Posted on 10/09/2018 9:41:11 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
I sat in silence and bowed my head for the closing prayer as I had done nearly every Sunday for the past 21 years. This Sunday, however, I wanted to be at home, in tears, as I had found out the night before that I was pregnant. Thoughts were racing through my head of tragic visions of my future. I was 21, not married. I was once the "church girl." However, not one of those thoughts that were flooding my mind involved reaching out to my church. I'd seen the way that my church had treated my sister when she became pregnant at 16 years old. Why would I reach out to a group of people that showed more judgement than love?
Fast forward a couple years, my Sundays were no longer filled with worship songs or fellowship. My Sundays were now a hangover day, to recover from other choices I made. I justified my lifestyle, thinking that I did not have a child to take care of, so why not? My baby had become a statistic and so had I. I had an abortion the week after I sat in church, and my life took a very destructive turn.
Four out of 10 post-abortive women say they were regular church attendees at the time of their abortion, which should horrify the faith community. In a survey done by CareNet of 1,038 women who have had abortions, the fact that 70 percent claim a Christian religious preference, and 43 percent report attending church monthly or more at the time of an abortion — that is where the morality issue lies. In fact, 65% of those women felt that the personal shame and the judgmental nature of their church contributed to their decision to choose an abortion. Only 14% believed that their church community would be helpful if asked for support.
Church, we've dropped the ball. If the statistics are true, that one in five women will have an abortion by the time she is 30 years old, then it is likely the woman sitting in the pew next to you has been touched in some way by the devastation of abortion, believing that she can never know true grace and forgiveness.
Abortion was made a "political issue" because a few men decided their values would supersede everyone else's. And the devastation has been incalculable. True change needs to start within the walls of our churches, and then overflow to our communities.
Church, some of our girls are running through the doors of Planned Parenthood because they see the doors of the church as closed and condemning when it comes to unplanned pregnancies. Not only are they running through those doors, but the abortion advocates who welcome them and profit from them influence their values, their morals, and teach them to devalue the sacredness of human life. If more than 60 million lives have been lost since Roe v. Wade, that means 60 million men, women, and generations have been affected by the devastation of abortion and are sitting in our churches. It's time for a culture change.
For years I wore a badge of shame, a scarlet letter that was invisible to most. I did not wake up every day and put on my breastplate of righteousness or the helmet of salvation. I was clothed in grief and regret and walked with it in silence. I condemned myself as unworthy and unclean. Standing firm in the lie that God could never love me, and I was no longer holy enough to enter into His kingdom. Today, there are millions of women in our churches who are sitting there with the scarlet letter that I once wore. They are sitting in silence and believing they can never be made whole.
The statistics of what abortion does to the mental health of the mother are staggering. A 34% increase risk of anxiety, a 37% increase risk of depression. The risk of substance abuse increases by 110%. The psychological effects are so great that the risk of suicide increases by 155%. A study has shown that the suicide mortality rate was 3.1 times higher among women who aborted compared to those who delivered. Millions are sitting in our churches that are fighting these very statistics in silence every single day because they feel unworthy to speak up.
Sisters, you do not have to sit in silence anymore. You do not have to grieve and regret alone anymore. Pour out your heart to those that ARE ready and equipped to listen. Reach out to the churches who have post-abortive ministries and begin to know what forgiveness can do. Men, you are not alone. Your grief IS justified, your hurt IS okay, and there are groups for you too.
It is time to equip your church to stand for LIFE. It is time to teach congregations how to love the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy by creating a place of refuge. We need post-abortive ministry inside the church, and services for young mothers and families on the margins. We need loving and compassionate leaders that are ready and willing to face this topic head on and protect the most vulnerable in our society.
Stop staying silent so that you stay comfortable. Open your eyes to the greatest injustice this nation has seen.. We must begin the hard conversations, because the consequences of our silence is life and death.
"Abortion only comes to seem necessary when there's been a breakdown somewhere in the family. This breakdown, especially in the church, usually takes place in secret."2 In moments like being pressured to have an abortion, there is a relationship failure-and that is a tragedy. As women, we are relational, and those who have been pressured into abortion can't beat themselves up for being influenced by the people we love. It's hard for women, in that moment of being pressured on a profound issue, to separate from those she loves. I believe it has become the duty of the church to stand in the space where that failure took place, before it's too late.
______________________________________
Ally Bowlin is a pro-life speaker and writer. She is the National Programs Coordinator for Students for Life of America
But that is what she expected.
Like some people on this thread she very judgemental about having any sort of standards or saying that something is wrong and should be avoided.
Wondering how someone could have their child shredded is way to "judge-y".
It is like disapproving of her mugging little old ladies. What kind of narrow minded person does that?
Except she is a pro-life speaker.
She doesn’t say what the church actually did - other than it sounds like they never talked about it. Our pastor makes a big point about how the church IS for sinners. And how important it is to have someone that you can “confess” to (Protestant), open up your heart to, to be accountable with.
While he does mention various sins from time to time (greed, lust, etc.) - I don’t think that I’ve ever heard him talk about abortion specifically.
I think that with some better examples on how her sister was treated, and some concrete ideas, this could be an okay article. It sounded like a lot of it was her, and the women polled, ideas on how they THOUGHT the church might handle it.
One of our Sunday School pastors stresses how
1) God created the universe, and it is designed a certain way.
2) His commands throughout the Bible are so that we can live in joy and relationship with Him and others the way that the rules of the universe are designed.
3) When we don’t follow those rules - things don’t work properly. Like trying to put gasoline in a diesel engine. (The engine part is my idea - there is probably a better metaphor).
“ However, she cannot honestly expect the church to say that what she did was OK. “
I think I missed the part where somebody said the church should say it was OK to concieve out of wedlock
The real issue is not the conceiving out of wedlock.
The real problem is what’s going on that results in the pregnancy.
Because sex outside of marriage is not OK as long as there’s no oooops, pregnancy.
Pregnancy is just the visible sign of the sinful behavior, and since it’s the girl who ends up pregnant, and not the guy, SHE’S the one with the ruined life.
It’s interesting how people treaty the pregnancy outside of marriage as the issue like it would be OK if the girl didn’t get pregnant.
In many cases, abortion is the LAST thing a woman wants - it's not a decision she makes in a vacuum. It is sold as an "easy out". Today, it's: "Don't want to be pregnant? You don't have to be, you can get an abortion for a few hundred bucks and then go on with your life.". Why do you think the excuse "it's not a baby, it's only a blob of tissue" was thought up? EXCEPT, for most women it is only the start of problems in their lives. When you have the boyfriend/husband/father/mother/friends/boss, etc. bringing pressure, it doesn't really remain her "choice". Sadly, yes, even married women get pressured into ending their pregnancies. Given certain circumstances, just about anyone is capable of terrible things.
Only after there is genuine repentance and confession, will forgiveness and healing begin. This is true for EVERY manner of sin.
Indeed, the blame game always backfires. Now, if she had taken responsibility for her actions, discussed tis situation with her family and maybe even with the ladies of the church, she would have found that there really was support and guidance to be found. She said she was 21, ooow, that’s legal right? Too bad it isn’t a very mature age for most big decisions especially ones made in a likely vacuum of shame and self judgment.
The church, as profoundly stated by a previous poster, is “us’”, not some entity that has no face.
As for the individual instances, sure, there is going to be variance regarding how individuals and even congregations react. For example, when m y then 19 YO daughter told me and her mother that she was pregnant, it floored us. We never expected that to happen ( like most parents of faith...) Anyway, of course I was rather shocked and my initial reaction was one of surprise, incredulousness and sadness.
My tender and gentle soul of a wife embraced her and told her it will be a wonderful blessing to have a grandchild (our first) and I followed her lead and told her she was my princess regardless of what ever may come. Well, she married the dude, then divorced him after child #2. These precious children and their mother lived with us for 4 years while she got her feet under her, now Miss Emma (8 YO) and Miss Mieke (7 YO) are the apples of my eyes and they know it.
I tremble with apprehension for those who would kill their unborn, especially if they had the support of their families. All too often, women like this gal sit on the pew or in their bedroom in daddies house and hide beneath their shame and in fear. Too bad. The scriptures indeed tells us to ask and we will receive, good measure, pressed down. It also states we don’t have because we don’t ask. Where or how could the church ( some ethereal entity in her mind) have intervened unless she told it ( them)?
I am pretty sure she didn’t get knocked up in the back of the youth group class room or in her folks upstairs bedroom.... She played, she paid, no, rather she played, the precious unborn innocent died, she is distraught and needs to blame someone else too. Glad she works in the same serious situation she is moving through, her “penance” maybe?
Forgiveness is there, but mostly she has to confront her own self-righteousness before she can know she is forgiven by the Creator God and family and even the church she has found to be culpable in some unfathomable way.
Jesus’ blood was shed for this sin. He paid for it, she is free if she would only receive it from the hand of her Loving and Gracious Lord.
Ditto times who knows how many times.
Jesus asked a paralyzed man what he wanted Him to do? He said “no one is here to help me get into the water when an angel stirs it”.
Jesus is more patient than I, I would tell him “So what? That’s not what I asked. What do you want me to do for you”?
Jesus is asking her the same question. He is not asking her what is wrong, but what she needs Him to do in her life.
People are far more concerned with “judgementalism” than with whether the judgements are true.
Let me know if the nonjudgemental churches lead to less out-of-wedlock pregnancy and abortion.
Some of the families I know who seem to have the most severe issues with kids getting pregnant out of wedlock are very strict, traditional Baptists.
Don’t know what it means exactly.
If this is an accusation against the church it would seem that some evidence should be in order.
Mathew 18
15 But if thy brother shall offend against thee, go, and rebuke him between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou shalt gain thy brother. 16 And if he will not hear thee, take with thee one or two more: that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may stand.
I believe it would work in an institution as well as a personal situation.
Does this girl know the scriptures well enough to even criticize the Church.
Mpackard,
I do not see what she means. Ally is attempting to gain ‘victim’ status which is what passes for strength in today’s society and I will not allow her to attain this status.
Of course, to attain victim status, she needs to be victimized by someone or something so she chooses the church, which is a non-person and therefore, unable to independently defend itself. She purposely did not blame a specific person in the church such as a priest or even the members of the parish council. If she did, she would have to itemize how those individuals victimized her, which of course, none of them did.
You are also at fault for supporting Ally’s demand to gain victim status by what you posted above. Ally needs to acknowledge her mistake, take responsibility for it and stop demanding to be a victim of the church or of anyone else. She is only a ‘victim’ of her own poor choices.
JoMa
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