Skip to comments.Know What You Should Do at Mass and Why [barf alert---Freep this pastor!]
Posted on 01/23/2003 11:51:59 AM PST by Polycarp
Know What You Should Do at Mass and Why
Many parishes have a Miss Manners section which is O.K., but what we need is a Miss Know-Why-Youre-Doing-What-You-Should-Do at Mass, because of the theology it signifies. It is not a local whim!
1. Everyone in this parish should receive a piece of the consecrated Bread, and drink from the common cup. Jesus (not the Church) instituted the Mass in ratione coenae (in the nature of a meal), not in the form of a snack. Nine hundred years of host ("Whats that?" Jesus would say.) history does not excuse us from the twofold facet of communing as Jesus intended and the Bible handed on.
2. People who enter the building, which their presence in Faith will make into a church, should reach into the Baptismal Font and bless themselves, educating their children to do the same. This applies to the innumerable latecomers. Incidentally, if you are ten minutes late (look at your watch in the parking lot), go to another Mass. Missing the three Bible readings manifests your misunderstanding of what Mass is: Word and Meal.
3. Do not leave early. The priest should always be the first one out of the church. If you have prescheduled appointments, reschedule your Mass. Last week I confronted three people leaving early. And one of them, to add insult to injury, had blessed herself on the way outa meaningless, pietistic gesture.
4. Do not bring any games, toys, Cheerios, etc., to the church building. Little children belong in the nursery, and younger children at the Liturgy of the Word. If you have uncontrollable children, consult psychiatrist listings, or arrange with your life-sharing spouse to go to separate Liturgies until control is restored in the family (which is usually the problem). There are a few exceptionsautistic children, et similia, who are more than welcome.
5. When the cantor introduces the service, answer the "Good Morning" or "Good Evening". Thats the cue to stop conversation. In our parish, the older people seem to be the chief offenders. When the cantor leads the singing, or the lector is reading, they are presiding at that part of the Mass. Look at them and pay attention to them. The overall presider is the presbyter (Priest), but not the only one. Notice that when the cantor is leading the Hallelujah how the priest turns and faces him/her, an acknowledgement of presidency.
6. When there is a lull, it is not a signal to start chattering. I have noticed it before the first reading, at the presentation of gifts, and even during Holy Communion! However, the chattering, laughing, howling, and conversation before the cantor signals the beginning of the service is highly encouraged.
7. When it is time to sing, everyone sing. When it is time to be silent, everyone should be quiet. The Mass has ups and downs built into it. You should have ups and downs in your moods, singing, and actions.
8. Do not be a hostgrabber. Put both hands out for the Eucharistic minister (ordained or not) to place in your hand. Say "amen" loudly so all around you can hear. Look at the Body and Blood as you receive it.n No looking at the priest, or closing your eyes, and certainly not making the sign of the Cross, genuflecting, or other meaningless actions. You blessed yourself in the Baptismal Font at the beginning of Mass, and before the opening Prayerthat's enough.
As do we. Something like 2000 families. Of course that is registered, not attending.
Our 4 Masses range from about 250 to 900 people. We use EEMs all the time. Now, with 450 people at a Staurday evening Mass, is that necessary? It's not like ther's a time constraint.
OMG! Is that the one where the mother drives across town in the middle of the night with a ladder on the roof of her car, complete with the red hankie at the end signaling an oversized load, to her grown son's home while he is sleeping and crawls commando style through his second story bedroom window just to hold him while he slept?
I damn near passed out for lack of O2 I was laughing so hard when I got to that part reading it to my then 1 yo nephew! I still joke with my sister about it.
4 Masses? You must have a puny parish. ;o)
We have 9 Mass times counting the one on Saturday. There is one Mass that probably doesn't need the EMs ... 1:15 Sunday afternoon (especially if the Cowboys are playing at noon that day). Standing room only at the 10 and 10:10 Masses (one is in the gym) means lots of EMs and not enough parking spaces.
Trust me. Little boys love the story of King David - at least the early years. Quick moving and gripping action. He was a man of God and a manly man's man. A true confident leader who was at the tip of the spear. Think "Lord of the Rings" type of hero. Of course, your son will have to get older to understand the great sin of King David. The story of Salvation History takes a turn for the worse at this point and King David is never quite the same. But we did get Psalm 51 out of it!
In fairness to little girls everywhere, the short book of Ruth tends to be their cup of tea. I would subtitle it "The Romance of Redemption". The original Cinderella story.
This ain't Texas, remember? :-)
We just expanded to seat 1000. We used to have 5 Masses, but they are limiting them, to get used to when we will no longer have 2 priests on staff.
Well ya know about the < bogus > "participation of all" according to the "Spirit of Vatican II" crowd.
Why form a parishioner group to visit the sick, cook a meal for an elderly parishioner, attend the funeral of a fellow parishioner even if you don't know him personally or visit nursing homes on a regular basis when you can just trot up to the altar and participate in the Catholic life that way? In all fairness, though, EEM's are non-stop actively pursued by the priests and two nuns at my parish. It's a coveted position.
``There's just God and me and you. No devil. No angels. But there is a heaven, and Jesus is in it. And I can't wait to get there.''
On his inattention to his health:
``People ask me `Who's your doctor?' I say, `Franklin Funeral Home.' ''
On the Rosary:
``I hate the Rosary.''
On his priorities as a Catholic: ``To me, if you don't serve the poor, then forget it.''
On celebrating marriages:
``The sermon could be seven minutes longer or 27 minutes. If I don't like the bride and groom, I'll talk even longer.''
"I hope I haven't scandalized you. I wouldn't mind if I did."
On being a free-thinker:
``When you come to the Catholic church and dip your finger in the holy water, don't throw your brains out at the same time.''
On the design of his last church:
``I hired a Jewish architect. I told him, "If you make it look like a church, I'll kill you.''
Recommendation for his epitaph:
``He was odd.''
The New Oxford Review in one of their famously entertaining ads gave a sample list of the "old" terminology translated into the newspeak:
The biggest aspect of the story to me, isn't the fact that this guy is certainly not fit to be in the same category with Padre Pio, but that his parishioners love him and his parish is huge and growing and it isn't made up of the usual suspects - the 60s enlightened crowd. I just don't get it. What is wrong with the vast majority of Catholics? We are almost like the UU's.
And that priest isn't going to retire until they take him out in a box (going by the second article).
I don't get it either. My Faith only just survived my time in Norfolk. Oddly, though, my "reversion" experience came about halfway through that time, and with obvious end in sight. I emerged the rightwing, orthodox radical that y'all have come to know and loathe. I think that, if you don't know what the Mass is really all about, because you've never been taught, some of these clown-priests could be fairly entertaining. I've no idea how deep their Faith is. Their knowledge is extremely shallow, though.
There is nothing specific that they stand for spiritually or doctrinally, yet they are thriving and growing by the hour attracting many lapsed Catholics. A friend of mine said they provide great entertainment during the services ("wheel-of-fortune and price-is-right combined").
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