why do you guys keep banning me? (Zot! Because we can) (Juwish modz totally rewl!)

I picked up something funny about the woman, too.

41,281 posted on 11/12/2004 1:18:30 PM PST by Tax-chick (First we had all the money, then we got all the votes, now we have all the fun!)

By how much?
*curiosity killed the D-sheare, it was later said*

41,282 posted on 11/12/2004 1:18:41 PM PST by Darksheare (Personality shattered and horribly twisted, the humor flows out through the cracks.)

41,283 posted on 11/12/2004 1:19:15 PM PST by Tax-chick (First we had all the money, then we got all the votes, now we have all the fun!)

Is that a recent photo? I like the hair!

41,284 posted on 11/12/2004 1:20:14 PM PST by Tax-chick (First we had all the money, then we got all the votes, now we have all the fun!)

41,285 posted on 11/12/2004 1:21:57 PM PST by Fedora

41,286 posted on 11/12/2004 1:23:10 PM PST by Fedora

Oh. I hadn't been trying to convey anything in particular.
Maybe I should... just need to think of something.

41,287 posted on 11/12/2004 1:23:19 PM PST by Darkchylde (Resistentialism - seemingly spiteful behavior manifested by inanimate objects)

I still think I need to give them names too.

41,288 posted on 11/12/2004 1:24:26 PM PST by Darkchylde (Resistentialism - seemingly spiteful behavior manifested by inanimate objects)

That was taken in March or April this year.
Thanks!

41,289 posted on 11/12/2004 1:27:56 PM PST by Darksheare (Personality shattered and horribly twisted, the humor flows out through the cracks.)

To: Tax-chick; Darkchylde; Fedora

Somethign I wrote in cruel jest at someone I know personally.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Well, my friends say my heart was in the right place at least.
The trouble all started when we ran out of things to feed our local DHL delivery man's pet lemon shark 'Mr. Squiggles'.
Did I tell you we'd had an infestation of little people beforehand as well?

"Mr. Matthews didn't even make your evil fish break into a sweat." I said.
"Yeah, he kinda just looked into the water and started sniveling like that one French guy in Paris did when the Germans invaded in WWII." that'd be Bobby Riley our DHL delivery man.
"Hey Bob-o, remember Mr. Debrozac? There never existed a fatter man under a foot tall." Matthew Morgan, the local cable guy.
"Well, I hate to break it to you all, but we are out of things to feed Mr. Squiggles." groans all around as Riley relayed that info.
"There were hundreds of the little suckers just yesterday, how can they all just disappear like that?"
"Aww that sucks."
"Yeah!" and the whole chorus of general agreement and commiseration.
And then I stumbled upon inspiration.
"There's still Mr. Peterson." lightbulbs went on behind eyes and grins all around.
"Yeah, it's.. uh... not like he's gonna get any anytime soon since they have to convert his station wagon into a hatchback if you get my drift."
We did.
Mr. Peterson had lost his legs in a tragic poodle attack a week prior and was rather morose about it.
After all, he wouldn't have lost his legs to Mr. Johnson's poodle if he hadn't have been closeted with Mrs. Johnson at the time.
And he'd even had the guts to try and sue for a dog attack.
I always knew little Mr. Peterson was a flaming liberal.
But now he was suicidal and depressed because he wouldn't be seducing the ladies anytime soon.
I figured that we'd be doing him a service with our plans.
I looked over at the pool and eyed it over.
The hose and BBQ grill were nearby as well.
"Here's what we do, we get him into the pool floating in his little donut ring," there were snickers at this point, "and you guys hide over there. We get some 'romantic music' going, maybe some distractions. And then you slip Mr. Squiggles into the pool over there."
Before anyone asks, no, there wasn't any chlorine in the pool.

Somehow, my wife heard about part of this plan.
She thought it was great that we were going to try to "cheer up poor Mr Peterson."
She wanted to come along and help cheer him up.
Did I mention that my wife was among little Mr. Peterson's many conquests?
And the evening it went down started smoothly enough.
The music was going and the BBQ grill was on, there was even a poolside TV.
And Mr. Peterson in all his truncated glory morosely floated in the pool on his little inflated donut.
My wife somehow knew something was up.
Maybe it was the giggles in the bushes.
Maybe it was the fact that the 'romantic music' was the Theme from Jaws.
And maybe it was the fact that when the Jaws of Death launched from the water and sucked down little fancy pants I jumped up and yelled, "Yeah! THAT'S the way it is!"
She got up crying and screaming, telling me she hated me.
"You KNEW! How COULD you hurt POOR Mr. Peterson like that?! You're HORRIBLE!"
I almost felt sorry for her.
After all, her lover was now doing laps in the belly of a giant goldfish.
And the best part of it for me was that the little snot didn't suspect a thing right up until the moment that he saw the jaws snap shut around him.
Maybe now Mr. Johnson can have those legs he kept bronzed and stuck on the wall or something.

Oh, by the way, we're out of stuff to feed Mr. Squiggles again.
But we're looking for Juan Smith.
You can't miss him, he's lucky if he breaks a foot tall and he's missing an eye.
If you see him, grab him.
My cat's honor is at stake.

41,290 posted on 11/12/2004 1:28:58 PM PST by Darksheare (Personality shattered and horribly twisted, the humor flows out through the cracks.)

Now that's interesting! (Returns to kitchen shaking head. Check sink carefully ...)

41,291 posted on 11/12/2004 1:37:52 PM PST by Tax-chick (First we had all the money, then we got all the votes, now we have all the fun!)

Names would be good :)

41,292 posted on 11/12/2004 1:45:53 PM PST by Fedora

The sink is clear.
*chuckle*

41,293 posted on 11/12/2004 1:47:15 PM PST by Darksheare (Personality shattered and horribly twisted, the humor flows out through the cracks.)

Heh... the sink may be clear... but be careful next time you decide to take a nice, long, hot bath.

41,294 posted on 11/12/2004 1:49:23 PM PST by Dead Corpse (My days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle)

To: Dead Corpse; Tax-chick

Did I mention I have a shark fin?
But I still have to use a snorkel.

41,295 posted on 11/12/2004 1:53:25 PM PST by Darksheare (Personality shattered and horribly twisted, the humor flows out through the cracks.)

A shark fin? Is this one of those subcutaneous cartilage experiments gone wrong? Like growing a human ear on the back of a mouse?

41,296 posted on 11/12/2004 1:54:49 PM PST by Dead Corpse (My days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle)

More or less it comes and goes.
Like the horns on my forehead.

41,297 posted on 11/12/2004 1:55:31 PM PST by Darksheare (Personality shattered and horribly twisted, the humor flows out through the cracks.)

I've got a removable set that wife refuses to let me have implanted permanently. Something about being "horny enough" already I think.

41,298 posted on 11/12/2004 1:57:57 PM PST by Dead Corpse (My days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle)

Weird in a cool way :)

41,299 posted on 11/12/2004 1:58:08 PM PST by Fedora

41,300 posted on 11/12/2004 2:00:13 PM PST by Dead Corpse (My days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle)

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