Free Republic

  1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.    5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.    7. Set up a...

Washington—Karl Rove, forced to testify a fourth time before the grand jury, wants Americans to send lawyers, guns and money in an attempt to save him from the impending grand jury indictment. The reason Rove is required to testify a fourth time is to explain the discrepancy between Time reporter Matthew Cooper and his own grand jury testimony. Apparently, the excrement has hit the fan, and Rove is in hot water with prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald. Special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald’s two-year-old investigation was initiated to determine whether officials Bush’s administration violated a 1982 law designed to protect the identity of covert...

Supreme court justices give their okie dokie to commercial land developers to sieze their homes and property and turn them into sprawling malls and bus stops.

It’s no joke: Even animals ‘laugh’ Expert says dogs pant and rats chirp to express mirth David Bolton / Morguefile.com Scientists suspect that the panting behavior exhibited by dogs during "play chasing" is an analog for human laughter. Studies by various groups suggest monkeys, dogs and even rats love a good laugh. People, meanwhile, have been laughing since before they could talk. "Indeed, neural circuits for laughter exist in very ancient regions of the brain, and ancestral forms of play and laughter existed in other animals eons before we humans came along with our 'ha-ha-has' and verbal repartee," says Jaak...

Steven Wright Quotes 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. A fool and his money are soon partying. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid...

1. Your papers, please. 2. If you idiots ever shut up, I'd have nothing to laugh at! 3. Who cares if Old Europe would’ve voted for Kerry? We protect old Europe. The children don’t tell the grownups when they want to go to bed. 4. Thank God for the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

The Democratic Party in Texas filed a lawsuit today demanding a statewide recount. Congressman John Conyers (D-MI), and Barney Frank (D-MA) joined with other national Democratic figures in calling for a closer look at the vote tally in Texas. "Something just doesn't seem right," said Democratic Representative Henry Waxman. "There are still provisional ballots to be counted, as well as overseas ballots, and spoiled ballots. Bush only won the state by 1,700,000 votes, so who knows what the final result might be?" MoveOn.Org posted the following on their popular 527 website: "There are reports that Bush got far more votes...

I have a plan, this afternoon. My plan is to involve a coalition of our allies in developing a plan that addresses the real need for sufficient planning. Of course I can't tell you the complete details of my plan until you give me the power to plan an effective planning strategy with other planners; however, I actually did plan on deciding to plan, before I planned to decide against planning. My plan includes a scheme to aim my arrangement at the big picture. It's a design that is expedient in it's disposition and who's intent is to layout the...

DAG-GUM. Seems like rednecks are multiplying faster than empties in the back of a pick-'em-up truck. Jeff Foxworthy, famous for his "You might be a redneck" shtick, is back on prime-time television with Blue Collar TV. Gretchen Wilson kicks up dust in her Redneck Woman video. And, Miss Alabama won the Miss America pageant. Comedy Central has been in on the joke from the git-go. Among the cable network's contributions to corn pone humor are Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie, concert specials with a Southern twang and a repackaging of WB's Blue Collar TV. Funny is funny, and it's...

Before the real news, there's a little interesting background news we should take care of. This comes from the "Be careful who you blame department," because everything is not always exactly as it looks. We've been hoodwinked. Yeah, you, me, all of us. It appears to me that there is a major scam afoot. It's kind of funny, in a sick sort of way; but it is a flimflam nonetheless. First, we know that Dan Rather and his cohorts at CBS have a major bias. Among other things, they "fixed" a certain "60 Minutes" program many years ago to pump...

John Kerry woke up last Tuesday morning confused and agitated. As he realized, his propensity towards prevarication and exaggeration are now well known by voters. In politics, that stuff usually works with a significant segment of the population simply because they are uninformed. Didn't work as well this time, though. Voters are starting to laugh at Kerry. Or even worse, voters are starting to disregard Kerry. Quite often, campaign staff, reporters and Republican hecklers make up a significant part of the crowd at his lightly attended campaign appearances. Clearly, the Kerry campaign is having a few little problems. One problem...

Global warming could destroy 15-37% species by 2050: Study Press Trust of India Washington, January 8 Global warming may cause the extinction of 15 to 37 per cent of species by 2050, a study published on Thursday in the noted science journal Nature has warned. "The midrange estimate is that 34 per cent of plants and animals will be committed to extinction by 2050," said economist Chris Thomas of Britain's University of Leeds, who conducted the study along with 17 other researchers. "We are talking about 1.25 million species. It is a massive number", Thomas said. The study was conducted...

This is funny... look at Free Republic in a new way :-) http://FreeRepub in valley girl http://FreeRepub in pig latin http://FreeRepub in ebonic http://FreeRepub in Ted Kennedy-eze (Bostonian) http://FreeRepub in Jeff K

This is Gray Davis hard at work at his NEW job! Counting... the job he is the WORST at! Can't count money, can't count ants. What can he count?

Is your meat safe to eat? I bet you didn't know there is more to worry about that just "Mad Cow Disease." Would you believe "Glad Cow Disease, Bad Cow Disease, and Sad Cow Disease!" Eat BULL, the other red meat!

As you can see from my cartoon that the Democrats are on the left with their ideas and the Republicans are on the right and in the right with their ideas. As usual! More than 270 other cartoons where this one came from. More than 45,000 visitors and counting have laughed at my toons.

Tired of pork barrel spending? We can turn loose one of these in the Democratic side of the House and Senate and get rid of some of it... Cut the pork now!

Are you afraid to fly since 9/11? Think twice before you get on this airplane... Maybe they should make this cartoon into a movie?

This might be the reason why we keep shipping jobs overseas... Our factories are full of laid-off workers and factory owners are tired of paying through the nose to meet EPA standards and regulations. The Slinky Factory is a good example. The owner of the Slinky Factory cautions "Watch your steps!" See more than 270 cartoons on all subjects for kids of all ages!