Posted on 06/20/2019 8:05:48 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Well-known theologian John Piper has shared advice for husbands dealing with a quarrelsome wife and offered the reminder that “God is able to make out of a quarrelsome wife a helpful and prudent wife.”
In a recent podcast, Piper responded to a reader who asked the pastor to bring “wisdom and clarity” to Bible verses about quarrelsome wives — as the theme is brought up five times throughout Scripture.
Piper first emphasized that if a man reads verses like Proverbs 21:9 — “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” and concludes that divorce and remarriage are being commended, “he is in the power of a hardened heart, which God disapproves of.”
“There are pointers in Proverbs that leaving this woman for another is not what God approves of,” the pastor said, adding: “Now, this cuts both ways, for the man and the woman, because a covenant obliges both partners in the covenant. ...The man with a quarrelsome wife is not free to abandon her. He has a covenant. He’s made a covenant with her.”
Piper went on to outline four lessons to take away from the Bible regarding the topic of quarrelsome wives, the first being “find the right woman.”
“The first implication is for young men who are not married: Don’t marry a quarrelsome woman,” he said. “Live in a desert if you have to. Live in a tiny room on your roof with your parents if you have to before you do that.”
“So beware, young men: he who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). Wait for her,” he added.
Second, Piper advised readers to “seek to be agreeable” and listen to the counsel of Proverbs.
“I think it’s assumed that over time, women are going to hear the book of Proverbs — will take them to heart and seek not to be a quarrelsome or contentious wife,” he said. “Of course, she will take the hint that she too might want to be content to live on the roof or in the desert than to marry a quarrelsome husband. It cuts both ways. It’s a lesson: Don’t marry quarrelsome people. And if you’re married, women, do your best not to be quarrelsome and contentious.”
Third, Piper assured readers that God changes hearts — and He’s “able to make out of a quarrelsome wife a helpful and prudent wife.”
Finally, the pastor encouraged husbands to loves their wives “better than she deserves, not worse than she deserves.”
“When Proverbs says, ‘It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife,’ it means that this greater ease, greater comfort, greater peace of the housetop over going downstairs and loving this woman is true. It’s true,” he explained.
“It’s easier, it’s more comfortable, it’s more peaceful to just go up on the roof and get away from this nagging and quarreling wife, from this contention,” Piper continued. “It’s true. It’s better in many ways, but it’s not to be chosen over the path of love. There’s a covenant, and there’s a command: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’”
Previously, Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, said that emotional health is one of the most important factors to take into consideration when thinking about marriage as “eight out of 10 marriage breakdowns occur because "one or both of the partners are emotionally unhealthy.”
"Everybody's broken, but some people are a lot more broken than others. And you need to avoid them no matter how good-looking, rich, or nice they are. You have to figure out the emotional health of your potential partner before you enter into a long-term relationship."
An emotionally healthy partner, Warren contended, isn’t “nursing uncontrolled anger” or “harboring bitterness.”
"Don't date until your own emotional hurts are healed or at least until you're in the healing process,” he advised. “We've got to get rid of any bitterness in our lives. Get rid of any anger in our lives. In other words, we've got to deal with our own baggage. How do I do that? Get with God. Learn from Jesus."
women! get in the kitchen and make me a sandmich!
Life is too short to live it unhappy.
I have a very short list of things I want in my next partner.
And a very, very long list of what I don’t want.
Can it be summed up.with, “Yes dear”?
I suspect women reading this post are asking:
Are there any similar helpful proverbs to help a spouse deal with a “quarrelsome husband?”
If she is physically capable of getting out of the bed after _____, a gentleman has not earned a sammich.
If she is unable to get out of the bed afterwards, you will still not get a sammich made for you, despite earning one.
It is the sammich conundrum that all men must deal with.
“women! get in the kitchen and make me a sandmich!”
I took a different approach. I started to do everything she asked and then told her how grateful I was for her toned down rhetoric and harassment. It’s been two years now and our relationship is wonderful. She no longer shrieks and I am more responsible. We also went from one nookie session every other week to crazy nookie to 3-4 times a week.
Side note: We have been married for 29 years.
If you’re the type, don’t get married. I have friends on both sides who are miserable.
No. HELL No!!!!!
That way leads to anger and resentment and contempt and abuse. In fact, the person who insists on being acknowledged as "right" even when demonstrably wrong is engaged in abuse. Don't EVER marry such a person. Flee when evidence of such a mindset manifests itself during courtship.
Well, that's certainly a milder way to classify them......
One of the things which drove my wife crazy growing up was how automatically disagreeable both her parents were.
If you say, “The weather is nice today”, my M-I-L (or F-I-L) will say, “It’s too cold” in a tone which implies “You’re an idiot”.
If you hang back and don’t attempt a conversation, my M-I-L is apt to suggest “It’s a little cold today” to which you might reply, “Yes, it is” and then she will say “It’s a perfectly nice day” in a tone which implies “You’re an idiot”.
My wife grew up with this and hated it.
I have attempted to suggest to my wife that, as she has grown older, she has (perhaps) become (ever so slightly) like her mother. And she replies, “No, I haven’t” in a tone which implies “You’re an idiot”.
But it’s a covenant, so life goes on.
Just shows that people need to make sure they are compatible beyond "he or she is hot".
My Great Aunt was an expert on family violence,
during the depression, in West Virginia
it was a violent and difficult time
She taught me that although men are more dangerous,
Women initiate family violence about 60% of the time
I’ve yet to see anything to change that statistic
Women can be your best friend and/or your worse enemy
Move to the corner of your roof or to the desert seem to be the Biblical answers.
More useless advice from John Piper - he’s the one that teaches ‘white Americans’ today, are responsible for the affects of slavery, even if your ancestors arrived after 1865. He probably still blames the Jews for killing Jesus.
RE: he’s the one that teaches ‘white Americans’ today, are responsible for the affects of slavery, even if your ancestors arrived after 1865.
Can you direct us to a sermon or speech or article of his where he teaches that? Thanks.
Pay attention to the Hot/Crazy matrix.
It is a good guide.
Use diplomacy mr. Gallagher... No use a sandbag mr. Sheen
Well ... no proverb will ever help in the case of an undiagnosed-borderline-personality-hallucinating-manipulating-violent abuser.
RUN!!!!!!!!
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