Posted on 01/19/2019 11:33:40 AM PST by Salvation
Second marriages The Church does not gauge the validity of a union by the happiness of the people who have entered it Msgr. Charles Pope 1/9/2019
Question: Jesus says if you divorce your wife and marry another, you commit adultery. But we see many seemingly happy people in their second marriage. What is your perspective on this?
— Paul VanHoudt, Erie, Colorado
Answer: The implied premise of your question is that happiness and joy are determining criteria for what is right and wrong. Such a premise is flawed. Doing what is right does not always bring immediate happiness. Sometimes what is right is challenging and irksome, and we must trust in the ultimate happiness of doing what is right, not simply the passing happiness that may come from doing what is wrong. Jesus summons us to take up our cross and follow him, not our pillow. He further warns, “Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep” (Lk 6:25).
A second problematic premise of your observation is a rather personalized understanding of happiness. People in second marriages may manifest happiness, but it is often not such a happy reality in the eyes of their children or other family members, who may have very mixed feelings, including sorrow. Many children of divorced families carry hurts and scars from the experience. They had to process the tragic reality that Mom and Dad don’t love each other anymore and, apparently, I am not a good enough reason for them to stay together. This may harm their trust in people and their own moral, spiritual and emotional formation. They may have to spend time at different homes and navigate confusing relationships if their parents go on to date and marry others. Even as they become adults, these complexities and ambiguities remain. When the parents put down the cross of working at their marriage, it is usually the children who must pick it up. Thus, when it comes to happiness, more must be considered than the couple.
All that said, noting that some people go on to great fulfillment in second marriages and even come into the Church or grow in holiness, cannot be wholly disregarded. There may be indications that God is offering blessings in what is objectively problematic. For this pastoral reason and others, the Church is willing to look into the questions of prior marriages and see if there are causes for the nullity of that first marriage. A declaration of nullity is a judgment of the Church that some essential aspect of marriage was lacking in the prior marriage and that it was not “what God has joined together.” There is not space here to fully explain nullity. However, it should be added that the mere happiness of spouses in a current marriage is not a consideration in granting annulments for a prior marriage. Only data regarding the prior marriage are considered.
It is often the mother who is problematic. We cannot know what abusive mothers went through which warped them so decidedly. I am sorry that you dear brother was unable to deal with the pain, I am happy that you are as whole and happy as you can be.
Second and third marriages are a tough row to hoe. So much baggage for most people. You are to be congratulated on your perseverance and good fortune!
My wife first marriage ended in divorce...
It was a civil marriage not a church marriage and a civil divorce...
I have been married only once...
Since my wife and I are not RC no need for the RCC to profit off her mistake by buying an annulment...which is meaningless to us...
Thank you. I have been very fortunate. I did learn some lessons and was lucky enough to find such a special woman.
Even still, I did come a little close to making a big mistake before I met her. The ex husband of that near mistake told me many years later that I owed him for saving me the 11 years of hell he got, LOL. Nice guy. He's had a successful 2nd marriage fortunately.
I escaped infidelity and my wife escaped infidelity and abuse.
We celebrate 45 years this April.
Second time was the CHARM for me
Do not marry the wrong woman. Think twice. Ask questions
And once you have kids. It’s all about them not you anymore
They grow up and then model you
ca·ve·at.[ˈkavēˌat, ˈkävēˌät] NOUN ..caveats (plural noun) a warning or proviso of specific stipulations, conditions, or limitations
I'm not perfect, just forgiven
No offense, but if marriage isn't permanent then it isn't really marriage at all by any Christian definition. It's just a civil arrangement that is actually much weaker than a contract to buy a car. If you need any evidence of that, just see how many marriages end in divorce compared to how many people get out of contracts to buy a car after they've already taken possession of it.
Thank you for sharing.
You don't, so I don't understand what your objection is. You're not subject to Catholic Church law, so you didn't go by it. I'm not subject to Indonesian law. I don't go by that. There's no difference.
As Mayflower correctly notes, this isn't really a Catholic thing. It's a New Testament thing.
As a point of information, if your wife were a Catholic, and her first marriage was (as you say) a civil ceremony, the annulment could have been granted on those grounds alone, without even considering the various other problems in her first marriage.
“As Mayflower correctly notes, this isn’t really a Catholic thing. It’s a New Testament thing.”
It is not a complete reading of the words of Christ.
In Mathew, Jesus also said ...
“Jesus replied, “It was because of your hardness of heart that Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but it was not this way from the beginning. Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman, commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:32
Jesus:
“but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
That is correct. Here is a detailed treatise on the subject:
I feel you. I completely get it.
Why grant an annulment? There is scripture that in the case of adultery one can be granted a divorce and then one can remarry.
Matthew 5:31-32
“The Bible doesn’t have caveats!”
Except for that ... or you’ll go to Hell if you don’t accept Christ as your personal Savior part. Pretty big caveat. (I do know what “caveat” means. Vocabulary has always been a strong suit.)
“Only a silly god would condemn you after 1 marriage and divorce if you remarried.”
Calling God “silly”: Probably not a great idea. Blasphemy ... ummm ... you know.
The marriage, adultery, remarriage, etc., is written in God’s Word. Take it up with Him if it offends you; I didn’t make it up.
“I’m not perfect, just forgiven.”
Me, too.
That is where the nullity that Msgr. Pope writes about comes into play. Clearly if your mother exhibited harmful, demonic behavior that would possibly be grounds for an annulment of the marriage. It’s a little late in this case, but (Catholic) families suffering this type of dysfunction should consult with a knowledgeable, compassionate priest about annulment.
I don’t have the verses memorized, but Jesus said divorce was not a sin if there is adultery or abandonment.
The Catholic Church will grant annulments because abandonment, adultery, severe abuse, extreme deception (spouse deceived other spouse into marrying under false pretenses), one spouse refusing to have any children.
After I legally divorced my first husband because of adultery, I eventually met my second husband who is Catholic. To be married in the Catholic Church I had to get my first marriage annulled. I filled out what must have been a fifteen page questionnaire and submitted it to the local diocese. Because of the high volume of annulment applications, I waited three years for a decision, finally got my annulment.
Can you give us some biblical evidence to support that???
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