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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • California Assembly Woman Seeks to Ban Cast Iron Skillets (satire)

    12/10/2017 7:46:07 PM PST · by Michael.SF. · 1 replies
    Vanity ^ | 12/10/2017 | myself
    Troubled by the use of this cooking mainstay as a murder weapon, a member of the California State Assembly, Beverly Colinas of Baldwin Park, has introduced a bill to ban the use of cast iron frying pans. “These pans have been used for years, by both womyn and men, not just for cooking, but also as a murder weapon. I do believe it is time for all womyn to speak out on this issue.” Ms. Colinas explained. Troubled by reports of killings in both Bozeman and Bellingham Ms. Colinas elaborated: “My district includes Baldwin Park. Maybe it is a coincidence:...
  • House Hearing Reveals Pattern of Bias in FBI [semi-satire]

    12/10/2017 10:07:29 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    In FBI Director Christopher Wray’s testimony before a House committee earlier this week it became apparent that the FBI exhibited a pattern of inconsistent treatment and bias in the way the agency has handled investigations of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump over the last two years. Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) called the revelations “very damaging to the reputation and credibility of the FBI. Even though there appears to be considerable evidence that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton violated the law, the agency. under then Director James Comey, bent over backwards...
  • U.S. Diplomat’s Resignation Signals Wider Exodus From State Department

    12/10/2017 7:20:07 AM PST · by Fhios · 80 replies
    FP ^ | 12/9/2017 | DAN DE LUCE, ROBBIE GRAMER
    An award-winning U.S. diplomat who was seen as a rising star at the State Department has issued a scathing resignation letter, accusing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and the Donald Trump administration of undercutting the State Department and damaging America’s influence in the world. Elizabeth Shackelford, who most recently served as a political officer based in Nairobi for the U.S. mission to Somalia, wrote to Tillerson that she reluctantly had decided to quit because the administration had abandoned human rights as a priority and shown disdain for the State Department’s diplomatic work, according to her letter, obtained by Foreign Policy.
  • Why Does The Fake News Media Keep Lighting Up Trump’s Exploding Cigars?

    12/10/2017 6:03:56 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 42 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.10.2017 | David Blackmon
    Ok, so, the whole “Russia Collusion” narrative has failed, and there is obviously no case to be made against the President for obstructing justice. As a result, it is becoming increasingly apparent that the fake media has latched onto going after the President for his personal habists now. The NYTimes this morning has a hit job today claiming that President Trump watches too much television and drinks too much Diet Coke. I swear I don’t make this stuff up. Who could? Remember that this NYTimes hit job – based entirely on un-named “sources”, of course – comes on the heels...
  • The Shed at Dulwich, a Parable For the Punked

    12/10/2017 5:23:30 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 4 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-10-17 | MOTUS
    Oobah Butler almost single-handedly pulled off the best punk of the year: London’s top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor doesn’t exist.  “One day, sitting in the shed I live in, I had a revelation: within the current climate of misinformation, and society’s willingness to believe absolute bulls–t, maybe a fake restaurant is possible? Maybe it’s exactly the kind of place that could be a hit?”“In that moment, it became my mission. With the help of fake reviews, mystique, and nonsense, I was going to do it: turn my shed into London’s top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor.”And so the “The Shed at Dulwich” was...
  • Is Sweden prepared for Russian invasion?

    12/09/2017 10:14:40 PM PST · by NorseViking · 24 replies
    SNN: An ability of Sweden to defend itself has become a question of heated debate on nationwide 'People and military' conference. Today we invited to our studio a colonel Eric Lillestohl from the Defence Ministry HQ. Lillestohl: Thank you. SNN: Would be Sweden able to defend itself in case of external aggression? Lillestohl: (laughter) You see, there is an widely supported opinion in expert community that Sweden has no actual risk of foreign aggression. In that sense we are absolutely ready. SNN: Ok, let's rephrase my question. Are we hypothetically capable to counter invasion? Lillestohl: (laughter) Why should we since...
  • Obama Claims Credit for Booming Economy [semi-satire]

    12/09/2017 9:11:19 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    Rosy economic statistics showing a robust 3.3% annual growth in gross domestic product and an all time low in the unemployment rate for Hispanics prompted former President Barack Obama to assert that "the real credit for this good news belongs to me." "Trump wants everyone to believe that his relaxation of regulations and championing of tax cuts deserve the credit," Obama said. "What he and everyone else is overlooking is that the stringent regulations and high taxes that prevailed for my eight year term built up the 'coiled spring' pressure that, when released by Trump's moves, allowed the economy to...
  • Never Forget That Cleaning The DC Swamp Is Literally A Life Or Death Struggle

    12/09/2017 5:38:40 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 24 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    President Donald Trump was on fire at a rally in Pensacola Friday evening, where he took on an array of his adversaries, from the fake news media to (sadly) the FBI to huckster attorney Gloria Allred. Commenting on the legal and political system at one point, the President of the United States said “this is a rigged system. There’s no country like ours, but we have a lot of sickness in some of our institutions.” Truer words have never been spoken. After 8 years of an anti-American, Saul Alinskyite presidency, pretty much all of our institutions are sick. That was,...
  • Things That Make Me Worry About The Sustainability Of Planet Earth

    12/09/2017 5:23:01 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 8 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-9-17 | MOTUS
    This week’s category winner: Calling millennials “snowflakes” is damaging to their mental health, reveals survey of 16-24 year olds.My first concern is the fact that anyone would even think to conduct such a survey.  My second is that it’s not just the snowflakes themselves buying into this victim du jour mentality: The thoughts were echoed by adults of all ages, with 58 per cent claiming the label is unfairly applied, the survey showed.A further 57 per cent felt that the term 'generation snowflake' could also harm the mental health of young people.  Instead of telling these post-millennials (which most of...
  • Trump Recognizes Jerusalem as Israeli Capital [semi-satire]

    12/08/2017 11:32:26 PM PST · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    After three previous presidents neglected to abide by legislation ordering the United States to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, President Trump obeyed the law by announcing that we will be moving our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. The move was denounced by Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah who contends that "this humiliation of 1.5 billion Muslims is immoral and illegal. Allah has given all the world to the Muslims. Trump's attempt to claim Jerusalem for Satan and his Jewish demons contradicts the eternal laws written in the Quran. Death and sorrow will be the payment extracted from the...
  • The Campaign Update Week In Review: Winning. Sooooo Much Winning.

    12/08/2017 4:30:45 PM PST · by EyesOfTX · 4 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    The Campaign Update Week In Review (Because The Campaign Never Ends) So, let’s review the week we have just experienced, because it will be remembered as the week the tide truly turned: Humiliation for pretty much every major fake media outlet: CNN, Reuters, Bloomberg, ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, WaPo and NPR. Somehow, the NYTimes escaped major embarrassment, unless I missed something. Sheer luck, no doubt. The Mueller coup d’etat effort began to come unraveled, as detailed in Friday morning’s Campaign Update. The Trump economy is booming, and our pathetic ex-President is wandering around the country desperately trying to take credit...
  • Mueller’s Attempted Coup d’etat Has Begun to Unravel

    12/08/2017 4:59:45 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 54 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.8.2017 | David Blackmon
    The bottom line here is this: The Mueller “investigation” has been irrevocably revealed to be nothing more than a political hit job, a slow-rolling coup’ d’etat designed to un-do the results of a duly-conducted national election in the United States of America. It is not just an assault on the Trump Administration, it is an assault on our entire democracy, sponsored by the Clinton camp, holdovers from the Obama Administration and the embeded “deep state” bureaucracies. The fake journalists in the fake news media understand all this, if only subconsciously, and so they keep churning out these “Trump Can’t Fire...
  • Just Think Of Them As Democratic Operatives With Security Clearance

    12/08/2017 4:39:27 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 2 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-8-17 | MOTUS
    I’m having trouble keeping up with the FBI’s complicity in the Trump Dossier. So far all I’ve got is that they may or may not  have colluded with the DNC to generate the Fusion GPS dossier, used it to get FISA warrants to spy on the Trump campaign and then worked feverishly to cover their involvement in the process. No wonder they’re all wee-weed up about Trump winning or, to paraphrase Glenn Reynolds, just think of them as Democratic operatives with security clearance and it all makes sense. So let’s just go to the FLOTUS week in review: Visit to...
  • New word I have coined for the hypersensitive muslims

    12/07/2017 11:47:45 PM PST · by Secret Agent Man · 32 replies
    You can now refer to all the easily agitated, hypersensitive, acting offended but arent really, just trying to stir crap up, muslims, by the new word I have coined: Moflakes. Moflakes are simply muslim snowflakes. Here ya go. Merry Christmas to you all.
  • The Screaming that Will Live in Infamy

    12/07/2017 7:38:46 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 11 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-7-17 | MOTUS
    Franklin Delano Roosevelt called it “a date that will live in infamy.” But in Google-land, where every other esoteric anniversary/birthday on the face of our diverse, multi-cultural, all-inclusive planet is celebrated to much fanfare, they just couldn’t bring themselves to even mention it. It would probably be considered triggering and that might send the snowflakes to the streets again, screaming.Imagine what the world would be like today if the Greatest Generation had decided to hold a day of rage rather than fight the people who attacked us.  Imagine if Winston Churchill had told his countrymen to go “scream helplessly at...
  • President Trump Should Let Chuck And Nancy Have Their Government Shut-Down

    12/07/2017 5:02:33 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 38 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.7.2017 | David Blackmon
    With Chuck Schumer and San Fran Nan threatening to shut down the government because they want amnesty for all the “Dreamers”, weak-kneed Republicans in congress are running scared because they know the fake news media will put the blame for the shut-down on them. My question to them is, so what? Have you learned nothing from history? The last time the Republicans got blamed by the fake news media for shutting down the federal government was 2013, when Ted Cruz single-handedly dragged the party kicking and screaming to negotiate something meaningful into the budget bill under consideration at the time....
  • Fake News, Fake Republicans and Real, Live Snowflakes – Merry Resistmas, America!

    12/06/2017 5:21:55 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 4 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.6.2017 | David Blackmon
    Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) Now we know why his approval rating in Arizona is 11%. – Hey, remember when Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake used to pretend to be a Republican, just like his fellow Senator, John McCain? Yeah, those were good times, but they’re over now. On Tuesday, Flake wrote a check to ultra-liberal Democrat Doug Jones, who is running against the very weird Roy Moore for the senate seat in Alabama. Embarrassingly, Flake’s check to Jones, which he made sure to trumpet all over the social media space, was for a paltry $100, meaning he’s...
  • Mueller’s Gestapo Tactics Only Reinforce The Reasons Why Trump Won in 2016

    12/05/2017 4:36:24 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 20 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Now, here’s why the Logan Act, in its 218 year life, has never, not one time, resulted in a prosecution of anyone: If you take that text literally, John McCain alone would have been found guilty of violating the Logan Act half a dozen times since Trump took office, and probably 50 times during the presidency of George W. Bush, as McCain has made a frequent habit of making speeches in foreign lands that are highly critical of U.S. foreign policy, but only during Republican Administrations. Liberal hero Ted Kennedy wrote letters to Soviet Union leaders, actively seeking their intervention...
  • Justice: It Helps If You’re Sober

    12/05/2017 4:27:18 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 5 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-5-17 | MOTUS
    Sure, the wall will be a nice touch.  But enforcing existing policies that were enacted to  keep terrorists and illegals out of the country can be just as effective. Pulling the U.S. out of the UN’s insane global migration and refuge compact will also assist in controlling who gains access to our country and resources.  And implementing a travel ban against countries known to harbor terrorism and terrorists is an act that any sane person in this country would have heartily supported not so very long ago. But in our deeply divided country we have activist judges who think nothing...
  • Councilwoman Wants to Outlaw Bullet-Proof Glass [semi-satire]

    12/04/2017 9:36:33 AM PST · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    Philadelphia City Councilwoman Cindy Bass is pushing an ordinance that would bar retailers from having bullet-proof glass block customers' access to store employees. The glass is common in convenience markets that serve high-crime sectors of the city. "Bullet-proof glass is an insult to minorities," Bass contends. "Lots of businesses in these same neighborhoods—barber shops and bars, for example—don't have these barriers. That's the neighborly way to run a business. If these convenience markets aren't going to be neighborly voluntarily we need to have a law that forces them." Rich Kim, whose family has owned a deli in the city for...