WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking at the end of a hallway in the White House after trying in vain to avoid the White House press corps, President Biden announced that he had been told he’s running for re-election in 2024. “I’ve been informed that it is my intention to run for re-election in 2024,” said the president to a large potted plant instead of the crowd of journalists behind him. “As an exemplar of progressive ideals, it is my duty to lead this country to a better future, or so they tell me.” When asked by intrepid reporters if he is concerned his...