause in the  Trump! Russia! Trump! Russia!  coverage to ponder over what it is about Canada that makes it so cool. Maybe it’s the hot, metrosexual PM Justin Trudeau. Or maybe it’s his counterpoint: the toques and music of the Great White North.Cooo, loo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coo, coooo!But for the moment, everything Canadian is too cool for school. Take the hot new sport sweeping Colorado, Axe Throwing: A new sport is coming to Denver: Ax throwing. Two recreational ax-throwing venues opening this summer are trying to prove that Canadian backyard shenanigans can be as popular as bowling...