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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Boehner Warns GOP Voters Against Cruz [semi-satire]

    09/02/2015 8:34:17 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) warned voters against falling for GOP presidential candidate Sen. Ted Cruz’s “siren song of feel-good, but politically unviable policy prescriptions.” Boehner’s remarks came at a Colorado fund-raising event. “Securing the border, defunding Planned Parenthood, killing the deal with Iran may sound good to unsophisticated ears, but they aren’t going to go anywhere,” Boehner told wealthy donors. “President Obama is going to block all of these notions. If we follow Cruz we get nothing. If we go along with the President we stand a chance of getting a piece of the action.” The “piece of the...
  • Operation Jaded Helmet - Briga-Dear General "Uncle" Ruthie Fabulous (Satire)

    09/03/2015 11:01:35 AM PDT · by Reverend Saltine · 8 replies
    RightWingConservativeNews.com ^ | September 3, 2015 | RightWingConservativeNews.com
    (SATIRE) OPERATION JADED HELMET: Operational Modus FROM: Briga-Dear General, “Uncle” Ruthie Fabulous, 102nd GLBT Brigade MEMO: Guys, gals, and transgendered whatever: The following instructions are provided to assist you in-country as we benevolently mix and meld undetected with the indigenous people of New Mexico. We are there to earn their hearts and minds and Master the Human Domain, whatever that may mean (truthfully, guys, and whoever, they won’t tell me what it means.) NOTE: New Mexico is just to the left of Texas, or Tejas. It is not the regular Mexico. Not yet, away. Operational Modus 1. Never try to...
  • Hillary files for divorce. "Bill was cheating on me." A last-gasp play for sympathy? (Satire)

    09/03/2015 9:31:11 AM PDT · by ken5050 · 42 replies
    one man's opinion...
    Amidst an ever-growing scandal about her private email system, and multiple national security violations, Hillary Clinton today Tweeted that she had finally had enough of Bill's philandering ways and had filed for divorce.
  • Dr. Carbon: “He’s got a Law Degree, a pen and a phone”

    09/03/2015 6:16:49 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 1 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 9-3-2015 | MOTUS
    The world is filled with frauds; for instance, there’s NPR’s “Dr.” Science who, it turns out, is not a doctor and doesn’t know very much about science either: Ask Dr. Science is a daily broadcast on many public radio stations, using a format that mixes elements of a commercial bumper and a public service announcement. A concerned citizen asks a question, which is answered by an expert, "Dr. Science." Not surprisingly, the questions are never answered correctly, and are often little more than a launching point for a non sequitur monologue from Dr. Science. The show's motto is "He knows...
  • College students in Memphis have "evolved" beyond gender with a new pronoun...

    09/02/2015 4:06:23 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 51 replies
    American Irony ^ | 9-2-15 | The Looking Spoon
    The western world is going to have to change the way it measures history. We had Before Christ (BC) and anno Domini (AD)...and now we have After Sanity (AS). I don't know when we should mark it's beginning, 2008? 2012? If we're not going to base it on Obama's election then at a minimum we're in the year 1 AS. The reasons are many, the Iran nuke deal, the Jenner formerly known as Bruce, Miley Cyrus in general...or maybe we'll just go with this: The University of Tennessee in Knoxville is ditching gendered pronouns. According to the university, students and...
  • Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Constitution

    09/02/2015 2:46:44 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 1 replies
    American Irony ^ | 9-2-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • Declassified Gefilte Fish: It Still Smells

    09/02/2015 5:54:25 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 7 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 9-2-2015 | MOTUS
    As it turns out the classified information contained in Hilz emails is not even the good part; it’s the non-classified emails that are more entertaining:From “Instructions for the Help” email: the obligatory “Happy New Year, little people,” followed by assignments -  menu planning, skim milk, Human Rights Watch report, air time for Parks and Recreation and The Good Wife. That pretty much wraps up the Secretary of State’s priorities for 2010. Oh, and gefilte fish:When released, this one led to some fun on Twitchy:Butt let’s return for a moment to the gravlax gravitas of the classified emails processed on the...
  • Hump-Day Humor

    09/02/2015 2:42:35 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 5 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 02 September 2015 | Reaganite Republican
    \ More at Reaganite Republican
  • Obie Takes a Hike....

    09/01/2015 7:49:53 PM PDT · by MeshugeMikey · 19 replies
    self ^ | Sept 1, 2015 | MeshugeMikey
  • Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Socialism

    09/01/2015 11:00:35 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 9 replies
    American Irony ^ | 9-1-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • I Find This Whole Pronoun Affair Cisgusting**

    09/01/2015 4:17:52 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 12 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 9-1-2015 | MOTUS
    There’s a lot of other stuff going on in the world, butt for some reason I can’t seem to move on from this  gender/pronoun/identity issue. Once I discovered it’s a real thing, I became mesmerized. No longer constrained to he/she/it, you now have at least 182 (and counting) pronouns to choose from, in 6 different categories (see below). So if you think you’ve negotiated the waters of the whole gender pronoun issue just because you’ve nailed the proper grammatical construct of the gender neutral “xe,”well, let’s just say it’s a little early to be patting zemself on the back.And that’s...
  • 9 Things Obama would say while playing Monopoly…

    08/31/2015 2:27:24 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 29 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-31-15 | The Looking Spoon
    I haven't played Monopoly in a long time, so I'm a bit hazy on the exact rules, but I do remember it's a game of business deals and handling money responsibly so you don't go broke. Given that, this could actually be any Democrat sitting there.
  • Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Money

    08/31/2015 11:27:57 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 1 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-31-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • Pick Your Pronoun, Pick Your Life.

    08/31/2015 6:30:20 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 3 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-31-2015 | MOTUS
    Behold your next savior, America! Appearing in the large persona of none other than Kanye (Hi, my name is Kanye and my pronoun is “ye”) West. Having finally won VMA’s Video of the Year Award, ye’s now set yis sights on yis next achievement: President of the United States. Because, why not? “And yes, as you probably could have guessed by this moment, I have decided in 2020 to run for president.” Yeezy got all dressed up to accept his award, and announce his next.In his 10 minute announcement speech Ye waxed eloquently about his regrets over his previous bad...
  • Say what you will about Trump...

    08/30/2015 3:13:50 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 65 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-30-15 | The Looking Spoon
    I'm not a Trump supporter, but he's definitely making things fun.
  • MOTUS 2016 GOP “Sweet 16” Battle: Brackets “B” & “F”

    08/30/2015 6:00:24 AM PDT · by NOBO2012
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-30-2015 | MOTUS
    Before we dive into the next Republican bracket contest, just an observation or two from the other camp. This is really a wakeup call for Hilz: never, ever, underestimate Crazy Uncle Joe. He may look, sound and act like an idiot,CodeWord: classified idiotbutt how do you think he got to be Vice President with that portfolio? That’s right, he kissed the ring too, baby.“Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.”So watch your back honey:even your goons might be rendered powerless.Butt let’s move on to the GOP gambit, shall we?...
  • Reaganite's SUNDAY FUNNIES

    08/30/2015 3:40:50 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 7 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 30 August 2015 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • Another way to look at one man's trash being another man's treasure...

    08/29/2015 3:54:13 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 1 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-29-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • Offensive Asian Jokes Matter

    08/29/2015 5:53:34 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 23 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-29-2013 | MOTUS
    Just because I was bored, I Googled “Trump” and the results were predictable; on the first page of results, 90% negative and 10% neutral. It’s hard to understand how his poll numbers keep going up when he’s so unpopular. It’s probably something like the Yogi Berra phenomenon, “Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.”This was my favorite headline from the whole crop: Donald Trump Mocks Asians: Uses Broken English While Speaking About China & Japan - Hollywood Life. Because, you know, Hollywood would never THINK of mocking Asians.The media just doesn’t get The Donald yet: political correctness is really not...
  • Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Teabagger

    08/28/2015 11:22:05 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 7 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-28-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • The Duplicitous Iranian Nuclear Deal Explained In 30 Words or Less

    08/28/2015 5:03:42 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 4 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-28-2015 | MOTUS
    “What we know is that the number of people who die from gun-related incidents around this country dwarfs any deaths that happen through terrorism.” – President Obama, regarding the WDBJ Shooting Well,finally! That explains the Obama/Kerry duplicitous Iranian Nuclear deal.** Barry wants to level the playing field!GlockNuclear bomb **Duplicitous Iranian Nuclear Deal explained in 30 words or less: How about I give you my new car for your old shoe?And remember: Guns didn’t kill six million Jews; butt their government did.Posted from: Michelle Obama’s Mirror
  • TGIF 'toons

    08/28/2015 3:18:29 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 10 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 28 August 2015 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • Oh boy, I would pay to see Obama get one of these...

    08/27/2015 5:30:20 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 10 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-27-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • The Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Debate

    08/27/2015 10:22:12 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 4 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-27-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • More INSIDER Hillary Campaign Images!! F.R. Exclusive!!

    08/27/2015 9:42:39 AM PDT · by MeshugeMikey · 18 replies
    Self ^ | August 27, 2015 | MeshugeMikey
  • Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

    08/27/2015 7:58:31 AM PDT · by smoothsailing · 21 replies
    The Peoples Cube ^ | 8-21-2015 | Red Square
    The People's Cube - Political SatireThePeoplesCube.com Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga By Red Square | 8/21/2015, 5:28 pm While the Federal Bureau of Investigations is still at a loss regarding the content of Hillary Clinton's e-mail cache from her days as secretary of state, one thing they have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt is that the Democratic presidential frontrunner is a diligent distance-education yoga student. Emailing yoga routines are standard practice in distance education, said Mrs. Clinton's online yoga instructor Maha Bharata through an interpreter. He claims that over the years he...
  • Trump: Willing To Kill The Constitution In Order To Save It? I’m OK With That.

    08/27/2015 6:18:48 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 144 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-27-2015 | MOTUS
    Every day the media is filled with talking heads perplexed by the phenomenal success of The Donald. They’ve no idea what is fueling his popularity, which in itself is indicative of their disconnect from the reality of our day-to-day existence. With a new poll showing The Donald in the lead among Republican candidates with a 40% share, heads are beginning to explode and shaky legs are beginning to crumble under the pollsters.“This is real. I’m having trouble processing it. Like, my legs are shaking.” - TimeThe only people more surprised about the appeal of The Donald than the media are...
  • Biden has already introduced his 2016 running mate...

    08/26/2015 2:53:37 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 23 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-26-15 | The Looking Spoon
    ;-P
  • Announcing the 2015-16 Yahoo! Football Pick'em Fantasy League

    08/26/2015 12:54:27 PM PDT · by texas booster · 17 replies
    Yahoo! Fantasy Sports ^ | Aug 26 2015 | Texas Booster
    For about the 12th year, one of Free Republic's members is pleased to create a Yahoo! Pick'em Fantasy Football league. The league rules are simple: ** Pick the winners of each game ** Assign a confidence value to each game ** Post messages to each other on the message board that include bad puns ** Donate generously to Free Republic at the end of the season in the name of the top point earner That's about it. No drafting, no cash outlay except to Free Republic, and LOTS of Monday morning quarterbacking. It is a wonderful time waster that really...
  • Trump: "I know bimbos. After all, I married three of them. Megyn Kelly's a bimbo!" (SATIRE)

    08/26/2015 6:50:44 AM PDT · by ken5050 · 86 replies
    Red State ^ | 8/26/27 | gawken
    The war between Trump and FOX took an oddly different and dark turn the other day. Displaying a near-childlike inability to “let sleeping dogs lie,” Trump welcomed back Megyn Kelly from vacation with a series of Tweets deriding her top-rated show. Trump poured fuel on the fire by retweeting a supporter’s post that said of Kelly, “The bimbo is back.”
  • The Donald Trumps Univision

    08/26/2015 6:05:00 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 11 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-26-2015 | MOTUS
    Two minutes into The Donald’s press conference - after an exchange that went something like this: DT: “Sit down” GR: “No”DT: “Sit down”GR: “No”DT: “Throw the bum out” The Donald had Jorge Ramos deported: And, just like in real life, Jorge was allowed to come right back in, where he continued his argument over deportation.Hola! I’m back!The press expressed righteous outrage on behalf of Jorge, a Univision reporter of color. Others suggested that perhaps Jorge, unwilling to wait his turn,was not so much “reporting” as he was “heckling.”So I’ll let you decide: who was out of line, The Donald or...
  • Hump-Day Humor

    08/26/2015 2:12:15 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 5 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 26 August 2015 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • See Joe run...run Joe run...

    08/25/2015 5:31:15 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 18 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-25-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Planned Parenthood

    08/25/2015 10:33:02 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon
    American Irony ^ | 8-25-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • “Clean Up on Email 3!”

    08/25/2015 5:52:19 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 2 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-25-2015 | MOTUS
    Update in the “not even a smidgen of scandal” IRS non-scandal: apparently Lois Lerner had yet another private email account using a different name - ‘Toby Miles’ - that she used to conduct official government business (this makes 3, if you’re still keeping track). Lois Lerner had yet another personal email account used to conduct some IRS business, the tax agency confirmed in a new court filing late Monday that further complicates the administration’s efforts to be transparent about Ms. Lerner’s actions during the tea party targeting scandal. – Washington Times Let’s see, who else do we know of that...
  • Sarcastic Definition of the Day: Bureaucracy

    08/24/2015 4:09:19 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 8 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-24-15 | The Looking Spoon
    I started writing a collection of sarcastic definitions about a year or so ago for fun and have amassed roughly 50 words so far, so I made a page for them and was planning on doing a daily/almost daily flashcard like the one below.
  • Winkin’ Blinkin’ and Flawed

    08/24/2015 5:21:24 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 8 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-24-2015 | MOTUS
    Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night Sailed off in a wooden shoe — Sailed on a river of crystal light, Into a sea of dew. "Where are you going, and what do you wish?" The old moon asked the three. "We have come to fish for the herring fish That live in this beautiful sea; Nets of silver and gold have we!" Said Wynken, Blynken, and Nod con·tempt (kən-tĕmpt′) n. The feeling or attitude of regarding someone or something as inferior, base, or worthless; scorn. a feeling that someone or something is not worthy of any respect or approval. Closely...
  • Disappearing Insurance

    08/23/2015 11:40:12 AM PDT · by Sean_Anthony · 10 replies
    Canada Free Press ^ | 08/23/15 | Jimmy Reed
    Time stood still in what I now remember as a pristine, open-air, chapel, where a congregation of two melded their souls with Mother Nature’s glory After serving in World War II, my father raised cotton on two hundred Mississippi Delta acres. The wealthy doctor who owned the land loaned him enough money to buy a tractor and a cultivator. Single-handedly and determined, he worked the land, made his first crop, and launched a 50-year farming career. When a much larger farm came up for sale, the doctor loaned Dad the money to buy it. I was ten years old, and...
  • Trump Life. The Hostile Takeover of Donald Trump

    08/23/2015 9:49:43 AM PDT · by deltanine · 16 replies
    This is not a GOP primary. This is a hostile takeover.
  • The Limit of Vikings

    08/23/2015 6:59:37 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 10 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-23-2015 | MOTUS
    For anyone still at a loss to explain The Donald’s popularity, here is today’s object lesson: People don’t like having their country taken over by outsiders. Especially outsiders who come to rape and plunder (with apologies to those of Viking stock who practically invented raping and plundering, butt haven’t engaged in that sort of behavior for thousands of years now).  Even Swedes seem to have their limits: (highlights added) Sweden’s nationalists lead polls for first time. UPDATED: More people support Jimmie Ĺkesson’s Sweden Democrats than any other political group in Sweden, according to a new poll which puts the nationalists...
  • Reaganite's SUNDAY FUNNIES

    08/23/2015 5:12:59 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 5 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 23 August 2015 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • Whoopsie – Trump Hits Bush By Pointing Out Horrible Photo-Shopped Mailer…

    08/22/2015 8:58:13 PM PDT · by smoothsailing · 67 replies
    The Conservative Treehouse ^ | 8-22-3015 | sundance
    Whoopsie – Trump Hits Bush By Pointing Out Horrible Photo-Shopped Mailer… Posted on August 22, 2015 by sundance (HatTip Nation) This is so bad it almost has to be intentional. The Jeb Bush campaign sends out a seriously flawed mailer noted here: IOWA: Check your mailboxes today. Mail piece hitting more than 86k households. #conservativeresultsmatter pic.twitter.com/94Qb2hZy5X— R2R USA (@r2rusa) August 20, 2015 Obviously Donald Trump picks up on it: Jeb Bush has a photoshopped photo for an ad which gives him a black left hand and much different looking body. Jeb just can't get it right!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)...
  • Islamic Jihadi opens fire with AK-47. Terrorism not ruled out.

    08/22/2015 6:09:24 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 30 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-22-2015 | MOTUS
    It happened again: on a train filled with cheese eating surrender monkeys hurtling through the Belgian countryside towards Paris, the Americans came to the rescue: Crew on Paris-bound train barricaded themselves in their staffroom and locked the door as Kalashnikov-wielding terrorist went on the rampage – leaving PASSENGERS to take him down. And, as usual, the passengers were 3 Americans and a Brit. When an Islamic terrorist (Can I say that? The French called for caution before jumping to conclusions.) opened fire with an AK-47 (wait, you’re not allowed to have an assault rifle in France!) he was rushed and...
  • Islamic State Charges US with War Crime [semi-satire]

    08/21/2015 11:39:57 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2015 | John Semmens
    The Islamic State announced it is filing war crime charges against the United States with the International Court of Justice at The Hague in the Netherlands. The complaint alleges that the growing number of IS fighters coming down with AIDS are "victims of germ warfare originating from the nefarious labs of the American Government." IS doesn't deny that the infections resulted from their troops' rape of captured women, but alleges that "the taint of AIDS is the responsibility of the United States. Raping captured women has been a right exercised by Muslim warriors for over a thousand years. The introduction...
  • If you like Back to the Future, but not Hillary...then here you go!

    08/21/2015 10:10:18 AM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 1 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-21-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • HILLARY TAKES TIP FROM TRUMP

    08/21/2015 9:26:21 AM PDT · by MeshugeMikey · 11 replies
    MeshugeMikey ^ | August 21, 2015 | MeshugeMikey
    HILLARY CAMPAIGN TAKES FASHION TIP FROM "THE DONALD"
  • Hands Up! Or I’ll Shoot!

    08/21/2015 5:21:34 AM PDT · by NOBO2012 · 2 replies
    Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-21-2015 | MOTUS
    It’s been quite a week for little old ladies: First we have Hillary, in what certainly must have been a display of somewhat-early-onset-Alzheimers. She claimed no knowledge of what is, was, or should be classified; and demurred that the complexities of government security clearance was beyond her ken. It’s as if she was a helpless little girl faced with a big bad math problem too tough for a little girl to solve, or something. Employing the old anti-feminist “dust rag” defense she deflected the entire controversy by metaphorically flicking it off. Hands up! Don’t Shoot! (take 2) And then...
  • TGIF 'toons

    08/21/2015 3:38:38 AM PDT · by Reaganite Republican · 18 replies
    Reaganite Republican ^ | 21 August 2015 | Reaganite Republican
    More at Reaganite Republican
  • Bill Clinton on Ashley Madison

    08/20/2015 2:11:36 PM PDT · by The Looking Spoon · 12 replies
    American Irony ^ | 8-20-15 | The Looking Spoon
  • Obama supports Iran's self inspection (humor?)

    08/20/2015 11:18:10 AM PDT · by DanMiller · 1 replies
    Dan Miller's Blog ^ | August 20, 2015 | Dan Miller
    In an exclusive interview with the FARtz News Agency, President Obama today voiced firm support for any deal bewteen Iran and the International Atomic Energy Agency permitting Iran to know for sure what it hasn't been doing at its alleged military sites.Editor’s note: This is a guest post by my (imaginary) colleague, the Very Honorable Ima Librul, Senator from the great State of Confusion Utopia. He is a founding member of CCCEB (Climate Change Causes Everything Bad), a charter member of President Obama’s Go For it Team, a senior member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and Chairman of the Meretricious Relations Subcommittee. He is also...